Girl's bday - no invitation

[PlumPrincess]

OK seriously, you need to call her right now and say the following "There's an X I'm interested in the night of your Bday party, and you have mentioned this party several times without actually asking me to be there. If you just wanted to be with other friends that night, that's cool, but if you want me there I need to know now to set my calendar." Say it matter of fact, no emotion, NBD, then shut up and don't say anything else and listen carefully. If she says "do you not want to come?" the reply is laughingly "you need to actually invite me if you want me there."

 

I don't like this scenario at all btw. Have been there many times where a girl I'm sorta involved with or have slept with recently or whatever asks me to do something without actually asking, I say sure, then BBD happens, usually having to do with her female friends, but sometimes dudes, and I end up inconvenienced and in the cold. I have a big hunch there is another dude in the picture that she is not sure will be there, but if he is, she doesn't want you around. If he's not coming, she can act like she invited you all along. Don't play man, just don't play. I have walked for less than this, and in retrospect, it always turned out to be the best decision.

 

And who goes around talking about parties to people without inviting them unless it's a big third party ticket event or something? Who the f does that kind of rude thing? I'll tell you who, rude, princessy high mtce soap opera types.

 

Either this girl is stupid, which = bad bet, or she's mind-f-cking you, worse bet. Either way = bad bet for any kind of peace of mind going forward with this woman. She knows exactly what she is doing here, based on OP and subsequent detail, am pretty sure of it. Up to you whether you like to be manipulated in this way. Good luck regardless of what you decide to do.

I agree with your plan and your analysis. I don't think that's always due to a princess mind set, but they are being socially awkward, stupid and rude at that moment. They do know that you expect an invitation and they know they should invite you but for one reason or another don't want to/can't, but instead of resolving that in an appropriate way, they go on blabbering about their party.

 

I would almost say that I find this ignoring of my feelings to be worse than a clear explanation that he/she wasn't able to invite me because for this or that reason.

Edited August 16, 2013 by PlumPrincess

[phineas]

If after 2 months, someone is into you enough to talk to you daily, spend time with you frequently, and be intimate, they would want you to come hang. Unless she has really weird social issues or there's some ex she wants to avoid confrontation with. If it were "we've chatted a couple times a week for the last couple months" that'd be one thing. I wouldn't waste my time with a girl who had to hide me from her friends after two months of getting to know me intimately. When a girl's proud and fully into it she'll introduce you after a week .

 

Preach it!

The only women who didn't try to lock me down after first sex were women just looking for some steady D until the one they really want is available.

 

I'm not OP but after 2 months he should know where he stands by now if he actually likes the girl.

 

The only explanation as I see it is that they are not that close as he assumes. She might see him as her best buddy or something, but not as a real boyfriend. Or she likes him, but there is something about him that makes her feel too embarrassed to present him to her friends.

 

I didn't count, but it seems that the encouragement to show up uninvited at the party stems mainly from guys thinking their the hottest sh*t and can pull this through while the women here advise against this idea?

 

He's been all up in her guts. If he's "just a friend" then that chick is shady.

 

You honestly going to tell me you or most of the women you know would date a guy for two months, have sex with him regularly but not have him locked down in something exclusive?

 

OP's girl hasn't. Why?

See, women can be players also.

[ChatroomHero]

I feel like people are coming from the perspective of a longterm, committed relationship or something. Like if my bf was talking about his bday then yes obviously I am included without it being said, but a guy you've known for 8 weeks who isn't even your bf? no....for all OP knows, since they aren't exclusive, there could be 3 other guys she's been dating for 8 weeks as well!

 

Exactly this.

 

She might have guy number 2,3 or 4 that is going to be there. If she's excited she will talk about it. It's like if she has a date with another guy you might think she would hide it, but more likely she might mention where she was going or what she was doing with "a friend".

[Emilia]

An insufferable pest would also assume that.

Or someone with relationship experience?

[eddyctv]

I think you should just ask her in a non-confrontational way if you are invited...

 

"I feel foolish for asking you this, but did you want me at your birthday party?"

 

If she says no, then...

 

"No worries...It may be awkward for me anyway, since I wouldnt know too many people there."

 

If she says yes, then...

 

"Ah ok, I was afraid you didnt want me to go because I wouldnt know too many people there"

 

Something like that.

 

But if she says no, i think thats pretty horrible that shes been going on about it in front of you.

[clia]

I don't get the idea at all that she's been going on and on about it in front of him or talking about it constantly.

 

He said:

 

She has mentioned the party throughout the week, the place and even the time but hasn't directly invited me yet.

 

Then he said:

 

I've slipped hints and seem interested. I did say things like "oh that's sounds like so much fun!", "are you doing anything before the party?", "how are you getting there?", "have you been to the hotel before? how was it?", etc. She replies but doesn't carry on with the conversation.

 

If anything, he's the one trying to find out more about the party, but she isn't carrying on with the conversation about it, according to him.

 

My guess is he asked her if she had plans for her birthday, and she told him about the party. Then, sporadically, she has mentioned it to remind him that she has plans that night. I hardly get the impression from what he's posted that she's been incessantly talking about it all week in front of him.

 

I'm not OP but after 2 months he should know where he stands by now if he actually likes the girl.

 

So why hasn't he asked her?

 

You honestly going to tell me you or most of the women you know would date a guy for two months, have sex with him regularly but not have him locked down in something exclusive?

 

OP's girl hasn't. Why?

See, women can be players also.

 

Who says she's having sex with him regularly? We have no indication from his post that she even wants to be exclusive with him. He's the one wondering why he isn't invited to the party, so he's the one that should ask about the relationship. I don't see how she's a player at all. We have no idea what their relationship is like. All I know is that he hasn't asked her to be exclusive.

 

You guys keep trying to push it that she's up to some nefarious scheme by not inviting him, but I just don't think that is the case. He's a guy she's been dating for only two months. I seriously doubt I would invite a two month guy I wasn't exclusive with to a party with a bunch of my friends. To me, it's just way too soon for that. Obviously YMMV.

 

But yeah, I think he should just ask her. I mean, if they are so close and intimate, then surely it's not a big deal for him to say "Hey, am I invited to this shindig or are you just going to hang with your friends that night?"

[curlygirl40]

I have noticed the OP hasn't posted here in a while but I'm going to reply assuming maybe he's still reading?

 

I am also surprised how many people think you're automatically invited and just go, I wouldn't myself. However I do also think it's strange that she wouldn't invite you but then spend all this time talking about it to you. Odd.

 

Anyway, without going into what all of that does or doesn't mean, I think I might have a good solution.

 

You said you bought her a gift, correct?

 

Couldn't you simply say something to her like 'I have a gift for you, let me know when you're available for me to celebrate your birthday with you' or something like 'let me know when I can give you your gift'.

 

If you're invited to the party she will most likely answer something about the party. If she says 'how about Tuesday' then you're not invited to the party.

 

This way you're not inviting yourself, or assuming you're invited or assuming you're not invited or having any other awkward strange conversations about it.

[MrCastle]

I have noticed the OP hasn't posted here in a while but I'm going to reply assuming maybe he's still reading?

 

I am also surprised how many people think you're automatically invited and just go, I wouldn't myself. However I do also think it's strange that she wouldn't invite you but then spend all this time talking about it to you. Odd.

 

Anyway, without going into what all of that does or doesn't mean, I think I might have a good solution.

 

You said you bought her a gift, correct?

 

Couldn't you simply say something to her like 'I have a gift for you, let me know when you're available for me to celebrate your birthday with you' or something like 'let me know when I can give you your gift'.

 

If you're invited to the party she will most likely answer something about the party. If she says 'how about Tuesday' then you're not invited to the party.

 

This way you're not inviting yourself, or assuming you're invited or assuming you're not invited or having any other awkward strange conversations about it.

 

I don't like this because if he's not invited then he's getting a gift for a girl who didn't think enough of him to have him at her party.

 

That sets a bad precedent in my opinion.

[stillafool]

I would ask her or not go. I dated a guy who did this to me once, kept telling me over and over about an upcoming party he was having at his house. Finally, after about 2 weeks of this I asked him "do you need help setting up?" He said "No, Toni is going to help me do that." He never actually invited me and I didn't show up. The next week he dropped by beaming about how great his party was and how everyone really liked the glasses (I had bought him for Christmas). I didn't care because another guy had invited me to a Pink Floyd concert that same night. When I told him I went to the concert he was pissed. He definitely was trying to make me jealous by not inviting me to his party because he always said I don't show emotion. Needless to say I dropped him like a bad habit.

 

It is rude to have a party and tell someone about it who you have no plans of inviting. I don't care if she is having a party, if she doesn't want you there just keep it to herself. Otherwise what is the point?

[curlygirl40]

I don't like this because if he's not invited then he's getting a gift for a girl who didn't think enough of him to have him at her party.

 

That sets a bad precedent in my opinion.

 

 

I thought I read that he had bought her a gift already so I was going with that. But if he wasn't planning on buying her a gift then ya, bad idea.

 

I think he's disappeared anyway. lol

[MrCastle]

I thought I read that he had bought her a gift already so I was going with that. But if he wasn't planning on buying her a gift then ya, bad idea.

 

I think he's disappeared anyway. lol

 

Oh did he? I don't even know. I have to re-read.

[curlygirl40]

 

I have already bought her a present but have no idea whether I should just turn up or not, I could ask her directly but that feels like I'm just inviting myself and might put pressure on her.

 

Thanks for any advice.

 

I thought I read it somewhere, it was in his first post.

[PlumPrincess]

Is there an update?

[Geiss]

Remember the Seinfeld episode where that guy didn't invite Jerry to the party but he invited everyone else. Then at the end Jerry gets the dentist to look at his tooth and bumps his head into the sharp thing that pops the woody woodpecker float on the street below. Then the guy said who invited you anyway? Jerry just assumed he was invited and that the guy just forgot to invite him.

 

So don't assume you are invited. This could be a chick party. Best way to do it I think is just be blunt and ask. So am I invited to this party or is it for just the girls? That should do.

[SantistaUSA]

Remember the Seinfeld episode where that guy didn't invite Jerry to the party but he invited everyone else. Then at the end Jerry gets the dentist to look at his tooth and bumps his head into the sharp thing that pops the woody woodpecker float on the street below. Then the guy said who invited you anyway? Jerry just assumed he was invited and that the guy just forgot to invite him.

 

So don't assume you are invited. This could be a chick party. Best way to do it I think is just be blunt and ask. So am I invited to this party or is it for just the girls? That should do.

 

Not a chick's party, he already mentioned there will be at least 3 guys there.

[Geiss]

Not a chick's party, he already mentioned there will be at least 3 guys there.

 

Well maybe those guys are gay. Yeah I didn't read all the pages of the thread. I agree with another poster that if she doesn't invite you so you know you are invited don't show up and dump her. It's not cool what she is doing. Then afterwards she will be going on to you about what a great time she had and you'll be like that's great, I'm so happy for you. Maybe next time you will invite me. If there is a next time.

[Geiss]

Whenever she is mentioning the party mentally picture her hand on the back of your head forcing it down into a pile of dog crap.

[sdraw108]

I don't like this because if he's not invited then he's getting a gift for a girl who didn't think enough of him to have him at her party.

 

I don't like it because it doesn't even guarantee to solve the problem.

 

So he asks her "when can I give you the present?" and she gives some answer which isn't "at the party". So what? That doesn't establish that he isn't invited. There could be any number of reasons she'd give a different answer to that.

 

There have already been good solutions suggested, which are directly to the point and don't leave room for ambiguity.

 

Plus, I think after 2 months it's kind of silly to have to be so covert about it. Personally I would just ask outright, "do you want me at the party, or would you prefer to just see your friends?". It's not an unreasonable question. And the answer will probably give valuable information about her view of the relationship, either way.