Chris715 Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 So here's the general background: I had a breakup with my ex girlfriend who I loved over 9 months ago. I've been really depressed, unable to move on, meet anyone new, etc. basically derailing my life since it happened. My friends have recently taken note after I've described the fights I've been going through with her recently (we've been no contact for no more than a month over this time) and they've been trying to help me deal with it. One of my good female friends is setting me up to meet one of her friends tomorrow, saying that we should get along great and be really good for each other. I appreciate the gesture and the fact that she's trying to help but as you probably guess I'm still not over my ex, at all. I'm afraid if I go to meet this new girl I'll just be thinking "I wish this was my ex" the entire time and any friendliness, happiness, and interest I express will be faked. I already told my friend that I would meet her and she was really excited, so backing out now seems like a bad option. Any advice? Should I go to this thing, keep it casual, and then write it off? Or cancel?
Jenny1234 Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 Just go...it's a step in the right direction even if you were wishing you were sitting across from your ex. Even if you have zero interest it might actually make you feel better for a minute. I'm 3 months out of a breakup and I've gone on a few dates...it's not easy but even just being there is progress . Good luck and stay strong 3
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 A lot of people jump back on the horse...then fall off the other side. Which is what you will likely do, but you can go on the date as a really casual thing, don't put any high expectations into it...at least you've waiting nine months which is far longer than a lot of people wait, however it still seems you're pretty caught up in those emotions still so you're not whole yet and still pretty vulnerable. What a lot of people do is they miss that affection and companionship then just jump into a FWB or quickie relationship just to try and get over things, I wouldn't recommend that route as it's cyclical for a lot of people and really just a distraction technique...try to focus on your life primarily and build yourself up, you've got to really get a lot of those emotions sores out from the inside, just make sure you don't channel that while using someone else to do it...that's where people get confused and cross the wires...meaning you're with someone new, but you're not really emotionally there, they're like a blank canvas where you go through those wallowing emotions you still have for your ex. If you really don't feel ready just cancel...just say you're not really ready for this and don't want to disappoint your date. Because keep in mind, people don't make the best decisions when they are depressed and in a really bad place...and you're highly susceptible to falling for someone and using them to vent, you can connect easily in that state...you don't want to talk about your ex and your past etc on that date. I think you should start digging yourself out of this hole you are in emotionally, but you need someone to talk to, if you end up with a girl who's going to try and fix you and show you what love is...you could be in a world of hurt for a rebound scenario. But you do have to push yourself to become motivated to start living your romantic life again, that time just might not be now...it really depends on what you're still feeling on the inside about your ex. 1
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