Roos Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 We started seeing each other in February of 2012. She has a 4 year old son who is diagnosed with Dandy Walker Syndrome, and over the course of our relationship, I not only fell in love with her, I fell in love with him too. We had our rough patches, but always seemed to work past them. After 9 months together, she dumped me, saying she wasn't happy anymore. I applied the no contact theory and worked on the mistakes I made during our relationship. We got back together within 3 weeks of me applying no contact and I couldn't have been happier. About a week after we got back together, she lost her job. I moved in with her and to help her and her son out financially until she could get a job. Because the apartment we live in is government assisted housing, her rent was lowered because of her job loss. She decided that she wanted to be a stay at home mom for a while, because when she did have a job, she worked all the time and I was completely fine with that. So from the point when she lost her job in December until this past May, I was paying for groceries, diapers, bills, etc. until I lost my job. Her father helped me out in getting a job a week after I got fired, which I subsequently got laid off from a month later. I went job hunting for about about two weeks with no results until she decided to get a job again. She knew someone who wanted to hire her and got hired on the spot for an assistant manager position. She said to me that I didn't have to get a job, because otherwise we wouldn't have a permanent babysitter. So it kind of became a role reversal in that she had a job and I stayed at home with the baby. After a few weeks into her new job, we decided to have a party to celebrate her new job and took the baby to her sister's for the night. She invited some of her coworkers over and we started the party. A few hours into the night, we were both pretty intoxicated because neither one of us had drank since New Years. I was having a good time until her brother told me that something was going on between her and one of her coworkers that she invited to the party. I went outside to look for her and saw him sitting in a chair and her standing in front of him. He had his hands on her legs but she kept brushing him off, so I didn't think anything of it. About an hour after that happened, she was missing. There's a park not more than a block away from where we live, and I thought she might have gone down there, so naturally, I went looking for her. I found her and her coworker on the swing set, while she was sitting on the swing and he was kissing her. I didn't do or say anything. I just turned around and walked away, and looking back on it, I really wish I had done something, I was just too hurt to do anything. I just went back home and went to sleep. I woke up the next morning and found out she never came home. She ended up going with her coworker and stayed the night at his sister's house. She ended up going out with some friends the next night and when she got home, we had a really long conversation about our relationship and she broke up with me. She said she felt like I didn't care about her anymore, and she doesn't feel the same way she used to about me. Since I don't really have anywhere else to go and no job, we still live together and she still pays for anything that I might need. A few days after the breakup, she walked in the spare bedroom we have that I was sleeping in and asked me how I was doing, saying that she felt like a huge weight was lifted off of her shoulders since we were so honest with each other the night before and that she was worried about me and she still loves me. Her first day off of work, I needed to get out of the house for a while and I ended up going on a date with another woman. She sent me a text before the movie and asked if I was on a date, and I didn't want to lie so I told her that I was. She told me to have fun and that she was going to get drunk with one of her friends. I came home a few hours later and she and her friend had already went through a bottle of liquor. Needless to say, she was very drunk. She was in the bathroom for an hour trying to puke, but because she hadn't eaten in 2 days she couldn't. Her friend was passed out so I felt obligated to help her. She started crying because all she wanted to do was throw up and feel better. When I helped her up, she reached for the razor blades to cut herself, which is something she's done since she was a teenager. I knew what she was trying to do, so I grabbed the razor blades and kept them from her. She got upset about it and went to the bedroom. After a few minutes I needed to take a breather and while I was outside, she locked herself in the bathroom and cut herself anyway. She's not suicidal, but no matter the reason, it still hurts to see someone do something like that to themselves. She said she felt a lot better and I helped clean her up and got her something to eat. We both sat in silence for a few minutes. I was too angry with her to say anything. Eventually, she started crying and saying that the breakup was harder than she thought it was going to be and asked if I would cuddle her. The breakup was still fresh in my mind and against my better judgement, I obliged. She cried the entire time we cuddled until both of us fell asleep. The next day, she and I both laid in bed all day and cuddled until she had to go to work at 11 that night. She eventually said to me "You know this doesn't mean we're getting back together, right? I'm just not used to not having cuddles from you." And it's been that way ever since. When she gets home from work or before she goes to work, she convinces me to come in the bedroom with her and cuddle. As each day goes by it seems like she gets closer and closer to me when we cuddle. Today was when it got extremely confusing for me. While we were laying in bed, she got extremely close to my face, almost like she wanted to kiss, but neither one of us did anything. She had an appointment to get a new tattoo today and she told me "Report to the bedroom for lovin's!" to which I replied, "Well I'm getting ready to take a shower." and she told me to go ahead and do that and to meet her in the bedroom. While we were together, almost 90% of the time I would take a shower, she would come in to use the bathroom. So today when I was taking a shower and I heard the door open, I thought nothing of it. Then she moved the shower curtain aside and was completely naked and said "I need in here." and jumped right in with me. She got out of the shower before I did and as I was drying off she came back in and sat down. I caught her looking at me several times, to which I jokingly told her to stop staring at my junk. She laughed it off and we went in the bedroom and cuddled before she left. Looking back on our breakup, I realize that with the whole situation, I didn't stand up for myself like I should have and that she more than likely lost some respect for me because of it. I'm sure that's not the only reason for the breakup, but I feel that it was the biggest. I want for us to get back together, and the signals she's sending me have been utterly confusing. There have been times that I've just wanted to say screw it and kiss her, but I'm afraid of what might happen if I do. Because we live together, I can't exactly apply the no contact theory like I did the last time we broke up because it's hard to avoid her and moving out isn't an option. I care about her and her son very much and I don't want them out of my life. I am willing to change who I am, by being more assertive and not letting everybody walk all over me like I have been most of my life. I want to gain her respect back, but I don't know if the whole cuddling situation is helping or hindering my cause. I really don't know what to do to get her back and if anyone has any advice I could really use the help.
Mariposa10 Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 Are you sure you can't move out?? She cheated on you, period. Don't change who you are because of someone else, if you're going to change do it for yourself. I don't really believe in the whole NC thing... I used to believe in it but after I read this article I changed my mind Why Maintaining Contact With Your Ex Is Crucial | | Ask Love Doctor Yangki Christine Akiteng However, I don't think living together will help your situation, I think you guys have to go through all the stages of a breakup... But then again I don't know much about this relationship stuff. There are some people here who are very helpful hopefully you'll find some good advice.
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