DrDave92 Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 i felt i was at the point after 3 months of NC with my ex girlfriend of 2 years that i should apologise to her. After we broke up i got really drunk one night and left her some abusive voicemails/texts after hearing of her sleeping with someone i dislike soon after we split. I apologised mainly for my friends sake as they have had to choose between the 2 of us when organising parties etc and i figured life is too short to hold grudges and the best option would be to act civil. I offered a sincere and lengthy apology explaining my actions, my ex accepted and then began to talk to me asking how my recent holiday was etc. She continued talking to me for several days and then out the blue said 'i've just listened to the voicemail again, i'm willing to be civil but i can't forgive you' i told her that it was her choice and she could live in the past and try to vilify me if she wanted to but that i was a good person who had made one drunken error. She then tried claiming that prior to the drunk calls she wanted to get back with me. This is a load of crap as i rang her the weekend prior to this and she told me she'd definitely made the right decision and that she was a lot happier without me in her life. I felt like it was a guilt trip to try and mess with my head (which it kind of has) and told her that we are both a lot better off apart as i feel back to my old self and that regardless of whether or not she wanted me back it wouldn't have happened. She then said she was willing to be civil and could tell i was genuinely sorry so i just ended the conversation and wished her good luck for her exam results. Why would she accept my apology, begin making conversation with me in a friendly manner and then claim after days of exchanging a few messages that she can't forgive me and try guilt tripping me the way she did? Head f*ck.
Misfortune Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 i felt i was at the point after 3 months of NC with my ex girlfriend of 2 years that i should apologise to her. After we broke up i got really drunk one night and left her some abusive voicemails/texts after hearing of her sleeping with someone i dislike soon after we split. I apologised mainly for my friends sake as they have had to choose between the 2 of us when organising parties etc and i figured life is too short to hold grudges and the best option would be to act civil. I offered a sincere and lengthy apology explaining my actions, my ex accepted and then began to talk to me asking how my recent holiday was etc. She continued talking to me for several days and then out the blue said 'i've just listened to the voicemail again, i'm willing to be civil but i can't forgive you' i told her that it was her choice and she could live in the past and try to vilify me if she wanted to but that i was a good person who had made one drunken error. She then tried claiming that prior to the drunk calls she wanted to get back with me. This is a load of crap as i rang her the weekend prior to this and she told me she'd definitely made the right decision and that she was a lot happier without me in her life. I felt like it was a guilt trip to try and mess with my head (which it kind of has) and told her that we are both a lot better off apart as i feel back to my old self and that regardless of whether or not she wanted me back it wouldn't have happened. She then said she was willing to be civil and could tell i was genuinely sorry so i just ended the conversation and wished her good luck for her exam results. Why would she accept my apology, begin making conversation with me in a friendly manner and then claim after days of exchanging a few messages that she can't forgive me and try guilt tripping me the way she did? Head f*ck. People say stuff they don't mean when they're emotional. It all depends on how the person on the receiving end takes it. If someone likes you they'll take it in and understanding manner. If they dislike you or hold a grudge, they'll act like your ex. It's life and that's how people work. Don't stress. You made your apologies and now it's time to focus on you. 2
Author DrDave92 Posted August 15, 2013 Author Posted August 15, 2013 i just don't understand how she can forgive me, start talking to me in a normal/friendly manner for days then somehow decide that she doesn't forgive me after all and be a complete bitch about things.
Ireallydontknow Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 Most of the time through this stuff we are never going to have full understanding of the task at hand. It sucks because as humans we want answers! If she is treating you like this go NC try again when you can just laugh it off when she acts like a nuts. She is helping to prove to you how lucky you are to be away from her! Just keep working on you. RUN! Close your eyes and run and just imagine what it is you want in life.
Author DrDave92 Posted August 15, 2013 Author Posted August 15, 2013 yeah i'm going to go NC again. I can't understand her at all. I gave a very sincere and genuine apology, i don't understand how you can accept it, talk normally then change your mind. She's going to the same university as me in September which is far from ideal and the way she is i can just tell she's going to try to make me out to be some kind of villain to all her new friends. The fact she's still kept and listened to the voicemails says it all really, they're like some kind of trophy for her which she shows off to everyone.
Dazzee Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 You made a mistake, and you apologized, and I'm sure you won't let it happen again. The only step further would be to somehow make it up to her. It's her choice if she wants to forgive you or not, you've made your peace and that's what is important. Everybody is different and some people find it hard to let things go and others don't. My ex girlfriend that just dumped me says she can't forgive me, because she holds on to her emotions too much. I have forgiven her for a lot of things with ease. It's out of your hands, just like my relationship is now out of mine. All this being said, I believe time heals all and she will forgive you, be it tomorrow or 20 years from now.
Author DrDave92 Posted August 15, 2013 Author Posted August 15, 2013 i don't think she'll ever fully forgive me it justifies to her that she did nothing wrong during our breakup and she can play the victim and act like i'm an evil person. It's annoying as after she accepted my apology and we talked a while i felt like i could move on with things properly but now she's slammed the door on that and left me feeling crap yet again. I can't make sense of it
supaflyz Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 Believe it or not some people just don't take accountability for their actions. You took accountability for your actions, and you told her sorry. Your ex is just like my ex. She wanted everyone to think that I'm the bad person and she's so innocent.
Author DrDave92 Posted August 16, 2013 Author Posted August 16, 2013 it's really frustrating as after she accepted the apology and we talked for a while i actually felt a lot better about things and felt that with a clear conscience i could finally move on with things properly. For her to actually forgive me then turn around and change her mind and start going off at me for what i did is just really f*cked up to me, especially with the whole BS about how she missed me and wanted me back before i did it when i know fine well that's not true. Argghhh
Simon Phoenix Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 You shouldn't have reminded her of it. She had probably started to move past it, then your apology brought it back in her mind and she started stewing. Next time, leave well enough alone.
Author DrDave92 Posted August 16, 2013 Author Posted August 16, 2013 in order to apologise and try to make peace with her i was going to have to bring it up at some point though. We weren't talking about it all for days then she just brought it back up out of the blue randomly and said she couldn't forgive me.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 in order to apologise and try to make peace with her i was going to have to bring it up at some point though. We weren't talking about it all for days then she just brought it back up out of the blue randomly and said she couldn't forgive me. With time she would have forgiven you and she probably will. It's best to stop bringing it up. It wasn't a good idea to apologize. Sometimes you have to let things go. Lesson learned.
Author DrDave92 Posted August 16, 2013 Author Posted August 16, 2013 i appreciate your opinion but i disagree as at least by apologising i can say i tried and she said she was willing to be civil so it means that shared friends don't have to make awkward decisions between us in the future at gatherings. She's not the type of girl who would have just forgiven me over time and i felt quite bad about the things i said to her so feel that my conscience is a bit clearer after apologising and explaining my actions. Her backtrack on the acceptance of the apology is what's bugging me
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