Hectic month...

[NYK23]

Met my ex in 2010 while at college, what an amazing person. Knew she had some inner-demons but hey we all do...

I was a senior at college and she was only a Sophmore. She was into partying big time and I had a lot of love for her wanted to be with her but didn't want to miss out on anything so we held it off for awhile but still were basically together (very open relationship). About a year later Nov. 2011 we were still on and off in this open relationship. By this time we had both admitted our love for one another, it was just a struggle her being young me being influenced by my friends not to be with her. Finally after a month and a half of not talking at all I reached out to her due to some extremely tragic happenings. January 2012 we started to officially date. Things started off a little rocky with some doubt but after that things were amazing. No real big blow outs and we dealt with the distance of the relationship very well. She moved back home for the summer and then came back near me for school again in the Fall. Things were very good, that Fall there were some concerns on her part of me not being able to hold a well paying job...no major blow outs still though! Jan 2013 I found a good job, stable, well paying, with a promising future. She had been confused, her room mates were pressing her to be single and got inside of her head a little bit...her ex bf was up visiting friends from school and she stayed with him that night. Killed me but I looked past it, mainly because of my love for her and understanding that I had made a similar mistake in the past and I needed to realize people make mistakes. After that she quickly realized that she had messed up and apologized to me several times. I forgave her and we put it in the past. Everything was perfect no fights no arguments steady money plans of moving in together after she graduated college that year. Her telling her parents that I was the one her telling everybody that.

I must say we were truly happy. As I said before she had a little bit of a partying problem in the past. It was behind her for the most part...an occasional night out at the bar and some extra fun was no big deal and she could handle it at this point in her life. She was proud of herself, she was happy with herself, was starting to truly love herself and value life. We were happy just having fun, being best friends, being lovers. She graduated and was off of drugs completely for 2 months when she came up to visit me in June.

She woke me up at 5am on June 21st and did so to just let me know how happy she was with her life. She told me how proud she was of herself and how she didnt need anything to make her happy, no drugs, nothing just family friends and me.

About 2 weeks later she had went out with some friends and got a little too messed up. She called me the next morning apologizing telling me she had gotten messed up on E..I brushed it off said maybe she was pressured, most likely...I was upset though. She tried to promise me that she was done. I told her to make that promise to herself and she was very upset, crying, she promised herself. Then about a week later the same occurrence. She told me she was going to this music festival. I told her the truth on how I felt. I said to her im not here to tell you what to do but im not too thrilled about it. I told her when you go just use your head, make smart choices. She got pissed and told me that I was acting like her father...Okay maybe I was a little bit but I mainly was trying to show her that I just cared. Everything was fine for the next week until the second night of the festival. After that I told her straight up that she was turning back to old ways. She didnt like that I said that and demanded a break. So whatever, I drove to her house to talk to her face to face. All she could do is cry and say that she didnt know about being with me she is young and afraid, thinking there could be something she is missing out on...

I supported her but I stayed there for two days. All she did was love me and wanted to be all over me holding my hand hugging me kissing me telling me she loves me and i make her so happy.

The day comes that I have to leave and she is so upset telling me that she knows she is going to regret this...

We didnt talk for a week then she texts me and calls me telling me that she knows she misses and loves me so i kinda jumped the gun and told her too much told her how much i missed her, I think I scared her a little bit...

Two days later its a complete different story she is pissed at me and all of the sudden has lost love for me because i told her to choose "crazy partying lifestyle or me"

She choose that, we have talked twice since and once was the day 8/5 that I was supposed to let my boss know about transferring to where she lives. After a week of not talking to me she randomly tried to call me on her way to work that morning (she knew what that day was too) I was short with her told her life was going to be okay. She wanted me to take the animal we had together she was willing to bring it up to me I told her she could but we werent staying in the same bed together if she slept at my house. She sent me frown faces and said how overwhelemed she was with life and how stressed she is and that she was crying and couldnt stop right then...that night she randomly calls me at midnight just to thank me for agreeing to take the animal i got a little emotional told her i missed her and loved her. she got emotional as well.

the next day she texted me this is hard but you need to just let go, i will always be a best friend to you but just move on..i didnt respond to her

The next day I spoke with her father cause I dont even want to talk to her right now and told him to tell her to keep the animal because I dont want to be left with the reminded plus she should take the responsiblity and take care of it instead of being out and partying for days on end without going home.

Now one of our mutual friends said that she asked about me and was calling me a pussy and talking a little sh*t about me to him...

I dont know what to make of this I am very confused, it came out of nowhere.

I saw true happiness, love, honesty, and respect when she told me how happy she was that morning and that made our relationship amazing, it made things perfect.

Then she turned back down that road again and started partying heavily and obviously deep down she isnt happy with herself for doing that so that made her unhappy with life and made her think it was our relationship...

I just dont know what to think about this. I know people change every day and I know people mend and get back together every day but what do I do? Have I ruined my chances of getting back with her?

With 110% honesty I will say that I want to ultimately end up with this girl, I know it may take time and patience but I want to be the one

 

Please give me some pointers, some advice, anything...

Thank you