Am I just a rebound to him?

[Rikko]

So we have been seeing each other for a month now. But prior that we have been exchanging messages online about a month. I have been getting this feeling that I might just be a rebound to him.

 

So here are the reasons as to why I have been feeling this way:

1. He's just gotten out of a relationship 2 or 3 months ago to be exact. Not sure how long the relationship was

2. Long before we met he was saying hes trying to win her back. and how he loves her.

3. How he's moved on from her after we met. And said i don't think you can really ever get over someone.

4. I could tell from our conversations through messages how he was convinced that he'll never meet someone like her.

 

Looking at these reasons its obvious that I might be just a rebound to him whether or not he realizes. She's dumped him because he's cheated on her. And now she's back with her ex. He's such a nice guy and has been through so much in life already. He opened up alot emotionally and we do share certain level of intellectual connection though from my part not so much chemistry and physical attraction. I'm so confused right now honestly I genuinely do feel like he likes me and finds me interesting. But i'm afraid that hes still hasnt gotten over her yet. and that he probably is. He's such a sweet guy and very protective and driven. At this point of my life, I think that there will come a time where we'll have to go our separate ways. I have my goals and dreams and so does he. maybe its me thinking too much but knowing what will happen I dont want to put anyone of us up for another heartache. none of us deserve that. I just wish the best for him really, but I dont want to be used as a rebound. thats not fair. what if after I invest too much of myself in him and only later find out him going back to her no matter how great I was. just thinking of that, being used to get over his loneliness while working on his plans on getting back to her makes me cringe. on the other hand part of me keeps telling me to go for a casual relationship because I already know how its going to end. I might have to leave him to go after my goals and dreams, soon anyways. so kind of equals. at least thats how I think. but even if i was just a rebound to him, what if he falls head over heels for me and I have to leave him? im so confused right now. Please help me to get my thoughts straight and give me some sound advice.

 

on the side note, he's not pushing me for sex or anything. he's taking things really slow. and im guessing he's a little afraid hed scare me away if he didnt. Im not physically attracted to him. I dont get goosebumps or this intense feeling when I look into his eyes. though I have experienced this with some guys. In a sense i think im attracted to him slightly because he's confident, cocky, sweet, driven and just spoils me with attention. what do you guys think? im confused myself

[KatZee]

And you're a prime example of how women start seeing someone and IMMEDIATELY start thinking of the future and "what if this?!" "What if that?!"

 

It really doesn't matter, and there's no point even thinking so far down the line. You need to look at what's going on RIGHT NOW.

 

He got dumped 2-3 months ago.

He admitted that he was still in love with her and wanted her back.

He said that he'd never get over her.

He CHEATED on her.

He's cocky.

You're not attracted to him.

 

Basically you're "into" him because he fuels your ego, and probably gives you attention you're not getting, or haven't gotten elsewhere.

 

Is that really enough of a reason to be with someone who's clearly jumping to a new person while being in love with his ex? Or to be with someone who has such a miniscule moral compass who thinks it's OK to cheat on someone they claim to "love" ?

[Rikko]

And you're a prime example of how women start seeing someone and IMMEDIATELY start thinking of the future and "what if this?!" "What if that?!"

 

It really doesn't matter, and there's no point even thinking so far down the line. You need to look at what's going on RIGHT NOW.

 

He got dumped 2-3 months ago.

He admitted that he was still in love with her and wanted her back.

He said that he'd never get over her.

He CHEATED on her.

He's cocky.

You're not attracted to him.

 

Basically you're "into" him because he fuels your ego, and probably gives you attention you're not getting, or haven't gotten elsewhere.

 

Is that really enough of a reason to be with someone who's clearly jumping to a new person while being in love with his ex? Or to be with someone who has such a miniscule moral compass who thinks it's OK to cheat on someone they claim to "love" ?

 

That was the best advice that I could get. Thanks! you're right im into him only because he fuels my ego. yes he's cheated on her and that says A LOT. guess I was blindfolded. I wont date him anymore. But should I still see him as a friend ? or should I just completely cut him off ? i do enjoy his company though.

[CrystalCastles]

That was the best advice that I could get. Thanks! you're right im into him only because he fuels my ego. yes he's cheated on her and that says A LOT. guess I was blindfolded. I wont date him anymore. But should I still see him as a friend ? or should I just completely cut him off ? i do enjoy his company though.

 

KatZee tends to give very sound advice.

 

No. Cut him off completely. Go NC. Maybe some day in the future you'll be friends, but not now.

[Rikko]

KatZee tends to give very sound advice.

 

No. Cut him off completely. Go NC. Maybe some day in the future you'll be friends, but not now.

 

But he said even if I didnt want to date him he'd still want to hang out with me? I guess im feeling a little sorry for him to cut him off completely all of a sudden.

[KatZee]

But he said even if I didnt want to date him he'd still want to hang out with me? I guess im feeling a little sorry for him to cut him off completely all of a sudden.

 

"Still wants to hang out"

 

IE: I'm hoping I can get you to hook up with me eventually. I would just keep him at arms length, and if you're so intent on hanging out with him, make it in a group setting with other people.

[MidwestUSA]

You're "feeling sorry" for a cheater. A guy who used you to express the "I'll never meet another girl like her" line. What is there to feel sorry for? He'll be quite fine recovering on his own, really!