My ex's best friend friend requested me...

[Echo000]

got a friend request from my ex's best friend. i defriended this friend of hers many months ago, after we split up. she is purely her friend, and i have ZERO idea why she would re-friend request me. I think its a game..another bulls*** game i guess to see if she can rope me in? idk if my ex is behind it but im sure she has something to do with it. Whats wrong with her?

 

Oh and this best friend has my ex in her profile pic with her. my ex is wearing a new, low cut blouse, with a ton of make up on her face, and dyed hair. Made me feel shi**y for like an hour. She didnt even look very good, she looked desperate and overdone. I no longer look at her lovingly, but instead with immediate pain. This wasnt my doing (choosing to see that pic with her in it) but it ever strengthens the need to STAY AWAY as NO IMAGE/DETAIL WILL EVER MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD.

 

Yea this is a dumb post, but so what. we are all entitled to it. Any opinions as to why her best friend would re-friend request me now at this point? Regardless, yes i know it doesnt matter. just curious

[OzHeartache]

seems strange to me mate, perhaps games but eitherway ...... I would definatley hit the "not now" button and keep moving on

[Angry bird]

I concer... Don't take the bait.

[JDPT]

They are trying to reel you in and make you their entertainment.

[Misfortune]

got a friend request from my ex's best friend. i defriended this friend of hers many months ago, after we split up. she is purely her friend, and i have ZERO idea why she would re-friend request me. I think its a game..another bulls*** game i guess to see if she can rope me in? idk if my ex is behind it but im sure she has something to do with it. Whats wrong with her?

 

Oh and this best friend has my ex in her profile pic with her. my ex is wearing a new, low cut blouse, with a ton of make up on her face, and dyed hair. Made me feel shi**y for like an hour. She didnt even look very good, she looked desperate and overdone. I no longer look at her lovingly, but instead with immediate pain. This wasnt my doing (choosing to see that pic with her in it) but it ever strengthens the need to STAY AWAY as NO IMAGE/DETAIL WILL EVER MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD.

 

Yea this is a dumb post, but so what. we are all entitled to it. Any opinions as to why her best friend would re-friend request me now at this point? Regardless, yes i know it doesnt matter. just curious

 

Your bestfriend is your partner in crime. The one you get to do your dirty work; your proxy. Your ex is probably interested in seeing your life without her and doesn't want to put herself out there so, she got her friend to do it. The friend has nothing to lose and if confronted, the ex can play dumb and deny her life away.

[iouaname]

How obnoxious and immature. Don't give them the satisfaction of letting it affect you.

[Sugarkane]

Your bestfriend is your partner in crime. The one you get to do your dirty work; your proxy. Your ex is probably interested in seeing your life without her and doesn't want to put herself out there so, she got her friend to do it. The friend has nothing to lose and if confronted, the ex can play dumb and deny her life away.

 

But what person would do something so immature, even for their "friend?"

[Misfortune]

But what person would do something so immature, even for their "friend?"

 

The BestFriend would. People do it all the time. If I deleted my ex and my friend still has her on his list, I would view her profile through his page if I feel inclined. No1 likes rejection. Sometimes, you're just curious and nothing more. It's not a crime to be curious, just don't make it an obsession. It's a means to end. You can call it what you want, the fact is: people do what they have to, to get what they want. You have options also if it isn't suitable for you: block him/her, deny their request, make your profile private and all that jazz.

 

I really don't care what people do with their free time as long as it doesn't affect me in a manner that I dislike. Something like this would raise questions but not bother me because, I have full control of the outcome.

[Echo000]

Well, let me tell you that i actually respected this girl..she was literally the ONLY friend of my ex's that i liked. so i am surprised and also just..wasnt expecting that.

 

I wrote a message..im sorry but after all this pain i am merely curious. i said that my ex and i broke up and respectfully ask why you are friend requesting me?

 

Yes. ideally i would have just blocked it and said nothing. but i didnt accept the request. and i asked the question that would have played in my mind.

 

The immaturity is astounding to me. To get another person to friend request me because you dont have the balls to deal with it yourself, its shameful. It sucks when you give your heart to an immature girl as opposed to a strong woman.

 

Just why? Why would you do that? Believe it or not, im doing okay.. yes it makes me think but not overthink like normal. its like..its so immature that even my OCD mind cant bother obsessing over it.

 

Why do that though...?

[Misfortune]

Well, let me tell you that i actually respected this girl..she was literally the ONLY friend of my ex's that i liked. so i am surprised and also just..wasnt expecting that.

 

I wrote a message..im sorry but after all this pain i am merely curious. i said that my ex and i broke up and respectfully ask why you are friend requesting me?

 

Yes. ideally i would have just blocked it and said nothing. but i didnt accept the request. and i asked the question that would have played in my mind.

 

The immaturity is astounding to me. To get another person to friend request me because you dont have the balls to deal with it yourself, its shameful. It sucks when you give your heart to an immature girl as opposed to a strong woman.

 

Just why? Why would you do that? Believe it or not, im doing okay.. yes it makes me think but not overthink like normal. its like..its so immature that even my OCD mind cant bother obsessing over it.

 

Why do that though...?

 

You don't know these things are facts though.

 

Idk what story she'll give you if, she does give one at all but, you can rest assured that your ex will be viewing your profile through her if you do accept. Maybe you'll get "it was an accident". Even if the bestfriend likes you, if your relationship with her friend ends and your ex wants no part of you, she'll also have nothing to do with you; just the law of the land in most cases. Soooo

 

It's immature because you aren't as infatuated with your ex as before. If you were, this would be flattering or cute that she's so shy to friend you 1st or w/e. Your emotions affect your perspective.

[cavalier99]

Well, let me tell you that i actually respected this girl..she was literally the ONLY friend of my ex's that i liked. so i am surprised and also just..wasnt expecting that.

 

I wrote a message..im sorry but after all this pain i am merely curious. i said that my ex and i broke up and respectfully ask why you are friend requesting me?

 

Yes. ideally i would have just blocked it and said nothing. but i didnt accept the request. and i asked the question that would have played in my mind.

 

The immaturity is astounding to me. To get another person to friend request me because you dont have the balls to deal with it yourself, its shameful. It sucks when you give your heart to an immature girl as opposed to a strong woman.

 

Just why? Why would you do that? Believe it or not, im doing okay.. yes it makes me think but not overthink like normal. its like..its so immature that even my OCD mind cant bother obsessing over it.

 

Why do that though...?

 

Meh just ignore stuff like this in the future. Whe did she do this? Because she could? Curiosity? Maybe she thinks your over it and is testing the waters to see if youd like to be friendly?

 

Im sure they forgot about the whole thing until you responded. And it definitly wasnt a big deal to them. Probably spur of the moment thing.

 

Anyway once your recovered you wont view theses things so ominously. Youll be like. "Cool i got a friend request. Wonder how she is" then youll chat with her. Then it is over. No big deal at all.

 

it is only your current emotional state that makes these piddly breadcrumbs significant. Stay stong! And no more dumb responses! Maybe be like. "Whaaaats up!" If you choose to respond. Sounds more normal. Hahah Cav

Edited August 15, 2013 by cavalier99

[jesse93]

One of my male friends ex girlfriend is a friend of mine, and she told me that she had her friend add her ex to view his profile because she wanted to see how happy he was without her, and of course she got super sad seeing that he was doing fine without her, I honestly believe it is just curiosity.. And this is why I deleted all my ex's friends I had added and blocked them, because I don't care anymore they are her friends that added me while we were together, and I don't care about them anymore.. They never really had a big connection with me they were just there. You should block her honestly, block every communication you can including her close friends.

[aloneinaz]

You're WWAAYY over thinking it because you're not over her yet. They might have been drunk and said let's screw with the ex, etc.. Does it matter why?

 

Like the above said, time will allow you to not give a rats butt about this kind of stupid stuff. Sometimes people get bored and look for a reaction to something. I've done it, it amuses me at times.

 

Decline the friend invite and move on..

[Echo000]

well i will just say this:

 

1. her friend lives in a different part of the state..so they werent just sitting around hanging out today when that was sent

 

2. Message i thought was layed back..but your right..at this point im not at a point to just say whats up. i said whatsup, hope your well, i ask politely but feel inclined to ask, why are you friending your best friends ex?

 

3. Does any of this matter? of course not. just sucks that people find pleasure by fu***ing with others.

 

Oh and i checked my fb just now. it shows that the girl (my ex's best friend) "saw" my message three hours ago...DID NOT reply to it, and removed her friend request.

 

Lol. Fu** people. Honestly.

[Simon Phoenix]

Way too worked up about this.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

You overthought this in the beginning of it, you sent the message (which was a bad move the whole time because now it makes you look invested) and that's really it. It meant nothing and ignoring it would have been in your best interest. Its over now, so chalk it up and keep moving forward.

[Sugarkane]

I've never done this for a friend, so I don't know. If a friend who was also the dumper (why do dumpers do this?) asked me to do this, I'd tell them to get a life. I have better things to do. Sounds very childish.

The BestFriend would. People do it all the time. If I deleted my ex and my friend still has her on his list, I would view her profile through his page if I feel inclined. No1 likes rejection. Sometimes, you're just curious and nothing more. It's not a crime to be curious, just don't make it an obsession. It's a means to end. You can call it what you want, the fact is: people do what they have to, to get what they want. You have options also if it isn't suitable for you: block him/her, deny their request, make your profile private and all that jazz.

 

I really don't care what people do with their free time as long as it doesn't affect me in a manner that I dislike. Something like this would raise questions but not bother me because, I have full control of the outcome.

[Echo000]

You overthought this in the beginning of it, you sent the message (which was a bad move the whole time because now it makes you look invested) and that's really it. It meant nothing and ignoring it would have been in your best interest. Its over now, so chalk it up and keep moving forward.

 

best thing clearly would have been to ignore. i dont agree that it was therefore a mistake to send a two sentence message asking lightly why she would request me. I didnt say anything sentimental about ex, didnt ask any other questions, and didnt seem too serious either.

 

So mistake? idk what good it will do me to be a robot about these things. i wanted to see if she would give me an answer- even if it was b.s. but to be completely ignored and for HER to remove the friend request (which i never would have accepted) baffles me in its immaturity.

 

I guess i was wrong to hope for a shred of decency.

 

Oh and as for the best friend excuse...give me a break. if my friend wanted me to help him talk to his ex or see if i could do anything, fine. But if my friend wanted me to mess with ex..i.e. by doing something like this, i would tell him to get a life.

[Misfortune]

I've never done this for a friend, so I don't know. If a friend who was also the dumper (why do dumpers do this?) asked me to do this, I'd tell them to get a life. I have better things to do. Sounds very childish.

 

Don't come at me, blame the unwritten laws of the world. You're not them though soooo, more power to you and less to them? To us dumpers are the worst but to the rest of the world, they're still humans with feelings and curiosities like everyone else. These are just things SOME people do, not everyone. Isn't it also childish to dislike someone just because your bestfriend does even though, you don't share their feelings? Even if they're friend was the dumper who violated you, they would have some sort of dislike for you just cause.

[Echo000]

I FIGURED IT OUT.

 

Wow. So went to block that friend of hers that friend requested me, and within hours of me messaging her before, she changed her profile pic. Literally, it was as if the other pic was put up, and she requested me, to show me something. And i saw comments on the new profile pic, and i figured out what that something was...

 

Her friend (the one that requested me) is across the country with my ex right now. My ex said she was moving at the end of August, but she is highly unreliable and i now believe she has already moved (otherwise this friend would not be there).

 

SO. She messaged me because you guys were right. They were together, im sure my ex was curious, and she thought it would be fun to request me. I was used. As entertainment. She probably hoped i would accept, so she could look through my stuff, but you guys were right. im sure she viewed it all lightly. No big deal.."haha lets see what happens" type of thing. and when i did not accept the request, they had no interest in any more entertainment or even replying. so they left it at that.

 

Am i overthinking? Yes. Am i still not over her? Obviously not. But if you love somebody, and it turns out they were nothing but an immature, selfish child the whole time, wouldnt you feel some pain about that too? With all the things iv been through so far in life, its baffling when someone you loved makes things so convoluted, so messy, and shows so little respect toward you.

 

Oh and Misfortune...one thing to be a friend to another person. Another thing to be rude and hurtful for the sake of "being a friend". What her friend did was childish and immature, and because i still have feelings--didnt feel very good.

[Misfortune]

I FIGURED IT OUT.

 

Wow. So went to block that friend of hers that friend requested me, and within hours of me messaging her before, she changed her profile pic. Literally, it was as if the other pic was put up, and she requested me, to show me something. And i saw comments on the new profile pic, and i figured out what that something was...

 

Her friend (the one that requested me) is across the country with my ex right now. My ex said she was moving at the end of August, but she is highly unreliable and i now believe she has already moved (otherwise this friend would not be there).

 

SO. She messaged me because you guys were right. They were together, im sure my ex was curious, and she thought it would be fun to request me. I was used. As entertainment. She probably hoped i would accept, so she could look through my stuff, but you guys were right. im sure she viewed it all lightly. No big deal.."haha lets see what happens" type of thing. and when i did not accept the request, they had no interest in any more entertainment or even replying. so they left it at that.

 

Am i overthinking? Yes. Am i still not over her? Obviously not. But if you love somebody, and it turns out they were nothing but an immature, selfish child the whole time, wouldnt you feel some pain about that too? With all the things iv been through so far in life, its baffling when someone you loved makes things so convoluted, so messy, and shows so little respect toward you.

 

Oh and Misfortune...one thing to be a friend to another person. Another thing to be rude and hurtful for the sake of "being a friend". What her friend did was childish and immature, and because i still have feelings--didnt feel very good.

 

I agree hurting someone in any case isn't a good thing. When people set out to hurt others, they've already done away with the guilt tripping and just want results. Of course it's painful to you who still has feelings for what was. I've been where you are. Wife was with me, her friends were ok with me. Wife abandoned me for someone else, her friends dislike me cuz of w/e she told them and she has their full support in her new relationship. Most people just have an "as long as the person I like is happy" mentality. The other side doesn't matter to them.

 

It happens in LTRs/marriages too. Even if you know what your spouse is doing is wrong, you're expected to compromise yourself and support them. If you don't, it somehow means that you don't "care" about them and all that other stuff. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

[Echo000]

im more surprised than hurt, idk i knew my ex was immature and would say it all the time even when we were together. but having your friend send me a friend request, then ignore the kind message i send back inquiring as to why..to removing the friend request..i mean really? and im sure she did it to put that pic in my face of her with her two friends, and to let me know she has already moved and has her friend by her side.

 

Well, that friend is just with her for now. she has been distracted ever since she decided to move. But karma is a bitch. i dont need to do a damn thing except sit back. eventually she will get hers.

[Sugarkane]

Don't come at me, blame the unwritten laws of the world. You're not them though soooo, more power to you and less to them? To us dumpers are the worst but to the rest of the world, they're still humans with feelings and curiosities like everyone else. These are just things SOME people do, not everyone. Isn't it also childish to dislike someone just because your bestfriend does even though, you don't share their feelings? Even if they're friend was the dumper who violated you, they would have some sort of dislike for you just cause.

 

No it's just seems childish to play immature games for a laugh.

[Echo000]

i dont think in my case it was just for a laugh. I think they were bored, and my ex thought it would be interesting. I think (like others have said) she was hoping i would accept her friends friend request, so she could go through all my stuff. Not because she actually is concerned about me or is hoping im doing well (if she cared like that, she would get in direct touch). Instead, so she could see how my life is without her. Its all based on her ego.

 

She doesnt give a damn about me. She wanted to use her friend's fb to stalk mine. My ex used to go back on her deactivated account just so she could look through my fb (i blocked her current one, and we were friends on her old one before she deactivated it). I was able to trick her onto being online with her deactivated one, and defriended her old one as well.

 

Only thing that makes me scratch my head is how little she cares, about how any of this would affect me. Does she think im retarded and wouldnt realize what she is doing? Its almost funny how little she cares how any of this affects me negatively. Proven in her friend not even bothering to respond to my inquiry as to why she was friending me, as well as her removing her friend request (which, like iv said, was never going to accept).

 

I just wish i didnt care...but its had my mind going. and i know thats what she wants. what a bummer.

[Misfortune]

i dont think in my case it was just for a laugh. I think they were bored, and my ex thought it would be interesting. I think (like others have said) she was hoping i would accept her friends friend request, so she could go through all my stuff. Not because she actually is concerned about me or is hoping im doing well (if she cared like that, she would get in direct touch). Instead, so she could see how my life is without her. Its all based on her ego.

 

She doesnt give a damn about me. She wanted to use her friend's fb to stalk mine. My ex used to go back on her deactivated account just so she could look through my fb (i blocked her current one, and we were friends on her old one before she deactivated it). I was able to trick her onto being online with her deactivated one, and defriended her old one as well.

 

Only thing that makes me scratch my head is how little she cares, about how any of this would affect me. Does she think im retarded and wouldnt realize what she is doing? Its almost funny how little she cares how any of this affects me negatively. Proven in her friend not even bothering to respond to my inquiry as to why she was friending me, as well as her removing her friend request (which, like iv said, was never going to accept).

 

I just wish i didnt care...but its had my mind going. and i know thats what she wants. what a bummer.

 

What was the trick?

 

If her plan was to rile you up, it's a success. She's probably waiting, expectantly, for you to contact her about the situation.