Dilemma

[doggywobbly88]

Hey guys,

I really need some help and support. And advice. I was with someone for only a year and a half but we fell for each other instantly. We was crazily in love and he always treated me well and was so loving towards me. He often said i was the love of his life and he will always be here for me. We both had our problems, i had a lot of financial struggle and he had a drug problem. He felt like i was taking his freedom away after a while even though i never stopped him doing anything. He thought he was trying too hard to make me happy and he said he was not concentrating on his own life and interests. He said he had neglected his friends. He broke up with me in May properly (it was a on off relationship but i never saw it coming). He did it over the phone and he said he will always love me. Since we broke up i have found it hard to let him go because my life revolved around him. I've had a lot of bad stuff happen to me after the relationship and i always turned to him for support. We was sleeping together up until a couple of weeks ago. He said if i was with someone else he would not speak to me again and he would punch the guy I have tried turning to him for support recently and he says hes giving up trying to support me. He does not text anymore and i swear he has just stopped caring about what happens to me. If he needs me i always do stuff for me. When i need him he does not bother with me. I've been sleeping with his friend because his friend has been so lovely to me and supportive. I've made it clear to his friend i don't want a relationship. I have no feelings for this guy, hes just a friend. Recently i met someone who i bonded with straight away, we share so many common interests. He is just like me! We have been keeping in touch online and he truly is a amazing, interesting person. This guy really wants to meet up with me. I don't want to jump into another relationship because i'm still heartbroken. I love my ex but i'm not in love with him. I care about him deeply though. He is being so cold with me its making me dislike him more and more all the time. What do you guys think i should do? I really want to take it slow .... really need help here

[Philosoraptor]

Sounds like your previous relationship was a nice combination of codependency and control. You would be wise not to step back into that dynamic.

 

Personally, you read as someone who attaches very easily and feels the need to have companionship, which is why you are willing to settle for poor dynamics. The best advice I could give you is to make it a point to stay single for awhile and figure yourself out, then move back into the dating world once you are a little more stable.