Relationship put on hold because of his stress over new job. How much space do I give

[Star Gazer]

I dated a firefighter who worked 48s and 72s and lived an hour away and he made sure he was mine and I was his and made time for me on the regular. You're making excuses, because as DSG said, he's done a good job of managing down your expectations.

 

No one is too busy with work to send a text in 4 days, as is the case with the OP's dude. No one.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I agree with what is said here. No guy is ever too busy, no matter what.

 

We need to quit making excuses for them

[Star Gazer]

Think about men who are "busy" being deployed 8000 miles away; many of these guys will still make sure the girl they really like knows he wants to be committed to her, and make the effort to text, write, whatever.

 

BTDT too. When a man is into you, he'll find a way to contact you on the regular and to remind you how much he cares, even when his base is being mortared just 100 yards away. Seriously.

[BluEyeL]

Ha. Trust that I've been in the exact same sitch as Katzee and the OP.

 

Been there done that got the tee-shirt.

I agree with you, just through you were persistent in convincing her.

[BluEyeL]

I dated a firefighter who worked 48s and 72s and lived an hour away and he made sure he was mine and I was his and made time for me on the regular. You're making excuses, because as DSG said, he's done a good job of managing down your expectations.

 

No one is too busy with work to send a text in 4 days, as is the case with the OP's dude. No one.

What happened with him?

[Star Gazer]

What happened with him?

 

Broke up a few months after he got back from Afgh; lovely PTSD and narcissism. But even a narcissist reaches out when there's an 11.5 hour time difference!

[BluEyeL]

Broke up a few months after he got back from Afgh; lovely PTSD and narcissism. But even a narcissist reaches out when there's an 11.5 hour time difference!

They need narcissistic supply.

[Leigh 87]

1973 guy is probably a troll. Or someone that is not worth talking to.

 

Anyways.

 

I do not think the starter of this thread can handle a FWB.

 

Which is what she now is. A FWB.

 

Even if a guy has a 24, 48 or 72 hour crazy work schedule, he will find time to sit down and eat for 30 mins once a day. If he is truly feeling something special about a woman, he WILL spend his break eating AND texting/calling a women he feels strongly enough about.

 

I met a guy once overseas, for less than 24 hours, and already he said he would like a relationship with me once he got home after months; that I was worth waiting for.

Without regular wi fi, he managed to msg me once a day.

It did not work out, but the point is: irrespective of ANY situation, a man WILL make time, even just ONE MINUTE of his time, to text or call a girl he is TRULY into. Every day, be it just one text if he is crazy busy!

 

Even my idiot ex found time to msg me daily to tell me how much he missed me, when he was in Thailand banging hookers:lmao:

 

I would not be able to handle a FWB if I were the OP; once you entertain the idea of a relationship with a guy and WANT to head in that direction, I do not believe all women can just "switch off" like KatZee supposedly can. I would like to see how she would react if the fire boy told her he met a girl who he DID want a relationship with; would she shrug it off? Or just be a little bit perturbed? I say she would get pretty upset... I would.

 

That is why I do not do FWB with a guy once I think we are both crazy for each other and want a relationship; I only date men I am crazy about, and who mutually demonstrate that to ME. Once it is like "that" between us, demoting me to FWB would be crushing.

 

 

Perhaps it would work if you were only lukewarm about a dude you were just getting to know!

[Adele0908]

I've been in a situation like this. I've dated men who are more relationship-ready, and then a couple who were just like the firefighter. What you are likely dealing with is a very masculine man.

 

I read a few books on it since I cared so much...looking back I would like to slap myself...but it's true that when a masculine man is focused on work or is trying to build his career, things like relationships take a backseat. If there are problems at work, that becomes his priority. A man like this can only go deeper into a relationship if he feels stable in his career.

 

So at this point, it's a casual relationship, and he may even consider it a FWB. He thinks that if he said that he is not ready for a relationship, then you should understand that it's not serious. If your feelings for him are very strong, it would be wise for you to back off a bit and even date some other people. You will not be able to make him change. You can however, INSPIRE change, by changing yourself.

 

But don't assume that he wants to be with you. This is not something that you should take seriously AT THIS TIME. It doesn't mean, however, that it can't become serious in the future. But at this time, don't take this situation too seriously.

 

If you want the relationship to work out, you'll have to give him space and fill your time up with friends, activities and possibly other men. Do what you can to have as much fun as possible. He shouldn't expect you to be committed. If he said he doesn't want a relationship, he means it. Just take him at his word.

 

I have been in this situation and it dragged on for a year, and I just ended up crying and shaking in my bed when it was all said and done. The man I was seeing wanted us to be exclusive but not committed, because he wasn't financially ready. I eventually agreed to be exclusive and it was downhill from there. It was really tough dealing with a man with financial problems. It's not just the money issue...it's his moods, disappearing acts, fickleness...he simply cannot be in a relationship with money and job issues, because it actually affects his self-esteem and happiness.

 

So if you want to continue seeing him, know what you are dealing with. It's not impossible, but it's a challenge, and you could very well come out of it seriously scarred. Don't put too much pressure on yourself or him. Remember to do what is necessary to keep your sanity. Situations like this can be very stressful on a woman.