dorothys Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 Lately, I have had a lot to pray about. In just a span of a week, my new boyfriend of 3 weeks has done like a 180 on me and I can't understand what is up. Last weekend, he spent two nights with me and most of the days. This week I have only seen him once and that is when I asked him over. He still calls every morning, but it gets later and later, shorter and shorter. This is his offical explination, but I don't buy it. He says his kids are giving him grief about spending time away from them. He says I am a parent, and I would understand. Well, I do kind of understand. But, he doesn't even want to see me when they have gone to bed. He hints that his kids request may have been started by his ex, but he has determined that yet. This weekend we had plans to meet on Friday night, those were broken. He never called. I got on the computer and he said he was too tired and was going to bed. Then said he would call me before going to bed, but feel asleep and never called. Now, we had plans to do something with his kids and my daughter today. He now says that he hasn't asked the kids, but he will. I have already told him I don't want to come before him and his kids. He told me he knows this. He was like totally in love with me just like a week ago. He would spend endless hours around me, and it was difficult to get him to go home. He was very clingy, not the other way around. Now, he seems to have totally changed. On Wed he mentioned that he thinks he is getting depression. But, then on Thursday he told me that he was just in a mood at the time. I am so confused. Today, I ask him on the phone if he wanted me to stop asking him to come over. And he said no. But then he adds, well I have told you that I am not going to come over just because you ask me too. If I don't want to come over I won't. You should know that. By the way he never asked me to do anything. Last Sunday, he introduced me to his parents. He was talking about getting married in May. Even on Wed, he was still talking about us moving in together. I told him I wouldn't do this until we were married. Tuesday was the last time he told me that he loved me. Of course he always said it first and it was usually in person. He somtimes said it on the phone. Now, I am like totally confused. I don't know if I should cut my losses an move on? If I should be patient and give space? I would like to talk with him, but haven't seen him since Tuesday. And every time I do talk to him he says nothing has changed, and he thinks I worry too much. Hopefully, sombody has experience in my same situation and can give some advice or direction.
SoleMate Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 Definitely cut your losses. Someone who is proposing marriage - and setting a date! - after just three weeks has got a screw loose. Here is some advice that I give a lot, but which appears especially applicable to your situation: Always look at his ACTIONS, NOT his words, to understand his true intentions. A healthy, worthwhile man who really wanted to spend a lifetime with you would take it slower than this, but would be rock solid consistent with the calls, making time for you, making it clear that you are a close #2 in his life (right after his kids). He said: "I have told you that I am not going to come over just because you ask me to." Hunnhh?? That's your brand new bf talking? Stuff that. He should have said, "I'll be over whenever you want me, if it's at all possible." Naturally you would learn to trust each other not to abuse this type of privilege. He's making it clear right from the beginning that your needs are not important to him. I suggest that you pray for the wisdom and strength to move on, and to avoid this type of man in the future.
Author dorothys Posted November 6, 2004 Author Posted November 6, 2004 Thanks for the advice Solmate. It has been really difficult this last week. If anybody has read my previous post, my live in boyfriend of 4yrs broke up with me about 4 mths ago. I went through a mini depression dealing with that. When I met my current boyfriend, I let him know what I had been through, and what I didn't want in a relationship. My ex-boyfriend had suffered from depression, and that is what bascially clouded all 4yrs. Now, for my current boyfriend to spring this one me, after telling me that everything is okay. Well, I must say I am very confused. He seemed like the "one". But, now, it is like he is trying to push me out without telling me to leave. It would be nice to get some guys point of view. If any guy out there thinks he can shed a little light on this confusing situation I would appreciate it.
daphne Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 D, I don't think you need to hear a man's perspective on this to know what's going on. Sole hit the nail on the head. It sounds like your guy is a commitmentphobe, an insincere one at best. When you told him you didn't want a relationship at that time, he saw you as a challenge and probably talked you into it. Now that he has you, he's pulling back because he doesn't really know what he wants because now he's in a conundrum of pushing forward with someone he barely knows. He wanted you to get close and now your'e too close so he's freaking out. Typical cp behavior. I've seen a lot of this happen since it happened to me and let me tell you, it's no picnic. I have seen a couple that have gone back but only to seriously mess with the girl yet again. There is no figuring out why or reading his mind. Whatever is going on in his mind would only confuse you more. There are only actions. And his actions aren't showing a lot of consistency with his words. I pray that you run far away from this guy and don't let him suck you back in. You just don't know the ride you're getting on...
Nocturnalkitee Posted November 7, 2004 Posted November 7, 2004 Originally posted by dorothys If anybody has read my previous post, my live in boyfriend of 4yrs broke up with me about 4 mths ago. I went through a mini depression dealing with that. I think that you jumped into this new relationship to soon. You have not giving yourself enough time to heal from being with your ex. 4 Yrs. is a long time to be with someone, then break up, and you are now in another relationship considering marriage. If anything I feel you should slow this down and deal with this man on your terms.
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