smerf79 Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 It all starts when my bf of 2.5 years and I broke up. We had a great relationship. He was/is my soulmate-we had an ultimate connection. But the relationship starting to fall apart because due to factors outside the relationship I became severely depressed. So we broke up. This was about 2 years ago. For the first year we remained friendly and he would from time to time, pour his heart out: he wanted me, loved me, needed me, etc... but I was still dealing w/ some issues and he's not the most patient person-everything is black and white to him so my depression was hard for him. Anyway, last October we both start dating other people (unknowingly) but still had friendly contact. In Feb. of this year, we spoke on the phone and realized that we still missed each other and that these other people in our lives weren't cutting it so we give it a go or so I thought. In about a weeks time we go to dinner, talk, fight, and he tells me he misses this other girl and my timing is all wrong. I'm devasted because he in fact never left this other girl like he said and led me to believe that I was the one..blah, blah, blah. Well 6 months had gone by and in August I get a phone from him apologizing for the way he acted; he wished we could have kept it friendly; he didn't mean to be so harsh but he had all these feelings for me and wasn't sure what to do. But he was still with that girl and I was kinda glad because I had closure in a way. He moved on, I was doing my thing but we were going to continue to have a friendship again. Well 2 days go by, he wants to go to lunch, dumb me say yes and he tells me he dumped this other girl. Brief history on this girl: she's 6 years younger and from Colombia therefore she goes bk and forth to see her family; she's already been married and she's supposedly divorce-no one knws the real story. Anyway, she was on your way bck to Colombia the day we went to lunch but he broke up with her and knew I was the "one". Well scared of being hurt again, I asked "how do I know when she gets back you won't leave me again" Looks me in dead in the eyes, " I would never do that; you're the one I want; I don't need to test the waters with you so the ball is your court." Me an obvious idiot says lets go slow. A week goes by and I really believe he was in love with me-he had that silly look in his eyes-he would lite up when I was with him then I get this crap that my heart isn't into it because I want to take it slow. He reassures me again that he would never hurt me. So I drop my guard. We date for a month but then bang. Get a call "I'm date feeling it, we should just be friends." WTF. Says its him not me. What makes it even worse his mom and I have a dynamite relationship and she was telling me to keep contact with him because he's just going through things; the other girl isn't in the picture-he's done with her. Well 2 wks ago I get an email "I back with ---, lets be friends still, ok?" The kicker is his mom had no idea he start seeing her again which led to a fight between her and him which led to a nasty email to me which led to me going to see him face to face. He talked for 3 hours because there were so many unanswered questions. He tells me he went back to her because she's"a dynamite girl, she's smart, she works the same hours as I do, I can go 3 weeks without seeing her and its no problem," again WTF. Then he tells me its not that he doesn't have those feelings for me but I hurt him and he's moved on and he's not looking for marriage and I'm where he was a year ago with wanting me back??? I asked if he loved her and he said "I don't think so." For the life of me I can't figure out why he's really with this girl. If you really love someone, I don't your tracking down your ex 2xs in 10 months to rekindle. And he and I really had that intense love-the kind when you hear the stories you go ick. And he's not a big one with feelings especially love. His mother even attested to that and she swore he and I where going to stay together because even after broke up, actually even recently he stated "if I was ever going to marry someone it would have been Nicole(me)" So how is he now in a relationship of what seems to be convience after what we had. I don't know-I guess I'm over analyzing. But despite it all, we decide to still be friends. Friend thing worked for 6 days, we talked here an there but now its been 1.5 weeks and NC from him. Its like he disappeared. He asked me to email him some info and he hasn't responded with so much as a thanks. And he's usually online several times a day and since last tuesday I haven't seen him once. Most of our contact is through IMs. I know I shouldn't care nor want him in my life but its like we have a great convo, still decide to be friends after all that has happened, and now he's MIA. I can't stand not knowing. I know I may sound like a psycho but I've never loved someone this much and I'm so confused.
Lollsabell Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 Of course you don't sound like a psycho, hon, I kind of get where you're coming from here anyway! Okay, so let me get this straight. He kept calling you back even though you were trying to move on? Or were you??? While he may be the love of your life, maybe the timing was wrong for the relationship. Perhaps you need to be WC (and this time be SERIOUS about doing it! ) , both so you can get yourself back on your feet with your depression and so you can both work out how you feel. Couples are not melded together by some magic force; they are two seperate people with seperate understandings of the world. So when you say he was seeing thingsa in "black and white" that may just be his perception. As a person prone to spells of depression myself, I often find people saying things like, "Get over it," and so on. Not very helpful when you're too down to get out of bed, let alone over "it"! Perhaps you need sometime to be a stronger, happier person in your own right, as perhaps so does he. If you decide to stay apart, don't worry, all I can say is that I cannot gurrantee how long it will be til you are relatively "fine" again but you will. All I can say is you do not need to have someone to be happy, let alone someone who cannot decide whether he actually wants you or not! While the notion of "Holding out" for him is also very romantic and things, (It's the same with me, why do us girls put ourselves through it?! ) If he does love you, he would want you to be happy. So concentrate on building on that. I don't know if this will be of any help to you, but I hope so. Please write back and let me know how you are. Take care. Loll x
Lollsabell Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 ps when I say WC I meant NC. An error, nothing to do with lavotries!
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