Divorce Finalized Today

[FutureLT]

It seems really quick to me, I had always envisioned divorce as some long drawn out process, but I'm just over 2 months into my ex-wife leaving, and we've already taken care of everything and severed all our ties. To be honest I'm feeling relieved. I still have my sad days, but they're few and far between, and I can go days without thinking about the situation now.

 

I've got 3 more days left to finish out my two-weeks notice at work, then I'm getting the hell out of here to find something worthwhile. A new OSO is rotating into the Selection Office I've been working with, so I met with him, updated him on my current situation, and apparently made a great impression on him with my emotional strength, bearing, and motivation, so he said he'll personally see to it that I'm an Active Duty Officer within a year. Having that to look forward to and motivate me to move on has been a huge help.

 

Counseling has been a huge help as well, I encourage anyone who can meet with a counselor to do so, it's unbelievable how much help one hour can be each week. I started my counseling within 2 weeks of our split, and I'm at a place where next Tuesday is going to be my last session because I've got the tools to handle this on my own, in a healthy, productive manner.

 

For those out there that are just starting the process, or are even a month into it, just hang in there, it really does get better. Everyone felt the same way you feel, and everyone gets through it. Just keep forging ahead, DO NOT get hung up in Hopeville.

 

There's absolutely no reason you can't forge ahead with your own life, and let a part of yourself hold onto the idea that things could still reconcile one day. You've got to just be willing to accept the current situation you are in, it sucks, it's uncomfortable, and in most cases people feel it's undeserved. Accept it, don't fight the feelings, feel them, then move on.

 

The most important part for me has been FORCING myself to do things. I maintain my responsibilities with work, and taking care of my pets, but I found myself spending far too much of my day sitting around the house either writing about the situation, talking to friends/family about the situation, reading about others in the same situation, etc. . . It was too prevalent in my mind.

 

Don't try to fight it and force it out entirely or you'll just set yourself up to be overwhelmed at some point, just start training your brain to deal with the thoughts effectively. Start desensitizing yourself to everything that hurts right now. Wedding pictures were a big thing for me, hung up all around the house, I took them all down at once and that emptiness was worse than seeing them. So I put them all back up and that didn't help either, then my counselor recommended taking them down one at a time, spending some time having my feelings about the one I took down that day, then packing it away and letting go. I did this each day and now I've got no pictures left on the walls, and I've replaced them with pictures of friends, family, pets, myself, anything that I can enjoy looking at.

 

Separation is a traumatic experience, it puts you into crisis mode and it takes time to readjust. Don't expect it to just happen one day, understand that it's going to take some effort on your part, and each day will be slightly better than the last, occasionally you'll feel like you've fallen back down to the bottom, that's fine! You'll get back to where you were more quickly this time, and you'll climb even higher, if you fall again, still fine! Just don't fall down and give up.

 

Now is the time to let go of the past, and find yourself some happiness that doesn't rely on anyone or anything. If you are relying on others to build you up, then you are setting yourself up to fall. Same with things, you may be able to go out and buy that brand new thing you've been wanting, and it will grant you some relief from this. . . but that's only temporary. Just tough it out, and get through it, and when you get to the other side of it you'll be able to look back and say that you made it through and you're a better person now because of it. Focus on yourself! Did you always want to be thinner? More muscular? More sociable? Read more? Well now is the time. Find the things that you want for yourself and go after them, build yourself up, that way you are the only one who can put yourself down.

 

I understand the desire to have someone who can come and make this all go away, but treat this as a gift, treat it as if a higher power knows what's best for you and is granting you the opportunity to have something better. It's a hard learned lesson, but the growth that comes with it is priceless. It's growth and experience you're going to take with you into the next chapter of your life and it's going to make your next relationship more successful because of it. Don't ever settle, you know what you deserve, so go get it.

[Balzac]

Congratulations! Moving on its what it's all about.