Simon Phoenix Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 So I should sit back and hope the stars align in my favor down the road at somepoint? I mean, im working on me and getting on with my life but I do want another chance at this...so it seems that NC will be a forever situation and I should just place all hope in the somewhat possiblity that the stars will align on there own...I mean I've been doing that already for almost two months and each day gets easier then the next, so I'm -ok- with that to a certain extent... I just feel like the outreach will help leave her thinking about things that's she's probably not cognizant of at the moment and possibly leave a door open for a possible reconciliation down the road. I could also be very wrong (that's why im here looking for support and direction as I do want things to work out at somepoint) but for now NC it is..and working on me to better my situation with work and such. Thx for the input ... for now the letter will stay in its notebook and I'll keep taking each day as it comes... You shouldn't be waiting for anything from her. You should be working primarily for you. No waiting now or ever. Don't put your life on hold for her -- she isn't for you.
Author cnb Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 I'm not putting my life on hold...I'm doing things to better me at the moment...as for "she's not for you" - guess its a matter of opinion...I have always believed she was exactly "the one" - maybe it will work out and maybe it won't... (but I will still have hope/faith in the end it will)...thats not putting my life on hold...that's just being hopeful ... Can't help the way I feel about this woman... it does suck, I hate feeling this way...and hate the distance we have between us at the moment...but i'm dealing with it one day at a time. Its all I can do...While I work on me.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I'm not putting my life on hold...I'm doing things to better me at the moment...as for "she's not for you" - guess its a matter of opinion...I have always believed she was exactly "the one" - maybe it will work out and maybe it won't... (but I will still have hope/faith in the end it will)...thats not putting my life on hold...that's just being hopeful ... Can't help the way I feel about this woman... it does suck, I hate feeling this way...and hate the distance we have between us at the moment...but i'm dealing with it one day at a time. Its all I can do...While I work on me. You misinterpreted what I said, which now after re-reading it I can see why you did. When I say "She isn't for you" I meant that she isn't putting her life on hold for you so you shouldn't for her.
Author cnb Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 Ahhhhhhhaaaa...now that makes perfect sense! Yeah she sure isn't just dwelling and not doing what she needs to day in and day out...that I will agree with you 100%
Author cnb Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 Today for some reason was extremely hard on me ..the whole day I felt like an emotional wreck, not sure why but constantly fell like I was on the verge of holding back tears..not a good day for me what's so ever... some days I feel like I'm just getting by while others feel like im just about to loose my self emotionally. Can't wait to feel like the cloud has lifted.
btyoung21 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Today for some reason was extremely hard on me ..the whole day I felt like an emotional wreck, not sure why but constantly fell like I was on the verge of holding back tears..not a good day for me what's so ever... some days I feel like I'm just getting by while others feel like im just about to loose my self emotionally. Can't wait to feel like the cloud has lifted. Sorry to hear that, I also have days like those. I think it's because you are at a crossroads; either moving on or holding to the idea of coming back. Eventually, you have to decide what to do. You are in a limbo of sorts, and it does suck to be in that place. No shame in pursuing further, but thats if you can take the s**t that will come your way. Most will say the prudent thing would be to move on. It's really up to you, but you have to make a choice and stick with it. But once you've made up your mind (to let go or to pursue further), there will be clarity. After weighing everything and all advice given, I've made up my mind a week ago, and I feel a lot better now. In the least, it gives me a semblance of direction/plan/outcome whatever those may be.
Author cnb Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 Yeah unfortunately im freaking stuck shackled by fearstill of the outcome so NC is all I can do at the moment. I just don't want to do something and regret it but I also feel like if I do nothing then im basically giving up. Just hate this feeling inside me...I couldn't sleep all night because of my running thoughts..I just wish there was a switch to turn off my mind from thinking so much when I truly don't want to... I got some pills to help me sleep tonight though so im looking forward to sleeping...wish this nightmare would just end already...
BC1980 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 It took me 4 months of LC to make the decision to do NC for myself. I'm not doing it to get him back. I was doing LC for a few months, letting him initiate to see where it would lead. At first, I did it out of curiosity to see if he would contact me, and I got so much more than I bargained for with that. He wouldn't stop contacting me, but he wouldn't commit either. For me, the relationship is done at this point. I was having trouble admitting that I needed to do NC for myself, but, d*mn, enough is enough at some point. You've got to cut your losses somewhere. Once you get out of limbo, life will be so much better. I'm sad, but I feel a peace that I did the right thing.
Author cnb Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 Yeah for me I cut all ties/contact...but can't seem to get my freaking mind to follow suit! When I try to go to sleep at night my mind just seems to be racing filled with thoughts and I can't seem to get them to stop..at all!!! As much as I don't want to be thinking about any of this for some reason my mind just wont freaking work with me here!!! I can't wait ti take these freaking pills and get rest tonight ..I hope this gets better sooner than later!!! I feel like at times my emotions are going to drive me crazy...like today all I wanted to do was cry and that feeling hasn't left I hate it...some days are much better then others but when its bad its freaking horrible :-(
Author cnb Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 (edited) Today yet again not doing so well...wound up eating 10mgs of xanax and still feel like I need more...I just want this fkn pain and thoughts to go away already...feeling more fkn down and not sure how to handle it all...starting to really slip...hate this feeling, wish things in my life were easier, starting to think about bad thoughts concerning my future and although I want to be stronger, just feels like everything that can go wrong in my life has been and its hard to get out of that mind set...just not sure what's going to happen with me and my life at this point...starting to feel like leaving life would just be so much more easier at this point...I'm trying to fight those feelings, but with the way **** has been going, Its not looking good...her leaving me was just the last straw on so many things that are going wrong...I just wish I could be young and do things over...but feel like my chances at almost all areas of my life now are just ruined with no hope of fixing anything to make anything better...today will be a long day of serious contemplation on my life and if I truly want to keep dealing with this fk'd up world... Thank again for all your input people. Edited September 4, 2013 by cnb
Simon Phoenix Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I think it's time for you to talk to a professional. I think your issues are outside of our pay grade. Good luck. 2
lylat333 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 (edited) cnb, I'm not a doctor but I'm extremely skeptical of sleeping pills or antidepressants. If you haven't tried this I really, really think you should. Go for a long, long walk. At least an hour, whether it's around town or laps around a park. When I do something in the evening to help wear me down sleep comes easier. That said, I agree that you might find help in a professional. I had 6 visits with a counselor where I live and it helped a lot. She really cared about me, I felt she could truly see my pain and I could talk about anything with her. Now I look forward to the day... I don't know when it will be but I will truly move on one way or another and I'll be able to call her and tell her I turned out OK. I'm still on the rollercoaster. Sometimes I will feel confidence welling up within me that I'm doing all the right things and it's all going to pan out, other times I get so disheartened because I may never hear from her again. What if she starts getting involved with someone we knew? I don't know what I would do. Actually, I do know... even though I still feel I love her and have wished for nothing more than for this all to be a huge misunderstanding that can be fully corrected, deep deep down I know there will come a point where I will realize the pain isn't for me. Last night I think I started to feel attraction again to someone else for the first time. Some young girl who worked at a local sports store, she is probably really young! But she was so damn cute, no makeup or anything. The problem? She shared the same name as my ex of 6 1/2 years! Turned out to be a great way for me to smile inside at something even though I knew nothing would ever come of it. Sorry to be so long-winded, but we support you. Don't turn to drugs/substances to make you feel better. If you go for that long walk let me know how it goes. I went on a 1 hr. 40 min. one a few weeks ago and afterwards was one of the times I've felt best in the past 40+ days. Edited September 5, 2013 by lylat333
btyoung21 Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 (edited) I agree with lylat333 about taking long walks to relax a bit, you should try it out. I've been there CNB, especially the first couple of weeks we broke up; suicidal thoughts and ideas come to mind. These things come up when your coping mechanism (your mind) cannot take the pain anymore. It is a perfectly normal human reaction to extreme distress or anguish. The thing is; don't act on it. Killing yourself won't solve anything, it won't get your ex back or make your life better in any way. Focus on making a plan for yourself, to get back on your feet. If you feel more stable, then try to think how to approach your situation regarding your ex. Like I said; decide whether to let go or to pursue. Being in that state is wasting your time. Pick yourself up, get stronger and decide what you really want to do moving forward. I've already decided to pursue my ex after a finite amount of NC, and I just feel excited/anxious to carry out my plan. I do have a good feeling it will work out for us. At the end of the day, you won't blame yourself for not trying hard enough. If you decide to pursue; look good, be smart, witty, funny, cool and patient. You won't be able to fake these things unless you are completely STABLE, NC will help you reach that level of mental/emotional stability. Get it? Today yet again not doing so well...wound up eating 10mgs of xanax and still feel like I need more...I just want this fkn pain and thoughts to go away already...feeling more fkn down and not sure how to handle it all...starting to really slip...hate this feeling, wish things in my life were easier, starting to think about bad thoughts concerning my future and although I want to be stronger, just feels like everything that can go wrong in my life has been and its hard to get out of that mind set...just not sure what's going to happen with me and my life at this point...starting to feel like leaving life would just be so much more easier at this point...I'm trying to fight those feelings, but with the way **** has been going, Its not looking good...her leaving me was just the last straw on so many things that are going wrong...I just wish I could be young and do things over...but feel like my chances at almost all areas of my life now are just ruined with no hope of fixing anything to make anything better...today will be a long day of serious contemplation on my life and if I truly want to keep dealing with this fk'd up world... Thank again for all your input people. Edited September 6, 2013 by btyoung21
btyoung21 Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Yeah unfortunately im freaking stuck shackled by fearstill of the outcome so NC is all I can do at the moment. I just don't want to do something and regret it but I also feel like if I do nothing then im basically giving up. This basically sums up your situation. You are ruled by the fear of rejection. NC should work for you, not against you. It seems that you are using NC as a cave/shield against being rejected if you decide to act on it, this should not be the case. Instead, use NC to strengthen yourself if you do plan to reconnect. Let's face it man, there is a possibility we might get rejected if we try. No matter how suave or cool our plan is, there is that possibility. Now, it's on you to make your reconnect plan the best approach possible. That only you know; since you know your ex the best. As for me; I'm still in progress of continually improving my reconnect plan and staying NC in the Batcave. Getting better, stronger and smarter (getting anxious too hahaha!)
btyoung21 Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 BUMPing this thread. Just wondering where the threadstarter has gone? CNB? Last posts were about suicide.. I hope he's okay.
Author cnb Posted September 13, 2013 Author Posted September 13, 2013 Hey board... I am alive, taking each day as it comes...just so happens I took way more xanax then needed and wound up in the hospital - its a rough road my friends.. But since my last post and being hospitalized it kind of helped me (in a good way) so, NC it will be - for life- cause I don't need to stress other people with my sob story of lost love...everyone has it...just this time it caught me off guard..I was slipping to fast away from being healthy both mind and spirit. So not to stress my family out anymore, This hospitalization helped me see things in a different light.. Thanks for your concern btyoung21 - I will continue to post in this thread to help me work through some issues, plus it will serve as a constant reminder that life is to short. CNB -
lylat333 Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 Glad to hear you are OK, cnb... I was worried something like this could happen. It's OK to talk to others about what you're going through. I still do it, and people generally always assure me it's OK and are happy to be there for me. I talked to my hairstylist about it today, I chatted about it with people I play an online game with whom I've never met. Thinking of you, cnb... it's a cliche phrase but take care of yourself. I've been working on that with myself. Telling myself it's OK if I feel too tired/depressed to stay active every second of the day... I need to relax which I have a hard time doing because I feel like I'm not being productive and giving in. Do whatever it is that makes you feel better and continue to heal.
btyoung21 Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 Glad to see you're good! Hey man, I get those suicidal thoughts too. Just so you know you're not alone. I just counteract those thoughts with visions of a better future for myself. Right now, I'm still working on myself for that big day. It's never easy is it? All my best wishes man, Ben Hey board... I am alive, taking each day as it comes...just so happens I took way more xanax then needed and wound up in the hospital - its a rough road my friends.. But since my last post and being hospitalized it kind of helped me (in a good way) so, NC it will be - for life- cause I don't need to stress other people with my sob story of lost love...everyone has it...just this time it caught me off guard..I was slipping to fast away from being healthy both mind and spirit. So not to stress my family out anymore, This hospitalization helped me see things in a different light.. Thanks for your concern btyoung21 - I will continue to post in this thread to help me work through some issues, plus it will serve as a constant reminder that life is to short. CNB -
JoelBarish Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 Hey board... I am alive, taking each day as it comes...just so happens I took way more xanax then needed and wound up in the hospital - its a rough road my friends.. But since my last post and being hospitalized it kind of helped me (in a good way) so, NC it will be - for life- cause I don't need to stress other people with my sob story of lost love...everyone has it...just this time it caught me off guard..I was slipping to fast away from being healthy both mind and spirit. So not to stress my family out anymore, This hospitalization helped me see things in a different light.. Thanks for your concern btyoung21 - I will continue to post in this thread to help me work through some issues, plus it will serve as a constant reminder that life is to short. CNB - I am on meds too. Not Xanax though. What happened when you took too much? Just curious so that I know to be careful.
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