labryinth Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Hi.. this community has helped me a lot. And yet again when I am in crisis.. I am turning in here. I was dumped some 1 and a half years back. But still remained in contact. I have not been speaking to him for like 2 weeks from now and was missing him I wrote him a message to which he replied rudely. I happened to write him again .. but he hasnt replied. I am so upset and my heart is pounding ..thinking he might have blocked me.. he has given me enough pains and insults but then all in the name of 'oh I love him so much' I continue taking **** and compromise on my self esteem. I am so scared right now. I try to block him write notes to myself to remind me that I do not have to contact him ..but I fail miserably in my effort. He knows that I am weak but continues to mistreat me.. what should I do .. I am feeling so looserish. I have tried implementing every advice discussed on this forum but I nothing works and I am as messed as I was before or even worse. Its been so long I want to make peace with myself..move on not look back and not love him. Any thoughts which help me deal with my crisis would be much appreciated. Thanks!
forgetmenot75 Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 girl, you need to think clearly. Why on hearth did you continue contact with him when he dumped you 1 year ago? You are trying to sustain the inevitable. He doesn't care, he's moved on, why are you still messaging him? It's on you, if you want to prolong the agony, wasting precious time of your life, keep in contact. If, on the other hand, you want to move on, find a new one who respects you and loves you as you deserve, block that asho** and never again look back. He's laughing at your expense right now, I promise.
Author labryinth Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 I have so tried to go nc. Sometimes he was the one who contacted me and sometimes it was me. I blocked and all but still it does not help. I am crying bitterly! I understand he does not give two hoots about my feelings. Probably I am afraid of loosing him an opportunity of just being friends with him.. he surely has moved on.. but I feel I am nothing without him. Vacation friends meeting new guys nothings helped. I am so hung up:( I hate myself!
JDPT Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 I can tell you what you have been doing wrong which is "But still remained in contact" Take this full year as a learning and experience and implement immediately NC. This is as if you just broke up with him, I see it that way since you have recently decided not go contact him any further hence all the convoluted you are feelings at this moment. Be strong as the worst is yet to come. You will have many ups and downs down the road but keep in mind that if you put in effort you will come out of this a new and improved you.
Author labryinth Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 I get your point. I tried cutting it off. Probably, I am obsessing about him but I am scared of the thought of him not being around. I am scared of the thought of settling with someone else. I am feeling so low..! He now says he never loved me it was all stress with me. Whatever things he did for me while we were in a relationship he would have done that for a friend as well. I wasted my three years of my life on him.. and continuing to do that! I do not want to be such a waste.. I was never so.. I want to be accepted and loved and cared for... it is taking far too much time!
forgetmenot75 Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 you need to listen to people here. If you posted your story it's because you really want help, I assume. go to a counselor, block him for every possible way of contact, and understand that he might be contacting you for different purposes, and not because he's in love with you. Love is a different thing. He might be needing an ego boost (I think you must be wonderful at that), he might just be bored, he might just feel sorry for you, or he might be a real asho## and might like to have you hanging on there. I wish you could see things as clear as I'm seeing right now. It sucks when people are in the fog and cannot see clearly. ugh 1
JDPT Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 (edited) I don't see it as a waste but rather a learning experience. I think you are just starting to realize gradually what lead you to experience the emotions you are feeling at this moment. I think these emotions may be amplified as you are now understanding that this relationship was nothing but a detriment to you. Take it slow and don't be so hard on yourself, as stated be strong, you will need to be. Analyze this past relationship objectively and internalize the reasons why you two are no longer together and come to the realization that in time you will be better off. Everything you are feeling is pretty common embrace your feeling and stay connected to your feelings, not your feelings for him but YOURS only. You will gradually start to understand and realize that you need to let go of your past. You can now understand that the way you "tried" to cope with this was not conducive and that implementing NC is stating the obvious. Edited August 14, 2013 by JDPT 1
Author labryinth Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 Childish as I may sound, i always tend to read more than between the lines to his msg (which he always sends after I go nc on him) "hope you are doing well" and I pull a strings of msgs and calls. Btw our relationship was a long distance one. You are right - i am very good at giving him an ego boost ..how good he is (which apparently he is). The fact that he is living in the usa and that he knows so many people that he could to any country he likes ..makes him think I am such a lesser mortal.
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