It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 So calling these dating profiles is a bit generous, doncha think? He was looking for hook ups....
Author cottoncandy3 Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 So calling these dating profiles is a bit generous, doncha think? He was looking for hook ups.... Pretty much. Although if I said that I'd get berated for it. What I don't understand is I told him so many times "hey if you want to go hook up tell me and were done. We can be friends". I asked him countless times if he rather date someone in his town. Said no way a thousand times. I really don't get it. I even suggested going on a break, taking some time to "find himself" and see where we end up in a few months. Said no he didn't want that.
Betterthanthis13 Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 I want to end things in a manner that shuts him down. Like he literally can't say a word, can't lie, can't make up excuses, can't blame. Literally says "okay" or nothing. That is how I just ended my relationship. It took me a long time but we lived together. He is a very good liar and manipulator. A known cheater that i took back and gave a second chance to. I had to corner him in a lie, and be very nice about it, not lose my cool, until his brain exploded and he couldn't talk his way out of it. I was as nice as pie the whoe time.
crepesuzette Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 No you are NOT over reacting. I am in R for 4 years now. I would never ever consider stepping out of line in my M EVER again. Your WH has not learned what caused him to stray in the first place. His defensiveness and him telling you that you HAVE to let it go is a MAJOR red flag. A WS who just says what the BS wants to hear, or does the minimum and stops working on themselves after the BS "gets off their case" is only going to do it again. Steer clear of him, no matter what he is verbally saying...so many BS stop tracking and checking on their WS's...MAJOR MISTAKE...those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing...please remember that.
It's Just Me Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Well, cottoncandy... I think what YOU want counts as much as what he wants. The cynic in me thinks this: if he gets so high that he does bizarre things like look for hookups, he might have a costly drug problem. Having you to share the rent might free up some extra cash; this is why he gets upset about the possibility of you not moving in. And whether or not he "used" his profile to find someone is beside the point. One's character is defined (among other things) by what we do when people are NOT looking. My biggest concern would be what other little skeletons are laying around in that closet. Personally, drugs + posting dating/hookup profiles while we are in a relationship would be absolute deal-breakers for me. I think you deserve a lot more respect than that, and you are to be commended for being so level-headed.
Author cottoncandy3 Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 That is how I just ended my relationship. It took me a long time but we lived together. He is a very good liar and manipulator. A known cheater that i took back and gave a second chance to. I had to corner him in a lie, and be very nice about it, not lose my cool, until his brain exploded and he couldn't talk his way out of it. I was as nice as pie the whoe time. That's exactly what I freaking did the first time. I gently approached him about it. But when he started lying (said someone must have been out to get him - "this stuff always happens to me! It makes me look bad! I swear if I made them I'd tell you so we could move on!"
whichwayisup Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 We were in a LDR for 3 years. A few months ago my friend was on a stupid escort/dating site and saw him on it. Pics and everything. He denied it for a week until admitting that he made it when he was high (didnt know he was smoking). He proved he didn't use them as the site doesn't let you delete anything. He swore up and down there werent any more. I told him to tell me now or I cant move forward. Still said no only one. I forgave him because he was depressed and told me he was going to get help and stop the drugs. We were doing fine. I was planning on moving in soon. He asked why I was a bit hesitant and I brought up the profile and how I felt hurt still. He got angry and said I forgave him and I need to drop it. I felt like he was lying again. During this time, I decided to do my own search to see if there were any more. Simply googled his email and there was. Two profiles. I don't know how to proceed. It doesn't look like he really used these either though. If I end it and explain why, he's going to resort to name calling like last time. Saying I'm a creep, that I don't trust him. Do not move in with him. He is totally disrespecting you and is SOOOO not ready for any commitment since he has two profiles and has a drug problem. (is he seeking help or just saying he'll stop? Saying and doing are two different things!) Anyway, who cares if he calls you a creep. you know you are not one and HE is the one who has problems that need to be fixed and seems to have a drug problem too. You don't trust him now as he has proven to you he cannot be trusted! 1
Author cottoncandy3 Posted August 15, 2013 Author Posted August 15, 2013 Do not move in with him. He is totally disrespecting you and is SOOOO not ready for any commitment since he has two profiles and has a drug problem. (is he seeking help or just saying he'll stop? Saying and doing are two different things!) Anyway, who cares if he calls you a creep. you know you are not one and HE is the one who has problems that need to be fixed and seems to have a drug problem too. You don't trust him now as he has proven to you he cannot be trusted! No, moving in is off the table. He said he would do drug tests if I want. But honestly, I don't really know.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 CC the sex stuff is pretty worrisome and he won't cop to it, right?
Betterthanthis13 Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 That's exactly what I freaking did the first time. I gently approached him about it. But when he started lying (said someone must have been out to get him - "this stuff always happens to me! It makes me look bad! I swear if I made them I'd tell you so we could move on!" That's what I'm saying it took me awhile to figure out a way to phrase things so that I was calling him on a lie and he couldn't get out of it. He still tried to avoid the subject, deny, turn it around on me, etc. I just didn't give up
Author cottoncandy3 Posted August 15, 2013 Author Posted August 15, 2013 Well, this sucks! He called and broke things off without giving me a chance to say a word. Cutting my losses.
Betterthanthis13 Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 Well, this sucks! He called and broke things off without giving me a chance to say a word. Cutting my losses. I'm sorry, I know it sucks to be put through all this BS. You really are better off and he truly did you a favor- he's not datable. 1
Author cottoncandy3 Posted August 15, 2013 Author Posted August 15, 2013 I'm sorry, I know it sucks to be put through all this BS. You really are better off and he truly did you a favor- he's not datable. I wonder if he read this? Haha. 1
Betterthanthis13 Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 I wonder if he read this? Haha. I hope he did. I hope he reads this too. Hey cottoncandy's xbf: You are a dumbass. 1
Author cottoncandy3 Posted August 15, 2013 Author Posted August 15, 2013 I hope he did. I hope he reads this too. Hey cottoncandy's xbf: You are a dumbass. I was just asked out by two people as soon as I removed him from relationship status on Facebook. No idea what he's missing. 2
Mr. Lucky Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 Well, this sucks! He called and broke things off without giving me a chance to say a word. Cutting my losses. You're absolutely getting out cheaply. Thank your lucky stars! Mr. Lucky
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