cottoncandy3 Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 We were in a LDR for 3 years. A few months ago my friend was on a stupid escort/dating site and saw him on it. Pics and everything. He denied it for a week until admitting that he made it when he was high (didnt know he was smoking). He proved he didn't use them as the site doesn't let you delete anything. He swore up and down there werent any more. I told him to tell me now or I cant move forward. Still said no only one. I forgave him because he was depressed and told me he was going to get help and stop the drugs. We were doing fine. I was planning on moving in soon. He asked why I was a bit hesitant and I brought up the profile and how I felt hurt still. He got angry and said I forgave him and I need to drop it. I felt like he was lying again. During this time, I decided to do my own search to see if there were any more. Simply googled his email and there was. Two profiles. I don't know how to proceed. It doesn't look like he really used these either though. If I end it and explain why, he's going to resort to name calling like last time. Saying I'm a creep, that I don't trust him.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 We were in a LDR for 3 years. A few months ago my friend was on a stupid escort/dating site and saw him on it. Pics and everything. He denied it for a week until admitting that he made it when he was high (didnt know he was smoking). He proved he didn't use them as the site doesn't let you delete anything. He swore up and down there werent any more. I told him to tell me now or I cant move forward. Still said no only one. I forgave him because he was depressed and told me he was going to get help and stop the drugs. We were doing fine. I was planning on moving in soon. He asked why I was a bit hesitant and I brought up the profile and how I felt hurt still. He got angry and said I forgave him and I need to drop it. I felt like he was lying again. During this time, I decided to do my own search to see if there were any more. Simply googled his email and there was. Two profiles. I don't know how to proceed. It doesn't look like he really used these either though. If I end it and explain why, he's going to resort to name calling like last time. Saying I'm a creep, that I don't trust him. It would be a huge mistake for you to proceed to deepen the relationship (move in) until you have satisfactory answers for both those. Not sure what satisfactory means to you but I don't think a defensive name calling is a good sign. So did the excuse of making the profile when he was high work for you? It doesn't for me. He was high, ok, maybe, but why a escort dating site? Most people eat when they are high...just sayin. I think this is exactly the time to have an open conversation. Tell him what you found and that it indicates that he lies to you. And when you ask about it or show reservations he gets mean. Forgiving does not mean forgetting and since he dopidnt come clean with the whole picture you didnt forgive the whike thing. Who cares if he says you don't trust him, you don't. Don't move in with him, yet. These are RED FLAGS. But you know that...right? 5
Author cottoncandy3 Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 It would be a huge mistake for you to proceed to deepen the relationship (move in) until you have satisfactory answers for both those. Not sure what satisfactory means to you but I don't think a defensive name calling is a good sign. So did the excuse of making the profile when he was high work for you? It doesn't for me. He was high, ok, maybe, but why a escort dating site? Most people eat when they are high...just sayin. I think this is exactly the time to have an open conversation. Tell him what you found and that it indicates that he lies to you. And when you ask about it or show reservations he gets mean. Forgiving does not mean forgetting and since he dopidnt come clean with the whole picture you didnt forgive the whike thing. Who cares if he says you don't trust him, you don't. Don't move in with him, yet. These are RED FLAGS. But you know that...right? I'm no where near moving in. Don't know if I'm overreacting since he didnt use them. That I know of.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 I'm no where near moving in. Don't know if I'm overreacting since he didnt use them. That I know of. No, you are not overreacting. Let me ask YOU a question. Since you have been in a relationship, have YOU created online dating profiles? No? Because you are in a committed relationship, right? It's not cool...intent was there. 1
Author cottoncandy3 Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 No, you are not overreacting. Let me ask YOU a question. Since you have been in a relationship, have YOU created online dating profiles? No? Because you are in a committed relationship, right? It's not cool...intent was there. Not even close
Spark1111 Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 But you DON'T TRUST HIM, and you should tell him so. If he reacts angrily, then he's a child and emotionally very immature. I've been depressed and at times, drunk outta my shoes..... I never thought that was a good time to open an account on online dating sites or trawl the waters for my partner's replacement. Have you? So at the very worst, he lied to you....then came up with stupid excuses...then got angry at you for bringing it up. What ELSE is he doing long distance that you may be totally unaware of? Stay put and maybe see other people too. 1
Mr. Lucky Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 I've been depressed and at times, drunk outta my shoes..... I never thought that was a good time to open an account on online dating sites or trawl the waters for my partner's replacement. Have you? Agreed. When high I've been guilty of excessive brownie preparation but never dating site abuse. He denied it for a week until admitting that he made it when he was high (didnt know he was smoking). Has it dawned on you that you don't really know this person? Mr. Lucky 2
CarrieT Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 I decided to do my own search to see if there were any more. Simply googled his email and there was. Two profiles. I don't know how to proceed. It doesn't look like he really used these either though. What makes you think he didn't use those profiles? He created them, didn't he? Which means he has lied to you -- multiple times. If I end it and explain why, he's going to resort to name calling like last time. Saying I'm a creep, that I don't trust him. Well, you don't trust him - and it seems rightfully so. And what is this about being high? Lastly, if you end it, why are you concerned about name-calling? That is the least of your worries here. You aren't a creep, you are being cautious - and rightfully so, it seems. You had doubts and your doubts were confirmed. I think you dodged a bullet...
Author cottoncandy3 Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 What makes you think he didn't use those profiles? He created them, didn't he? Which means he has lied to you -- multiple times. Well, you don't trust him - and it seems rightfully so. And what is this about being high? Lastly, if you end it, why are you concerned about name-calling? That is the least of your worries here. You aren't a creep, you are being cautious - and rightfully so, it seems. You had doubts and your doubts were confirmed. I think you dodged a bullet... Well, one of the sites (the one he admitted) doesn't allow you to delete messages sent or received. But doesn't explain the others. I just don't want to talk to him. 1
zoobadger Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 I'm skeptical that the site doesn't let you delete messages or your profile. Even if there's no delete button you can always email the support or help address and tell them you want your profile removed.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Agreed. When high I've been guilty of excessive brownie preparation but never dating site abuse. Mr. Lucky This is an appropriate reaction to getting high. If he told you he had discovered caramel salted brownies after his last party, you can forgive and forget. Creating multiple Hookup /spdating sites....."we got a problem Lucy!" 5
CarrieT Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 If he told you he had discovered caramel salted brownies after his last party, you can forgive and forget. Dang, now I wanted caramel salted brownies! 3
Betterthanthis13 Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Dang, now I wanted caramel salted brownies! Dang, now I want to know what it feels like to get high and eat caramel salted brownies! 2
Betterthanthis13 Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Well, one of the sites (the one he admitted) doesn't allow you to delete messages sent or received. But doesn't explain the others. I just don't want to talk to him. Not wanting to talk to him is good I think, unless you are able to make excuses for him in your own head. Are you prone to doing things like that? Letting things "cool off" a few days and then once you aren't as mad, just letting it go, kinda sorta, and start hanging out again?
Mr. Lucky Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Letting things "cool off" a few days and then once you aren't as mad, just letting it go, kinda sorta, and start hanging out again? Do you mean hanging out with him ??? The guy that lied to her and created multiple dating site profiles in search of her replacement ??? Mr. Lucky
Betterthanthis13 Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Do you mean hanging out with him ??? The guy that lied to her and created multiple dating site profiles in search of her replacement ??? Mr. Lucky I'm asking her if this is something she would typically do. Not talk to him for a little while to cool off, not address the problem, and resume the relationship. I am definitely not suggesting she do this. Did you read my whole post?
Author cottoncandy3 Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 I'm asking her if this is something she would typically do. Not talk to him for a little while to cool off, not address the problem, and resume the relationship. I am definitely not suggesting she do this. Did you read my whole post? No. It's a LDR first off. Secondly, if I don't talk I just get more mad. Which I need to let sit so I can do this effectively.
Author cottoncandy3 Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 I'm skeptical that the site doesn't let you delete messages or your profile. Even if there's no delete button you can always email the support or help address and tell them you want your profile removed. You can. You can't delete messages. So if he did send or receive any, they would be there.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 You can. You can't delete messages. So if he did send or receive any, they would be there. I am going to call bull pucky on the message delete. Bad for online business to keep that much storage. Just sayin 2
Betterthanthis13 Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 No. It's a LDR first off. Secondly, if I don't talk I just get more mad. Which I need to let sit so I can do this effectively. Ooh. I like that. Strategize away. I misunderstood then. What do you ultimately want to see happen?
Author cottoncandy3 Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 I am going to call bull pucky on the message delete. Bad for online business to keep that much storage. Just sayin Try it - Hardsugar.com Tasteful, I know.
Author cottoncandy3 Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 Ooh. I like that. Strategize away. I misunderstood then. What do you ultimately want to see happen? I want to end things in a manner that shuts him down. Like he literally can't say a word, can't lie, can't make up excuses, can't blame. Literally says "okay" or nothing.
aussietigerwolf Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 on the one I met my bf profiles can't be permanently deleted but... then can be deactivated and won't show up on search... so if he's showing up on the site then the profile is active.
Author cottoncandy3 Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 on the one I met my bf profiles can't be permanently deleted but... then can be deactivated and won't show up on search... so if he's showing up on the site then the profile is active. That one isn't active. Last login was before we discussed. The new ones doesn't have a last login date and doesn't provide much info. You connect through Facebook (badoo).
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