jncapital1 Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 You can check out my story on my other threads. Briefly, I was with a great girl, it was going great,she sort of faded away, then she came back, we had a few dates that went well, a drunken fight and she said that's all folks. I still want her and believe that at some point in the future we will have a real shot. I used NC before and plan to now but her birthday is next week so I'm thinking of getting her a present. The present is nothing big (it's a coffee mug she will love for a certain reason) but I think it will keep me in her mind whenever she uses it. Plan B is to go NC for 60-90 days while I work on my own "things". So, send the gift or just fade away for now?
Author jncapital1 Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 wow, so you don't believe in second chances?
Zahara Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 wow, so you don't believe in second chances? She dumped you. It isn't up to you to determine whether a second chance is possible. She needs to open that door first and then you need to decide if she deserves a second chance when that door is opened. Get it?
Author jncapital1 Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 Thanks for the input. It is good advice. Still,it seems everyone on this site always seems so unequivocal that the only way to get back with the dumper is through no contact. I get the reasons for no contact initially and I get that you can't make someone love you but I am also aware of instances where pursuit has brought someone back successfully (meaning long-term relationship. There are so many factors that go into relationships, actually there are so many relationships period that there are no hard and fast rules. I think everyone should do what is best for them. that being said, I know I should let her go
Zahara Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Thanks for the input. It is good advice. Still,it seems everyone on this site always seems so unequivocal that the only way to get back with the dumper is through no contact. I get the reasons for no contact initially and I get that you can't make someone love you but I am also aware of instances where pursuit has brought someone back successfully (meaning long-term relationship. There are so many factors that go into relationships, actually there are so many relationships period that there are no hard and fast rules. I think everyone should do what is best for them. that being said, I know I should let her go Sure, there are rare exceptions to the rule, type of break-up, mutual desire to rekindle, etc., but in your case and in most cases whereby the person has dumped you and moved on, it would be best to let go. There is no need for pursuit. If someone wants you back, you'll know.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Thanks for the input. It is good advice. Still,it seems everyone on this site always seems so unequivocal that the only way to get back with the dumper is through no contact. I get the reasons for no contact initially and I get that you can't make someone love you but I am also aware of instances where pursuit has brought someone back successfully (meaning long-term relationship. There are so many factors that go into relationships, actually there are so many relationships period that there are no hard and fast rules. I think everyone should do what is best for them. that being said, I know I should let her go It's way too early for a "pursuit". You aren't ready and neither is she. And a gift is a horrible idea. You are broken up -- it's time to start accepting that and acting like it. 1
CarrieT Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 And a gift is a horrible idea. This is the critical point. Yes, many of us believe in second chances -- but when/if that happens, it is to be taken slowly, through communication; NOT through "buying" one's way back into someone's life with gifts. Gifts are given amongst friends and right now, you two aren't even that. You are not together. If she decide to contact you and reinstigate contact, even then you don't give gifts because, at that point, you will be in the new-bridge building part of re-establishing a new relationship. Only when/if you agree the pain and anger and fights are behind you do gifts become germane. 1
Author jncapital1 Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 CarrieT, excellent advice. I will not send her a present for her birthday and I will focus on letting go. My plan is to wait several months, work on myself and if I find that I still having feelings for her at that time, contact her to see if we can meet for a drink and see what happens. I do believe that we have the potential for a great relationship but it takes two to tango...
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