alanafaber Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Please can people help me figure out if I am overreacting? I will try to write this as objectively as possible. Met a guy a couple of months ago. We had both recently come out of long term relationships. First month was amazing, really heady and I fell for him. He said he felt the same. If anything it was more driven by him, constantly saying he couldn't stop thinking about me, how beautiful and amazing I was etc. etc. and how he was scared of getting hurt worrying I might not want another relationship. Then after a little drama with his ex gf's friends. He completely backs off. Says it's too soon for him to be with anyone else. I try to be understanding and we agree to stop seeing each other. He says he still likes me and doesn't know if he wants me to move on or not. Basically we keep in contact. I text him when drunk to try and hook up and he normally turns me down saying he doesn't want to use me. This weekend, he does want to use me. He comes over Friday night and we have sex and in the morning. Then Sunday night again and again Monday morning. The next day (Tuesday) is my birthday and I am going out. He has been off with me since leaving mine but then apologises. I ask him if he's out on Tuesday night and he says he's going for dinner with a friend (who I know) and then a few drinks with another friend in a bar. I don't even wonder if it's a date as he had literally said on Friday (when id asked him) that he wouldn't be seeing anyone as that wasn't what he wanted. So I turn up at the bar. And he is on a date. I go over to ask if we can have a word and we go off. I get upset. His date leaves. I cry. It's horrible. I've caused a scene and I know it. Today he is super pissed off with me. Acting like I'm crazy. Am I crazy? I was drunk, it was my bday and I was super upset as we had literally had sex the day before and now he's out with someone else the next night! He says he hasn't done anything wrong as we were not together and both knew it was just sex. What gets me most is why does she get taken out for drinks and I just get nothing? She wasn't even pretty and just looked quite cheap. I do not feel great about myself but I do get told I am beautiful a lot. I think I am really nice too. Did I overreact? Am I crazy? I feel heartbroken
Philosoraptor Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Well seems like he was rebounding and once the honeymoon period ended he had to face the facts. He's now dating around and you're allowing yourself to stay on the hook while he's seeing other people. You made a scene, who cares at this point? Yes, you overreacted. Not because you were hurt, but because you're wasting your time with someone who is clearly not interested in a relationship. Do yourself a favor and get away from this person. 4
Zahara Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 What gets me most is why does she get taken out for drinks and I just get nothing? She wasn't even pretty and just looked quite cheap. I do not feel great about myself but I do get told I am beautiful a lot. I think I am really nice too. Did I overreact? Am I crazy? I feel heartbroken Yes, you overreacted. And understandably so, because you were hurt but in his mind you had nothing be hurt about because it was just sex. You consented to it even when he kept telling you he never wanted to use you. That was a sign from him that it would be "just sex". Don't use the sex card to hopefully change a man's mind into wanting you. It never works. Some guys will do whatever it takes to get a girl to come their way so taking a girl out for drinks isn't any indication that she's more special. 2
CarrieT Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 You didn't "get nothing." You got booty calls which is exactly what YOU asked for that is what he sees you as now. Then you go and get drunk and cause a scene. How desirable does that make you now? Move on and don't contact the guy - I'm pretty sure he won't want to hear from you anyway... 1
Tinkerbelll Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Well, I don' t want t be too harsh on you because I think that many of us have been in that situation before. I rembember many, many years ago, spotting my ex boyfriend with someone else in a club: it ended with me completely drunk in the parking with a friend trying to hold me while I was kicking the cabrio of my ex. It seems funny, and actually now it is somehow, BUT I still feel really embarassed when I think about that. Nobody likes drama, that' s the truth. Now, considering your situation: he told you clearly that you are just sex for him. So what? Men like haunting, and you are giving yourself for free anytime he wants it, why should him take you out for dinner? What advice are you asking for, it was your birthday and he was out with someone else. I cannot see love here, nor even respect. About the other girl, probably it's like you said, not that gorgeus like you, but maybe she is giving more value to herself and playing better her cards. Again, men usually like haunting and chasing, not things for free whenever they want. Go immediately NC and move on, if there is still a chance between you two, time will tell.
Keenly Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 So you are not exclusive, he backs off, you asked on multiple occasions for him to come have sex with you. He finally does? You got what you wanted? And then you ruin his date ? I'd be kind of mad too. I understand your feelings and all, but you agreed to this. He didn't do snyhinf wrong here. You don't get to use sex as some kind of pair of handcuffs or a tool of control. He is a single man.
Eddie Edirol Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Your problem is you believed everything he said after he broke it off with you, which you are never supposed to do. for some reason other than what he said, he wasnt interested in you anymore, tried to break it off gently with you, which backfired and you stayed on the hook and made a fool out of yourself because of it. Its kinda understandable since you believed him, but from this point on, my advise is this: if you get dumped, dont believe anything that your dumper tells you. if they say they want to move on from you, assume that its to move on to someone else, even if they tell you different. That way when you see him with someone else the next day, you'll never be surprised. That usually turns out to be the truth. because people can never tell you straight up why they lost attraction to you, and they wont tell you they want to date someone else.
Recommended Posts