movingon45 Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Very well said I could print this! I remember the awful days of trying to seem like I wasn't desperate, but worried about every single thing that I did and how he would read into it. Its quite frankly and horrible way to live girl!! This is what these relationships do to ppl, they will take once very strong women and turn them into a person who acts like a 14 year old wearing braces, chasing the star football player who paid us a little attention one night at a party. First thing you need to do, is take a step back and breath. And I don't mean a second breathe, I mean a good step back. Right out everything you just said in your post. Something like this: Me: Worried that I hurt his feelings or he will think I am mad Him: Hasn't stressed any concern or worry Me: emailed him asking him for a night in September (ie reaching out to him, showing him attention) Him: didn't respond, no email back. Etc, etc, etc Then look at it as you were looking at a power presentation for work. This will help take out the emotions to a point. Once you look at this, you can judge for yourself if you in fact look desperate. Or if he in fact doesn't seem to be concerned with you at this time. Also, think about it if this was a friend telling you this same story... what would you say??? I know why you are here, I totally get it. I came here for the same reasons. To find comfort and support... however, the comfort and support you are looking for (which btw was the same kind I was looking for) are in the words of "I'm sure he is thinking of you", "I'm sure you didn't mess up", etc. However, when we get on here, we quickly learn that we are probably not going to get that, and really just get the truth of what ppl think about your situation. Sure, there are the extremist that will say he never loved you, and on and on. But, even the truth from the ppl (such as myself) hurts deeply, because its not the answer we want to hear. The fact of the matter is, I think down deep you know the answer. I think down deep you know if you look desperate, and why he is going NC. If you want the truth from me and how I see this, I think you do look/seem desperate. Why? Because you are. Aren't you? I also think he is NC because like someone else said, either his wife has found out, or he is not really getting separated. I think you know what your place is in his life, or there would not have been an offer of a "sexy night" or whatever you called it. Offering a night together a month or so down the road, is not a loving relationship. But, like I said I think you know all of this. And please know, I do not mean this from any place of trying to be mean, I am telling you this from someone who has been in your situation. My suggestion to you... think about you, and stop thinking about him. Someone has to think about you, and its pretty darn clear he isn't concerned with how you feel. Go get some counseling, and learn how to love yourself sister. Because it is one thing I know, this isn't loving yourself. On his end, the one thing I learned about my Xmm of 10 years... I do know he loved me, but never the less, he is still selfish. And in that, although he loved me as much as he could, his selfishness made it were he could not provide me what I needed. And although I still to this day love him and care for him, I know that him being that selfish to do the things just like your MM is doing to you, was nothing but a toxic relationship for me. And one that for my physical and mental health, can not go back to. Please love yourself. That is the most important thing. Whats the RuPaul saying "if you can't love yourself, how in the hell can you love anyone else".... hang in there. Keep us posted
solostand Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 This kind of activity is crazy-making, I know it first hand because I am (have been) crazy. For example, my MM would call me every single morning at the same time. If he didn't call me, I would always call him on his cell. One day, when he didn't call me, I called his cell and it was turned off. I went NUTS!!! I imagined he was dead, that he was dumping me, that he had been caught, all kinds of insanity. So what did I do? I called his HOME PHONE. TWICE. When his wife answered I hung up. I was enraged. HOW DARE HE NOT CALL ME? HOW DARE HE TURN HIS CELL PHONE OFF? That is insane behaviour. He would see that I called his home phone and think (surely) that I was needy and insane (which I was). He never mentioned it, but I know it switched the power in our relationship right over to him. This morning, my cell phone is turned off. So if he calls, I won't even know it. Not sure how long I'll last, but I feel stronger. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 I'd guess, he either found a new OW or decided to stay married. I was thinking the same thing...Hope OP feels better..Its no fun..As far as being ignored, look at it this way. I personally would rather be ignored than friendzoned. Its much easier and quicker to get over someone that way. Friendzoning is just a slower and more painful process of achieving the same end result. TFY 1
Author Oneforme33 Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 So I got an email yesterday. A long one that sounded sincere and reasonable based on the separation and trauma involved in moving out and not having his child full time. Not sure what I will do..
Hazyhead Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 So I got an email yesterday. A long one that sounded sincere and reasonable based on the separation and trauma involved in moving out and not having his child full time. Not sure what I will do.. Is he still in his marriage then? Did he move out? It sounds like he wants to reignite the A, but it will be no more than that.
2sunny Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 So I got an email yesterday. A long one that sounded sincere and reasonable based on the separation and trauma involved in moving out and not having his child full time. Not sure what I will do.. I can't see any reason to step back into HIS drama filled life. Did you respond? Did he even ask you a question? Did he state exactly what he needed from you? The only thing I can see IF you respond(ed) is to invite in a ton of negative energy...
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