packersgirl Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 Ok, here's my situation... Theres this guy I like, well, I'm kinda getting over him (or at least I just tell myself that). I've liked him since about the end of April.. so a little over six months. Anyway, I told a few friends, and they all were pushing for us to get together, saying that we make the perfect match because we compliment each other so well. I never told him. A long time ago I told myself that I wouldn't pursue any more men, that I'd let them come to me. So, holding by my word to myself, I waited. And waited, and waited.... and here I am today, not waiting as much though. Turns out he's known since about August. Funny, because everyone that knows swears that they didn't tell him, and I know I didn't. But whatever. The kicker of this whole situation is the fact that he's telling his cousin (one of my best friends) how much he wants to be my friend, and how much he cares about our friendship and me. Yet, when I try to hang out with him, it always falls through, and he knew about my feelings for him for nearly two months and never once said anything to me! Personally, if a friend of mine had a crush on me, I'd take them aside and tell them I knew but didn't want anything more but that I still wanted to have a friendship with that person... wouldn't you? I was furious when I found all this out Wednesday night, I was upset to the point of tears. Who calls themself a friend then allows me to continue with my feelings, knowing that they're probably growing stronger? Then I started thinking... he's an amazing guy, very outspoken and outgoing, yet surprisingly shy when it comes to girls. I was told that he was trying to "protect" me from getting hurt, but why would any guy go through to trouble of guarding my heart if he didn't feel anything for me at all? I've been told so many different things by so many different people, I honestly don't know what to think anymore. All I know is that I have to talk to him, I just don't know if I'm ready to do that yet. What do you think? I am so lost in confusion right now
Naive Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 First of all let me say, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? Originally posted by packersgirl Ok, here's my situation... I was furious when I found all this out Wednesday night, I was upset to the point of tears. Who calls themself a friend then allows me to continue with my feelings, knowing that they're probably growing stronger? Then I started thinking... he's an amazing guy, very outspoken and outgoing, yet surprisingly shy when it comes to girls. I was told that he was trying to "protect" me from getting hurt, but why would any guy go through to trouble of guarding my heart if he didn't feel anything for me at all? I've been told so many different things by so many different people, I honestly don't know what to think anymore. All I know is that I have to talk to him, I just don't know if I'm ready to do that yet. What do you think? I am so lost in confusion right now Maybe because he is shy it was hard for him to talk to you about this matter. If he did not mention it to protect you I say you believe it. I mean he is your friend, right? Maybe he does not feel anything for you as a boyfriend and girlfriend feeling, but I am sure he cares for you in since you two are friends. Talk to him. No problem can be solved without communication!
Merin Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 I would NEVER take a friend who I THOUGHT had a crush on me to the side and tell them that I knew they had a romantic interest in me but that I wasn't all about it, then finish it up with hope we can still be friends.. I wouldn't want that done to me..
Author packersgirl Posted November 6, 2004 Author Posted November 6, 2004 I would NEVER take a friend who I THOUGHT had a crush on me to the side and tell them that I knew they had a romantic interest in me but that I wasn't all about it, then finish it up with hope we can still be friends.. Really? Thats interesting. I guess I always figure that if I have a strong enough friendship with a person its best to be honest with them. I know I'd rather someone say "Look I know what you're feeling, but I think its best if we just keep things the way they are"... only so feelings don't continue to develop and the friendship still remains with a continuous honest foundation. If they're a friend first and foremost then the friendship should be the most important thing. Maybe because he is shy it was hard for him to talk to you about this matter. If he did not mention it to protect you I say you believe it. I mean he is your friend, right? Maybe he does not feel anything for you as a boyfriend and girlfriend feeling, but I am sure he cares for you in since you two are friends. Talk to him. No problem can be solved without communication! Of course you're right! Nothing can be solved without talking! Plus I do think he was trying to protect me, he's a decent guy like that. Thanks for you're input!! Oh! And as to where I've been? Not keeping up with the latest gossip apparently.
Author packersgirl Posted November 6, 2004 Author Posted November 6, 2004 This is what I love most about this place... so many different opinions!!!
Odradek Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 Right. But what if what you "thought" you knew isn't actually true and you just jumped to conclusions. Then you made a fool of yourself, and probably offended a good friend. Even if it IS true, they might feel threatened and go into denial, which does not make for a pretty picture. You'd have to be pretty dumb (no offense) to do something like that. Im sorry to be so blunt, but if he knows and hasn't made a move yet, it's probably because he's not interested. And, being a guy, I honestly think he's doing his best to protect your feelings (unattained love is a more bening feeling than rejection is).
Merin Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 Originally posted by Odradek Right. But what if what you "thought" you knew isn't actually true and you just jumped to conclusions. Then you made a fool of yourself, and probably offended a good friend. Even if it IS true, they might feel threatened and go into denial, which does not make for a pretty picture. That is exactly why I wouldn't do it.
Curt Posted November 6, 2004 Moderators Posted November 6, 2004 Both are understandable points of view. Just the same, again, this guy is a good friend. Perhaps the topic can be broached more cautiously ... if you're directly honest, but sensitive to what his feelings might be, I can't honestly see why this can't be solved. You are still good friends. No, you probably shouldn't go up to him and say it directly ... but you could certainly ask how he feels about the relationship you both have, and wonder (even in a lighthearted fashion) if maybe he would be open to exploring taking your relationship to a higher level. I mean, these things (like most situations in life) can be approached in a sensitive, yet deliberate manner. The alternative is for both to perhaps be wondering (or wanting more) and both at a stalemate as to who should approach the "greater than friends" issue. Afterall, we all know the old "might ruin the friendship" idea. Comeon folks...let's think outside the box here. Curt
Merin Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 Originally posted by Curt Both are understandable points of view. Just the same, again, this guy is a good friend. Perhaps the topic can be broached more cautiously ... if you're directly honest, but sensitive to what his feelings might be, I can't honestly see why this can't be solved. You are still good friends. No, you probably shouldn't go up to him and say it directly ... but you could certainly ask how he feels about the relationship you both have, and wonder (even in a lighthearted fashion) if maybe he would be open to exploring taking your relationship to a higher level. I mean, these things (like most situations in life) can be approached in a sensitive, yet deliberate manner. The alternative is for both to perhaps be wondering (or wanting more) and both at a stalemate as to who should approach the "greater than friends" issue. Afterall, we all know the old "might ruin the friendship" idea. Comeon folks...let's think outside the box here. Curt I wasn't saying that IF I had an interest in my Friend that I WOULDN'T talk to them about the possibility of more than a friendship.. I'm saying that IF I THOUGHT a Friend of mine had a romantic interest in me and I DIDN'T feel the same way I WOULDN'T take that friend aside and start telling them how I KNOW they are interested in me as more than a Friend and how I wasn't all about it but hoped we could still be friends. It was my impression from what Packersgirl has said that SHE is interested in her guy friend as more than that.. she hasn't let him know how she feels.. but believes that he knows of her interest in him.. from what I can understand he isn't interested in more than friendship with her, and she was saying she wonders why IF he isn't interested in persuing more than a friendship with her why since he knows she is he doesn't take her aside and tell her straight up he doesn't want more than friends... Maybe I'm wrong but thats what I got from it.
Curt Posted November 6, 2004 Moderators Posted November 6, 2004 Yep, and what I meant was sorta the reverse of what I wrote. Sometimes the brain gets scrambled All I'm saying is that if he knows she does feel this way, or if she thinks he knows the way she feels, either one or the other should be able to broach the topic reasonably, as friends. Apologies for the confusion on the semantics behind what I said. A moderator shall have to clean up my logic I suppose. Curt
Author packersgirl Posted November 6, 2004 Author Posted November 6, 2004 Right. But what if what you "thought" you knew isn't actually true and you just jumped to conclusions. Then you made a fool of yourself, and probably offended a good friend. Even if it IS true, they might feel threatened and go into denial, which does not make for a pretty picture. You'd have to be pretty dumb (no offense) to do something like that. Im sorry to be so blunt, but if he knows and hasn't made a move yet, it's probably because he's not interested. And, being a guy, I honestly think he's doing his best to protect your feelings (unattained love is a more bening feeling than rejection is). Don't be sorry... being blunt is just fine! I guess the only reason that I'm thinking the way I'm thinking is because that's what usually happens with me... but I end up telling the guy and he lets me down, I don't have the best luck with men. There was this guy once who came up to me to "let me down" and I looked at him and just started laughing. He asked me why I was laughing and I told him that I wasn't interested in him like that and we had an interesting conversation after that. I'm sure he felt like an idiot, so I definentaly see where you're coming from! No worries, I KNOW he's not interested. There's just no way. He's known since August, and he would've made a move by now if he was. Even shy guys feel more confident when they know the girl they're interested in likes them back. I think the best part is that I'm completely ok with all this. Sure, Wednesday night I was hacked, but since then I've done a whole lot of thinking. I think I've become more worried about our friendship than anything else, and I'm almost wondering if the feelings I had for him were just hanging around because I didn't have any closure.
Author packersgirl Posted November 17, 2004 Author Posted November 17, 2004 Just a little update for those of you involved in this post... The first time I saw him after I found out, it was like that Friends episode was playing in my head . I kept thinking, "Does he know that I know he knows?" I was so afraid to even say hi to him! About ten minutes later, I got over myself and started talking. It was one of the best days I have had with him in the longest time!! I guess I just realized that I have nothing to hide from him anymore. I mean my he knows about my feelings for him (though we have yet to talk about that) and keeping that from him has been a burden on my shoulders for a while now. These past two weeks have been great, except for the fact that he's now sending mixed signals my way. But nonetheless, I'm just focusing on being his friend.
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