jerryh Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 just wanted to start a thread about some success stories of no contact. It can be anything from you moving on and being happy being single, maybe finding someone else or even your ex wanting you back? I had been in 3 weeks no contact which was ruin when i saw her and she text me then for a while which has set me back, so would like to see some success stories of NC, where you became happier again? How long it took?
aspiringuitarheroine Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Gone NC on all of my exes, eventually got over it, always met someone knew. There is no time limit. Everyone is different.
SmithJ Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 I went NC on my ex after he broke up with me. He would text me irrelevant things about his day and I didn't need to reply to them so I didn't. If he asked me how I was I would reply a couple of hours later being polite, saying I was busy and would speak to him soon. Six weeks after he split up with me he text me saying how much he loves me, misses me, cant imagine being with anyone else and can we meet up. My heart fluttered and we met up on Saturday, got drunk, slept together then on Sunday after he left he sent me a big message about how we cant be together but I'm perfect and it's just the distance. I texted him 3 times but he hasn't replied and I feel used and pretty much disgusting and disappointed in myself. So I thought NC made my ex come back but it didn't, it made him curious to see if he could have me again..which he could. I wish I had not let him back in but I did and now I'm back on day 2 NC. Just be careful what you're using NC for because you don't want your ex coming back to hurt you again as mine has done. Learn from my mistakes! Use NC to heal yourself which Is what I'm doing now. Hope it works out for you, I'm sure it will. 1
Author jerryh Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 Gone NC on all of my exes, eventually got over it, always met someone knew. There is no time limit. Everyone is different. Glad it worked out for you, iut really does make a huge difference. i thought three weeks in and I was ok, how wrong I was I went NC on my ex after he broke up with me. He would text me irrelevant things about his day and I didn't need to reply to them so I didn't. If he asked me how I was I would reply a couple of hours later being polite, saying I was busy and would speak to him soon. Six weeks after he split up with me he text me saying how much he loves me, misses me, cant imagine being with anyone else and can we meet up. My heart fluttered and we met up on Saturday, got drunk, slept together then on Sunday after he left he sent me a big message about how we cant be together but I'm perfect and it's just the distance. I texted him 3 times but he hasn't replied and I feel used and pretty much disgusting and disappointed in myself. So I thought NC made my ex come back but it didn't, it made him curious to see if he could have me again..which he could. I wish I had not let him back in but I did and now I'm back on day 2 NC. Just be careful what you're using NC for because you don't want your ex coming back to hurt you again as mine has done. Learn from my mistakes! Use NC to heal yourself which Is what I'm doing now. Hope it works out for you, I'm sure it will. Yes i get you, i got all that too but i refused to meet, and the next day she was sorry and didnt mean what she said. They like knowing they have a backup plan. I was using NC at the start to get her back but now i am using it to get over her and meet someone else.
SmithJ Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Jerry, I was the same at first, I was using it to get him back but then he sent me a message just saying 'I want you to move on' and for me that was the final straw, it hurt a lot so I decided I would and went NC for myself, this is when he would send messages like 'you've obviously moved on' and 'I miss you' and I'd just ignore them then I was stupid and let him come to my apartment. I've been used and that has made me feel like he's not worth it and to go NC for myself. I've seen how cruel he can be and it really isn't attractive, it's nice to believe that everything happens for a reason and there is a plan mapped out for you. Just believe that. Your ex came into your life as a lesson and showed you that you can love whole heartedly and you can also pick yourself back up again, she was just practice for when the woman you're actually meant to be with comes along.
Author jerryh Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 Jerry, I was the same at first, I was using it to get him back but then he sent me a message just saying 'I want you to move on' and for me that was the final straw, it hurt a lot so I decided I would and went NC for myself, this is when he would send messages like 'you've obviously moved on' and 'I miss you' and I'd just ignore them then I was stupid and let him come to my apartment. I've been used and that has made me feel like he's not worth it and to go NC for myself. I've seen how cruel he can be and it really isn't attractive, it's nice to believe that everything happens for a reason and there is a plan mapped out for you. Just believe that. Your ex came into your life as a lesson and showed you that you can love whole heartedly and you can also pick yourself back up again, she was just practice for when the woman you're actually meant to be with comes along. Yup i think at the early stages first month or so, we are all desperate for another chance and would do anything but after time and space realize you dont want it. Yup i believe everything happens for a reason too and im very sorry to hear about how your ex treated you. How long was it since the breakup? yup my ex is using me for an ego boost i think and maybe from a guilty conscience. I have met someone else kind of but i want to heal before anything happens, so thats why i wanted to see how long it would take to be over someone?
SmithJ Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 It's been 2 months for me, at first it was really hard but then it got easier, I was going to the gym a lot, reading, seeing family and friends and I would think about him but it wasn't like 'I must get him back' it was more of a 'it's sad that happened but there's no way we could have stayed together' but then I let him back in and although I'm not right back at square one I'm not back where I was before I responded to his messages in the false hope we'd get back. I know we wont get back now because of the way he's treated me this past week. If I let him back in he'll keep hurting me and I cant do that. I don't know how long it takes, its very subjective. I was with my first love for almost 5 years but we outgrew each other and wanted different things so I broke up with him. I've regretted that a lot over the past years, that was when I was 19 so it was 4 years ago and I still think of him, mainly because he was so sweet and caring it was just at the wrong time in our lives. BUT saying that, I did get over him, occasionally I would cry about him and miss him but he's happy in a new relationship now with the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and he's happy which makes me happy. There is a point that you get to and I'm sure I'll reach that with my current ex, although I probably wont look back with the fondness I do of my first love.
Author jerryh Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 It's been 2 months for me, at first it was really hard but then it got easier, I was going to the gym a lot, reading, seeing family and friends and I would think about him but it wasn't like 'I must get him back' it was more of a 'it's sad that happened but there's no way we could have stayed together' but then I let him back in and although I'm not right back at square one I'm not back where I was before I responded to his messages in the false hope we'd get back. I know we wont get back now because of the way he's treated me this past week. If I let him back in he'll keep hurting me and I cant do that. I don't know how long it takes, its very subjective. I was with my first love for almost 5 years but we outgrew each other and wanted different things so I broke up with him. I've regretted that a lot over the past years, that was when I was 19 so it was 4 years ago and I still think of him, mainly because he was so sweet and caring it was just at the wrong time in our lives. BUT saying that, I did get over him, occasionally I would cry about him and miss him but he's happy in a new relationship now with the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and he's happy which makes me happy. There is a point that you get to and I'm sure I'll reach that with my current ex, although I probably wont look back with the fondness I do of my first love. Same stage as you so, i just dont get why they try to come back when they left? what does that achieve? if they need an ego boost surely a new random person is better than the safe bet that is the ex? Im kind of in the situation of your first relationship, first loves and i still hold a very high opinion of him, why did you dump him? lack of love? spark fading? i feel everyone seems to say the 6 month mark is the magic number, but maybe no harm in someone new.
SmithJ Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 I Don't know why the come back, they are people like us too and they probably have weak moments where they think they might want us back but then remember why they left. I'm not sticking up for the ex's but ending an important relationship is hard for everyone but they stick by their decision as they left for a reason so they question themselves that they've made the right choice and 99% of the time it is the right choice, you just need to look after yourself as you cant rely on someone elses inconsistency. I broke up with first love because I wanted to go out and do things, I was going away to Uni and wanted to have fun and I thought he was boring and not very romantic/exciting. He was the first person I slept with and I suppose I wanted to see other people and experience different things. He'll always have a special place in my heart and he took good care of me but sometimes you just want to be single for yourself. I did regret it a lot but when I tried to get in touch he (understandably) ignored it and I just had to accept that. It is really hard but you are still alive and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!
Author jerryh Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 I Don't know why the come back, they are people like us too and they probably have weak moments where they think they might want us back but then remember why they left. I'm not sticking up for the ex's but ending an important relationship is hard for everyone but they stick by their decision as they left for a reason so they question themselves that they've made the right choice and 99% of the time it is the right choice, you just need to look after yourself as you cant rely on someone elses inconsistency. I broke up with first love because I wanted to go out and do things, I was going away to Uni and wanted to have fun and I thought he was boring and not very romantic/exciting. He was the first person I slept with and I suppose I wanted to see other people and experience different things. He'll always have a special place in my heart and he took good care of me but sometimes you just want to be single for yourself. I did regret it a lot but when I tried to get in touch he (understandably) ignored it and I just had to accept that. It is really hard but you are still alive and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger! Yes i suppose they like the comfort and security of something they used to know. Yup i agree they are just like us but just made the decision to end it, doesnt mean it doesnt affect them but they should leave us alone if they never want to get back, its cruel and somewhat manipulative. Ah I see many friends including myself dumped for similar reasons as your first love. How long did it take you to realize or was it the fact he met someone else? And yes definitely we need these experiences to make us stronger so we can become betetr people, we are all in this together.
SmithJ Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Yeah so if your ex get in touch just tell her that you're not interested in speaking to her unless she wants to get back together, that'll make her go away. It was probably about a year when I started having thoughts about getting back together with him and about 18 months after his friend invited me to a pub and he was there, I hadn't seen him a long time and when I saw him at the pub I downed a drink at the bar and then went over to speak to him and im SO glad I did. He had changed so so much, he'd somehow acquired a posh accent and wanted to talk about politics. I really had no attraction to the guy whatsoever and I'm sure he didn't to me either so I left and went home, didn't even give him a second thought. Time is a strange thing, I'm glad I saw him that night as he might still be on that pedestal now. The truth is that he had grown so far apart and didn't even know each other anymore.
Nyclovin Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Been 3 months NC after 5 years living together and 2weeks of begging after she dumped me.... Hate her just a little more everyday...feels good... 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 3 years RS 1.5 years engaged 6 months BU 5 months NC Now 90% over her. I think this last hurdle is difficult and is taking a while. But I know I will get there. And, I am doing much, much better than I was at the beginning. So, it does get better if you stick to it. Remember, NC is for you to heal, not to get them back. I have used all of the techniques listed on the forum. I think it would have been slightly easier if I had a better support group where I am currently living. I am often bored and lonely as I just don't have many friends to hang with One technique I am using now is practicing 'mindfulness'. I allow myself to think and feel everything, then observe the thoughts and feelings, almost as if from the view from another person, 'the observer'... Don't try to stop it. No judging. No criticism. Just allowing and observing... This allows you to move past the thought or feeling quickly without attaching anything else to it. It just goes away and comes back less and less. 2
Author jerryh Posted August 15, 2013 Author Posted August 15, 2013 Lets all stay in this together, im not hoping for a reconciliation, are any of yee?
Author jerryh Posted August 15, 2013 Author Posted August 15, 2013 Not bloody likely There is much better out there for all of us! 1
Kimmie80 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I am 31 days NC and it still hurts just like it did on day 1. Just waiting for it to get better. I have been doing a lot of self searching, joining forums like these, going to the gym, and trying to better myself. For myself. I blew my relationship because of my stupid low self-esteem. He walked cause he couldnt handle it. He fell for me from day 1. He would text and email me all day long; from 5AM to mindnight and even in the middle of the night when he couldnt sleep. We would meet up twice a week at a beautiful lake park that he referred to as "our park". Within 5 minutes of us leaving, he would text me how good it was to see me, how beautiful I was and how we missed me already. Now, its been the loneliest 31 days of my life I miss everything about him. It feels like everywhere I turn, there are things that remind me of him. I just try now to keep busy and hope that his last words to me will be come true. Which were: "I do forgive, but everything happens for a reason. Im sure our paths will cross again someday". Really hoping that that was not just his way of letting me easily, and that he truly means it. However, I know not to wait in case we never to see each other again. Time heals all wounds, and good things happen to those who wait. That is what I am now living by. 1
volley Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I had a 6 yr realationship with my ex. After week broke up I was a texting and email fool.I stopped because I was pissing him off. Then we went our seprate ways once we each had someone else in our life. After we broke up with them my ex c ontacted me to hang in which we did. He should emotion towards I and I back to him after the a couple weeks went by and I asked him to hang, he said we are still cool friends but he needs his space and nothing personal. So I assume he has another fwb. So I do no contact with him. Its been about 3 weeks. How long should I wait? I love this man so much and I believe he is my soul mate. It just hurts to not speak to him.
Mr.White Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Its been 8 months. No regrets. I have been living life as a young man should! Chasing tail, sipping on a cold one and have the freedom of a beautiful eagle in the sky. Of course it took a while to move on, but on one surreal Saturday morning in March, 3 months after my break up I felt so happy as if I was a school girl and that was the day I flipped the page. I hope whoever is in pain can recover quickly! Keep in mind it may take someone a shorter or longer period of time. There is no window for one to dwell and sulk but one thing I have learned is you HAVE to get OUT of your comfort zone. Live life so when you look back on it you will say "WOW! I can not believe I actually did that!" instead of "WOW! I wished I did that!" Good luck on the journey of Life 2
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