Will my brother ever forgive me for sleeping with his fiancee?

[Cresingdown]

He found out 4 months ago through some messages we would exchanged and because she was acting distant. He obviously send me to hell over the phone and nope, I didn't even wanted to met up with him (I've been hiding from him since). He broke off the engagement too.

 

But thing is I already was overwhelmed with guilt and was the one to break things with her and within the following days, he finds out about our what we did. My mother slapped the hell out of me and other members scolded me harshly (again, I only came home when my brother was working; I'm hiding from him still).

 

I've tried apologizing countless on the phone and online but he send me to hell again. He took me out of facebook. I'm really sorry and regret it. Is there a way I can get him back. My parents have been trying to talk to him. I would do anything to get him back, to gain his trust again. I was stupid. Will we ever talk again like brothers and best friends? I already learned. I won't ever do this to him again.

 

Will someone please help out. Please I beg you no labels no insults, please don't. I already feel like the lowest being of all.

Edited August 14, 2013 by Cresingdown

[Lani]

This is the ultimate betrayal. Give him more time, and maybe he'll forgive you.

The fact you've learned your lesson now means nothing. You still did it to begin with, when he was apparently your best friend.

 

Right now there is nothing you can do.

[Cresingdown]

This is the ultimate betrayal. Give him more time, and maybe he'll forgive you.

The fact you've learned your lesson now means nothing. You still did it to begin with, when he was apparently your best friend.

 

Right now there is nothing you can do.

Thank you for the reply and yes nothing excuses what I did. I hope we get to one day talk again. Do you think it'll get better by next year? I really miss him.

[Lani]

Thank you for the reply and yes nothing excuses what I did. I hope we get to one day talk again. Do you think it'll get better by next year? I really miss him.

 

It will get better whenever he decides to let it.

You don't get to try and put a timeframe on this.

[almond]

You need to give him space and time...a lot of time most likely.

 

This is betrayal of the highest order.

 

He might forgive, but he won't forget. There are consequences to actions, and unfortunately for you, you must accept yours now.

 

Let him be, and cross your fingers.

 

I would take this time to have a good, long, hard look at yourself. Use this time to better yourself as a person, and work through the issues that enabled you to sleep with your brother's fiancee. Genuinely becoming someone who is above such horrible actions is the best way to gain back the respect of your family.

[Trimmer]

I've tried apologizing countless on the phone and online but he send me to hell again. He took me out of facebook. I'm really sorry and regret it. Is there a way I can get him back. My parents have been trying to talk to him. I would do anything to get him back, to gain his trust again. I was stupid. Will we ever talk again like brothers and best friends? I already learned. I won't ever do this to him again.

First of all, you have to realize, as I think someone pointed out, that this isn't about learning your lesson, or being sure you won't do it again. That's such a small part of the picture here, I would suggest that you don't put too much weight on that. (Like if you say to your brother "Look I will NEVER do it again!" he's not likely to be impressed or affected by it. That's not his biggest issue right now.)

 

The other thing to remember is that with what you did, you caused TWO losses in his life. Obviously you destroyed his relationship with his fiancee, but you also destroyed his relationship with you. For as mad as he is at you, and for as much as he doesn't want to have a relationship with you right now, you destroyed the (good?) relationship that you guys had in the past, and that's a loss to him as well.

 

I don't have a lot of functional advice for you. There's no recipe for fixing this - it very much depends on the path he takes (or doesn't) toward the future. It's going to take time, and in the same way that a marriage that survives infidelity is never the same again, even if you do "get back together" it may never be the same again for the two of you either.

Edited August 14, 2013 by Trimmer

[Chi townD]

Well, you crossed a line that should have never been crossed. You damaged him pretty badly because he thought he found the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

 

Just leave him be. You may never get back to where you once were before. But, actions have consequences, you're gonna have to find a way to live with this.

[JDPT]

Clearly this is the ultimate insult and that's just stating the obvious. Stay away from him for a very long time. Give your brother the space he deserves and when he is ready and IF he will ever be ready you will know. As stated, this is something you will have to live with for the rest of your life and hope you learned a very good lesson.

[white]

He won't. You done ****ed up. You'll be explaining this to people in decades to come as to why you don't get invited to family gatherings, or to his wedding, or ever speak. Congratulations. I suspect it wasn't worth it. At least you saved him from the disgusting mess she must be to do such a thing. Perhaps you can console yourself with that thought.

[drifter777]

The only positive you can try to claim out of this mess is that you exposed his fiance for the cheating, back-stabbing bitch she is. Even if your brother doesn't accept this now, he will someday. He probably won't thank you for stabbing him in the back, but he will realize that what you did helped him dodge a major bullet.

 

Nobody can know whether he will ever truly be your brother again. If you were my brother the answer would be a simple "no way, no chance". But that's just me...

[stillafool]

I hope he isn't still planning on marrying her, is he? I think you may have to say goodbye to your brother for good. He certainly can't trust you and that's the foundation of love and family.

[Cresingdown]

I hope he isn't still planning on marrying her, is he?

No, he has sold the ring and got rid of all her stuff that day.

I think you may have to say goodbye to your brother for good. He certainly can't trust you and that's the foundation of love and family.

I hope we can one day talk again, at least as friends. I don't what on earth I was thinking but I'm paying for it now.

 

I know he doesn't want to speak with me at this moment but I couldn't help it and wrote an apology message through his email and ended saying how I wouldn't bother him anymore that I'm there for him when he's ready. I counted 4 apologies within my message and reminded him as all all early years and how I missed him badly, that if I would do anything to gain his trust back.

 

I won't bother him anymore. That was my last message.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, you basically pulled a Fredo and stabbed your brother in the back. He's going to need a long time to forgive you, if ever, and your relationship will never be the same.

[Joaquin]

There is no recovery from this.

 

Best u can hope for is that in the years to come he might eventually be civil to u at family events, if he decides to attend knowing yr there.

 

In addition to breaking yr brothers heart u will also have caused a massive rift in yr family.

[Zahara]

I know he doesn't want to speak with me at this moment but I couldn't help it and wrote an apology message through his email and ended saying how I wouldn't bother him anymore that I'm there for him when he's ready. I counted 4 apologies within my message and reminded him as all all early years and how I missed him badly, that if I would do anything to gain his trust back.

 

I won't bother him anymore. That was my last message.

 

A similar situation happened on my father's side of the family. It's never been the same, 48 years later. You may have your brother back one day but it won't be the same.

 

You have to let him grieve and that means leaving him alone. I understand you need to reconcile to ease your guilt and remorse but this isn't about you. Don't send him anymore messages. Everytime you badger him, you remind him and open that wound up for him again. In some way, it's rather selfish. You just have to live with the repercussions until he's ready.

[lop98]

Begging, apologizing and calculating time till he forgives you is disrespectful and inconsiderate... you didn't shout out bad words for him, you betrayed him but most importantly, you established your .05 value, which is unlikely to go up by showing up continually telling them you're sorry, anyone can say sorry.

 

Want to show how much you care for what HE is going through (not you and your loss- that doesn't matter right now), let him heal to the point he may want to forgive you (not necessarily let you back into his life)?: Go Away. Give him space and a lot of time (5 years, maybe more), go to another place, build a decent life to forgive yourself and to prove it was a mistake and what happened is in the past and not a representation of what you really are.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

It is certainly likely that your relationship will never recover.

 

Are you sure you understand what you did? Because an apology which references the earlier times indicates to me you don't get it. That you aren't really aware of the damage.

 

You are supposed to have your brother's back. Look out for his interests and protect him. Brothers. That is supposed to mean something.

 

Whatever the circumstances, whatever the reasons, he now will believe what makes sense to him...that his fiancé didn't love him, maybe never did, and neither do you. Because how could you set out to hurt someone so much, you couldn't love him. It wasn't by accident so you must have hated him to do it? See what I mean?

 

Would your apology work in the reverse? You need to see the experience from his side....imagine a few years from now...you meet a girl, fall in love, save for a ring, get on blended knee, make plans. And your brother steps in and has sex with her (I am assuming more than once, am I right?) and just keeps on until you catch them...read your apology...does it cover it? Probably not.

 

That kind of betrayal just doesn't go away.

 

So I hope you had a super duper sex that and the memory will last forever because it certainly cost you. And it cost your brother more.

[Cresingdown]

I understand it'll never be the same if he ever forgives me. So many years of trust built and I ruined it all for a stupid sex.

 

Regarding how it got to the point, it all started when we were both drunk one night and declared our feeling for each other. It all started out as a crush I had for her for a while but never though it would lead to what I did. Though, I realized what I was doing and stopped it after a while but it was too late.

 

He received my message and according to my parents, he broke down in tears (it's been many years since the last time he cried) and wouldn't leave his room. I feel his hurt. Would do anything to make it go away and go back in time if that was an option but it ain't.

Edited August 15, 2013 by Cresingdown

[HokeyReligions]

Its done. Let him try to salvage his life. Without you. I had a sister once who hurt me terribly. I have had nothing to do with her and have not seen her in wll over 30 years. I lost her and my nieces and nephews too. They are in their 30s and 40s now. Married with children and grand children. I haven't seen them since they were kids and I practically raised them. I'll never see them again. It took some years to stop grieving and start healing.

 

Your brother lost his love his dream and his brother in a horrible way. You have to live with that.

[bubbaganoosh]

A similar situation happened on my father's side of the family. It's never been the same, 48 years later. You may have your brother back one day but it won't be the same.

 

You have to let him grieve and that means leaving him alone. I understand you need to reconcile to ease your guilt and remorse but this isn't about you. Don't send him anymore messages. Everytime you badger him, you remind him and open that wound up for him again. In some way, it's rather selfish. You just have to live with the repercussions until he's ready.

 

Well friend, you just answered your own question. Similar situation happened on your fathers side of the family and it has not been the same for 48 years. Maybe you should have thought about that before you slept with her. Know what I mean?

[Trimmer]

Well friend, you just answered your own question. Similar situation happened on your fathers side of the family and it has not been the same for 48 years. Maybe you should have thought about that before you slept with her. Know what I mean?

Uh, that wasn't the original poster to whom you were responding.

[Carenth]

Blood runs thicker than water. That also goes for when you betray your family. My mother and her sister had a falling out about 30 years ago and have never spoken since. It's very sad but I very much doubt your brother will ever forgive you or want to talk to you again.

 

There is no way to apoligise or take back what you did.

[crederer]

When I was 16 I had sex with my brothers then long term girlfriend. It was actually my first time. They were together for 4 years or so.

 

I was drunk, young and stupid as hell. I felt guilty for a long time. He threatened to do just about everything you can think of to me. And I would have deserved it.

 

He eventually came around and our relationship went back to normal, for the most part, in about 6 months or a year. I'm sure there is some resentment still in there but he seems normal.

 

The first time we hung out afterward was when he invited me up to his dorm in college. I honestly was a bit worried he'd try to do something like it was a trap, but I think it was him trying to work on our relationship, even though as young men, neither of us had the proper capacity or desire to openly communicate about it.

 

We pretty much just never spoke of it again.

[Zahara]

Well friend, you just answered your own question. Similar situation happened on your fathers side of the family and it has not been the same for 48 years. Maybe you should have thought about that before you slept with her. Know what I mean?

 

Wrong poster.

[MidwestUSA]

Why is there no mention of the fact that SHE opted to sleep with YOU? In the end, maybe your brother will realize you saved him from a life with a woman who is easily led astray.