alwaysrunnin Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 So the ex re-initiated contact a couple of weeks ago w/ a phone call while i was sleeping. called her back a day later, we've been talking about once a week since, a couple of times on email. so she agreed to hang out with me next friday - she said this weekend was too busy, she was going home from school...I was cool with that, told her whenever she got the chance. After I asked her if she wanted to chill, she emailed me back and was actually kinda flirtatious again - at least had some playfulness finally to her words and got her laughing again. then she called the same night to talk for a little, and then im'd me the next night too. BUT she said we were just going to hang out, it wasn't a date??? whats up with this? if it was any other girl, it'd definitely be a date...but i did tell her fine, why put labels on anything, we're just going to be chillin, planning on going to take her to some really random restaurant (she used to love when i did that) and see a movie that i know that we'll both love, just stuff we really used to love to do together. i can see why she is hesitant - we tried to "chill" a month earlier right after our break up but I was still too hurt and she could tell... Also, if she just wants to chill - is dinner and a movie too "date-ish"? I was thinking maybe I go over there and play squash with her, and then get some quick food then tell her I have to roll b/c I'm catching the movie with someone else...which i could do, so it wouldn't be a lie...but I'd really just love to take her out, play it cool, and hopefully slowly (yes i know it most likely will not be a one-nite thing) win her back over. Any opinions on the date thing? On what happens if she brings up she IS seeing someone else? Or when I drop her off at the end of the night, and things go well, do I just simply tell her I had a good time, for her to call if she wants to do this again, then leave? I do know I can't push anything... A little history - 3 years, definitely pretty serious for most of that time, now she needed her time to figure herself out (1st year in law school for her, I'm still trying to get into med school), i pushed it, broke down in front of her and flipped the script and finally after a week stopped contact and then she started again w/ an email a week later...
Merin Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 Be cautious... If she told you it wasn't a "date" then IMO she is saying.. don't expect that the two of you will be getting back together Just be cool.. have a good time, and don't stay "to long" know what I mean? Be the one that ends the "non date" by telling her it was great to see her, and you hope you can get together again soon and hang out. Good Luck
Urban Rubble01 Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 Well, my girl and I (3 years as well, "on a break" now) have been seeing each other in kind of the same way. When you go out, just do the same old stuff you guys always did. When I've seen her we just walk around the shops near her house and go eat or we go see a band. The same things we used to. When you're leaving is the tricky part. I don't know what terms you guys are on, so a safe bet would just be to say you had fun and hope you guys can still do that kind of thing.
Author alwaysrunnin Posted November 6, 2004 Author Posted November 6, 2004 thanks so far... guess i should add this is kinda my 3rd chance...got my second less than a week after we broke up, basically did the most romantic thing for her (read: not cheesy or cliche, something very simple but very meaningful to her and myself), she cried, broke down but then composed herself said she needed her time...wouldn't let go when i left her that night for awhile, told her not to call until she was ready...she called the next day, but i wasn't ready b/c i jumped on things way too quick so that didnt' work out (only one night, then she said she was hurting me too much, had to let go). she doesnt say she loves me anymore, i know she cares a lot still and said she would be devastated if anything happened to me...so maybe that is why she is being hesitant this time?? afraid to give me the wrong idea too quick? dont know...i still love her, but I am moving on and distancing myself... so maybe driving her back to my way from her school (45-50 min), taking her to dinner, and then if things go well, a movie (all stuff we always did together) might be too long for the first (3rd) time back at this...i'm not worried about keeping up conversation that won't be a problem, but i guess that might end up making me stay "too long", esp if we get stuck in bridge/tunnel traffic...BUT if she is seeing someone else (which i'm not gonna ask about at all), and is willing to go do all of that on a friday night, that means it can't be that serious and i'm sure it would trip the dude out if a girl spent a whole friday night (probably until at least midnight) with her ex...any other advice on the situation? thanks
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