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No intimacy but Wife was acting on her sleep and being intimate

poldo0507

By poldo0507
in Separation and Divorce

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poldo0507 Member

poldo0507

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My wife and I haven't been intimate for some time. My fault, I don't take her out to dates that much anymore or buy her stuff. In return, she talks as if she doesn't respect me sometimes.

 

To add injury, I got our car into a minor accident which was my fault. She got angry at me and I got my pride hurt and didn't talk to her that day. Ever since, our intimacy has been dead. No sex, no kisses, she doesn't even sleep on my chest or hug me to sleep like she used to.

 

I texted her last week and told her I love her and that I was sorry. I told her I missed how we were before. She said it's my fault since I'm numb and can't even tell how unhappy she has been with me. I was hurt. She said she has been forcing herself on me for all these years. She went back to school and is currently having some exams this week and said she's pressured and all and will be okay to force herself again after then. The word "forcing herself" to me sound like she has stopped loving me for a long time now. She said just to let her be right now.

 

Just last night, I managed to sleep between her and my daughter (yes our daughter sleeps on our bed). I placed my hand over her back and she didn't complain. I woke up at 1am and was hugging her when she was acting on her sleep. She was smiling and hugged and stroked her fingers through my hair while saying something like "it's been lonely or she misses something". I thought she was awake and got her senses back to I tried to initiate sex when she freaked out and stopped me and got up to bed to check the time. I asked her to come back to bed and to sleep on my chest. She refused and told me to stop forcing myself to her and just let her be.

 

I got pissed and move to the other room and slept there. She went for me and asked me why I was there and just told her I had a hard time sleeping.

 

I sure hope she's not seeing someone else. But I can't get my head around why she was acting like that while asleep. Hope you guys who have had the same experience share your stories with me.

Misfortune Established Member

Misfortune

Posted
Posted
My wife and I haven't been intimate for some time. My fault, I don't take her out to dates that much anymore or buy her stuff. In return, she talks as if she doesn't respect me sometimes.

 

To add injury, I got our car into a minor accident which was my fault. She got angry at me and I got my pride hurt and didn't talk to her that day. Ever since, our intimacy has been dead. No sex, no kisses, she doesn't even sleep on my chest or hug me to sleep like she used to.

 

I texted her last week and told her I love her and that I was sorry. I told her I missed how we were before. She said it's my fault since I'm numb and can't even tell how unhappy she has been with me. I was hurt. She said she has been forcing herself on me for all these years. She went back to school and is currently having some exams this week and said she's pressured and all and will be okay to force herself again after then. The word "forcing herself" to me sound like she has stopped loving me for a long time now. She said just to let her be right now.

 

Just last night, I managed to sleep between her and my daughter (yes our daughter sleeps on our bed). I placed my hand over her back and she didn't complain. I woke up at 1am and was hugging her when she was acting on her sleep. She was smiling and hugged and stroked her fingers through my hair while saying something like "it's been lonely or she misses something". I thought she was awake and got her senses back to I tried to initiate sex when she freaked out and stopped me and got up to bed to check the time. I asked her to come back to bed and to sleep on my chest. She refused and told me to stop forcing myself to her and just let her be.

 

I got pissed and move to the other room and slept there. She went for me and asked me why I was there and just told her I had a hard time sleeping.

 

I sure hope she's not seeing someone else. But I can't get my head around why she was acting like that while asleep. Hope you guys who have had the same experience share your stories with me.

 

I don't think people can really control what they do while they sleep so, I wouldn't take that too seriously. You really do have to give her space and let her come to you. Forcing things will only cause her to resist more and eventually turn into resentment. Treat her well, do dates, movie nights and little things that she likes. It is frustrating not getting what you want sometimes but that's a part of life. Support her with her schooling and just be there for her; be her rock.

mammasita Established Member

mammasita

Posted
Posted

I'm trying to get past the part about you trying to initiate sex with your daughter sleeping in your bed.

 

**confused**

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Misfortune Established Member

Misfortune

Posted
Posted
I'm trying to get past the part about you trying to initiate sex with your daughter sleeping in your bed.

 

**confused**

 

Forgot that :) Hopefully something changed or the initiation happened somewhere else........

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poldo0507 Member

poldo0507

Posted
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Posted
Forgot that :) Hopefully something changed or the initiation happened somewhere else........

 

Sorry to be unclear. When we actually go for it, we move to the living room. A few times, when we do it in the room, we do it on the floor and are do it quietly. I swear! :D

Misfortune Established Member

Misfortune

Posted
Posted
Sorry to be unclear. When we actually go for it, we move to the living room. A few times, when we do it in the room, we do it on the floor and are do it quietly. I swear! :D

 

How old is your daughter? What happens when she wakes and you too are stuck together?

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poldo0507 Member

poldo0507

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How old is your daughter? What happens when she wakes and you too are stuck together?

 

She's 2. We've only done it a couple of times with the lights off. I know we shouldn't be doing it so we make sure that if we do, we will be quick and be very quiet.

 

Thanks for your concern, Misfortune.

Eddie Edirol Established Member

Eddie Edirol

Posted
Posted

Shes not goin to let you have sex unless you date her first. especially when she talks like she doesnt respect you. So tell me this. Did you stop taking her out on dates first, or did she stop respecting you first? What do you do to romance her, or at least work towards that?

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trippi1432 Established Member

trippi1432

Posted
Posted
Shes not goin to let you have sex unless you date her first. especially when she talks like she doesnt respect you. So tell me this. Did you stop taking her out on dates first, or did she stop respecting you first? What do you do to romance her, or at least work towards that?

 

Hmm, don't know...at least they use the floor...my ex tried to initiate sex while I was breastfeeding and punched me when I refused..at least they use the floor?

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poldo0507 Member

poldo0507

Posted
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Posted
Shes not goin to let you have sex unless you date her first. especially when she talks like she doesnt respect you. So tell me this. Did you stop taking her out on dates first, or did she stop respecting you first? What do you do to romance her, or at least work towards that?

 

 

We've had a major issue few years ago. I had a thread about that where our marriage turned sour and she had an EA with a co-worker.

 

I stopped taking her out on dates first I believe. I admit we don't have much financial freedom to go on frequent dates but should make plans every once in a while. I'll definitely work towards that and not force her to be intimate with me again until she's ready. Thanks for the suggestion!

Misfortune Established Member

Misfortune

Posted
Posted
We've had a major issue few years ago. I had a thread about that where our marriage turned sour and she had an EA with a co-worker.

 

I stopped taking her out on dates first I believe. I admit we don't have much financial freedom to go on frequent dates but should make plans every once in a while. I'll definitely work towards that and not force her to be intimate with me again until she's ready. Thanks for the suggestion!

 

A date doesn't have to be an extravaganza, not in my mind anyways. Just 2 people doing something enjoyable and memorable( not sex). Do something for in house. Surprise her one day when she gets home.

  • Like 1
Eddie Edirol Established Member

Eddie Edirol

Posted
Posted

Your wife was yo-yoing you in your last thread. So what has happened between now and when she had an EA?

aliveagain Established Member

aliveagain

Posted
Posted

Are you sure the EA ended, is she transparent, do they still work together? Often when someone is in an affair they avoid intimacy because it's like cheating on their affair partner, can this be what's happening to you?

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poldo0507 Member

poldo0507

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Your wife was yo-yoing you in your last thread. So what has happened between now and when she had an EA?

 

About that, I moved out of the house and after a few weeks she asked me to come back and we patched things up. She stopped working from that company and admitted she was wrong about getting too close from that guy. Then everything seemed right again.

 

She went back to college last year and has been having a blast with her photography business (she takes pictures of babies outdoors) and is passionate about it. I worked again in Singapore and came back home last March to work home-based for that company since my work visa wasn't approved.

 

Just last week, we talked again about me moving out. She told me that she feels as if she doesn't deserve this life that we're having, made an excuse that we never had a deep loving relationship before we decided to get married , unlike the previous one before me (ouch!). She even brought up the idea that it's best that I work overseas and we'll slowly drift apart.

 

I told her I'm tired of this roller coaster ride as well. Tired of picking up the pieces, and wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with someone like her who doesn't love me and can't be happy with me. I deserve to have a happy life too.

 

This morning, I texted her and said I was sorry if I wasn't the perfect husband and wanted to make this marriage work again. She said she's tired of us. She feels miserable inside and feels I'm pulling her down. I said then I don't have a choice but to leave and this time I won't be coming back. I said I'll pack my things and leave next month. She asked why when nobody's kicking me out. She even asked if I can stay until the end of the year since she doesn't want this change happen with the Holidays approaching. She suggested that we keep living in my in-laws for our daughter's sake although I shouldn't expect to get much from her, I guess sexually/emotionally.

 

I feel I should move out. I have to leave to move on and be happy. It's just fair. She goes out with her girlfriends now while I start getting my friends back since I closed them out coz the wife never liked me hanging out with them.

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