Allora Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Its been more than a month since we broke up and Im a point where I realize the relationship wasn't all that great and it's probably better this way. The problem is, lately I have a constant urge to break NC and try to be friendly with him. It makes me feel uneasy that he doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I mean, it should be the other way around, since he was the one who lied and hurt me. Any advice on how to stop thinking about what he's up to? I feel like the longer he doesn't contact me, the worse I feel. I don't understand how someone who cared for me for years can suddenly just not think about or miss me. 1
unexpectedlyhere Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Maybe he does care and misses you, maybe he doesn't. Knowing which one it is will never be a substitute for him actually caring for you to the point of wanting to be with you, seeing his happiness in yours, loving you unconditionally. 4
Misfortune Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Its been more than a month since we broke up and Im a point where I realize the relationship wasn't all that great and it's probably better this way. The problem is, lately I have a constant urge to break NC and try to be friendly with him. It makes me feel uneasy that he doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I mean, it should be the other way around, since he was the one who lied and hurt me. Any advice on how to stop thinking about what he's up to? I feel like the longer he doesn't contact me, the worse I feel. I don't understand how someone who cared for me for years can suddenly just not think about or miss me. Knowing what he's up to wont do you any good. All you'll find out is that he still doesn't want to be with you. You'll go back to day 1 with your emotions and start hurting again. If you do want to do it anyways, prepare yourself for the worst. I think the best time to break NC is when you've reached the point of indifference. I'm at indifference after 2 months but I have no urge to communicate in anyway because I know she won't give me the time of day. You have to realize that you're just wasting your time with these people. 1
orionboxing Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 The problem is, lately I have a constant urge to break NC and try to be friendly with him. I know you want to do this...but don't. You are setting yourself up for failure and hurt. And to whoever said indifference, that is correct, and you are not at that point yet. I'm 15 months removed from my separation from my ex-wife, and she's still bitter/angry with me every time we need to communicate. If you ever want anything to do with him again, you need to have a clean slate and get to the point of indifference, not miss him, think about him, etc.
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 I'm at indifference after 2 months Just 2 months?? Really?? Wow. I was still a mess at 2 months. In fact that may have been the absolute worst of it. Count your lucky stars you can be indifferent at just 2 months!!! Have to ask. Are you absolutely sure about this?? 2
jenn78 Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 @ Allora I totally know how you feel. I got upset with my ex that he is being so good at NC... but then he gave me the alternative that he texts me every time he is sad/lonely/drunk or to check in and see what I am doing which he thinks would lead me on (which it probably would). You probably feel hurt that he isn't reaching out to you... it makes me feel like i was easy to dispose of and he doesn't care anymore. But i know he does care and thats why he isn't talking to me because he wants me to move on and find the happiness i deserve. He's cutting the cord because its too hard for me to because I miss him tremendously. But think if you were in constant contact with your ex it would feel great when you were talking but as soon as you stop it hurts so much all over again.
jonsnuh Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 I find the whole idea after a breakup, and the main reason for that person to breakup is to focus on oneself. Your ex focused on their selfish desire to break up and although it feels forced, you should definitely do the same.
hopefulfaerie Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 I do the same thing. Everywhere I go, I wonder what he's thinking feeling, even if he misses me. Even when I'm at the grocery store!!!! I think " I wonder if he buys red or green apples" UGHHHHHHH! Hang in there friend! I feel for you and unfortunately I know EXACTLY what you mean.
Petunia20 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 I feel the exact same way. When i read your post i thought that it sounded exactly what i have been wondering for the past 2 weeks. Please dont break NC. I have thought about it this way: 1. He might not answer and it will hurt me. 2. If he does answer whatever he says will hurt me too and it wont change anything. I still wont have him back. So that's what keeps me from not contacting him. I would rather not know what he's been up to that way I could imagine he is doing horrible without me. Some days i do think he's happy with the new girl he's with but other days i think that he's missing me. Ignorance is bliss...
robsa Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Feels like i've landed in the same place! i feel exactly the same .. it has been 6 weeks and things don't get better. I miss him constantly, i dream about him at night almost every night...and i just want to know what he is doing and i want to talk to him daily (we were in long distance so it is hard to make it real). but i can tell you this...i was not able to keep a full NC we were in very LC for the past 4 weeks. After a hurtful message from him I wrote my "i'm letting go of you message" and after 10 days i got this sweet message from him saying among other things that he missed me and he hoped we could see each other (we will be in the same country). today we talked and he totally destroyed me, because i had hoped for things i should have not... He has left you and he is thinking about himself, you are not his priority and you should definitely continue the NC. I broke it and now I feel like i'm back at day 1! i don't know when this will end, i can't shake off the hope that i have, it is as if i'm certain he will come back to me! is this super normal after a break up? do any of you feel the same?
darkmoon Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 it gets easier, less and less on your mind, in the end I woke up one day and realized that I had not thought of him for ages
robsa Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 I can't wait for that day when i can wake up and realise i'm whole without him... and when i can even go back to our friendship before our relationship started...i'm not sure how long it will take..he estimates that it will take him 1-2 years and considering that 6 weeks on he has still not let him deal with the break up it might as well be....but that won't be true for me! it helps to know i'm not the only one...even thought i would not wish for anyone to have to feel this ever!
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