Reaching 58 days nc. Did he ever love me?

[esperanzado]

I need some encouragement now. I have been beating myself up for initiating nc (did not announce to him I was hitting him with nc...not that he cares) for, well, 57 days now. Quick background: This person is a former bio professor of mine (I'm a returning adult student and he's 20yrs. my senior). We were friendly acquaintances for approx. a year. Interesting thing is, I remember the first week or two in the class. I actually was not fond of him at all. At the time, I had a sick animal at home and the vet had just informed me that she'd need to be put to sleep. When I went to let him know that I may miss a day of class due to this issue (I'm a straight A student), he was cold about it. He told me that he'd still have to deduct points (ass&*#$). I ended up having a few martinis that night and emailed him this long and sloppy email about my pet. I thought maybe he'd have connections or information that would help me save her b/c of his profession. He didn't. I can barely open the email now b/c it is so embarrassing...stupid vodka. Fast forward a month...I start to like this guy for some reason...then, wow, I have a crush on him! One night, after class I stayed after to talk to him for an hour or so...then a few more nights of this (just getting to know each other type conversations). He eventually told me he had a "lady friend" which gave me a pit in my tummy. (That's how I knew I really liked him...) The last night of the semester, he told me that he liked me, too. He said he was in a relationship and liked to finish one before entering another and I told him I felt the same about him (I was still in a relationship but knew it was ending and I had plans to move out-which I've done). We had several meetings after our confessions, probably, most of which I initiated b/c I couldn't get him off my mind. All these meetings were fairly innocent...until Feb. of this year. Valentines day, I get this email (after we had 2 months of nc, in December, I was the last to email him, he never replied)..."Happy Valentines Day" it read....grrr! I was so frustrated! Why after 2 months are you emailing me HVD when you have a girlfriend!!? I fell for it...right into his trap...I met him at his office, we talked and caught up...then, somehow the topic of spring break came up. Turned out we'd both had plans for break within 2 hours of each other. We decided to meet there in March. It was a very romantic setting and I have to admit, I was in complete la-la land. There were many things we talked about and personal issues were exchanged (very private and can't share) that you rarely find you have in common with people. I thought WOW this is the one! I can't believe this is happening! We slept together. UGH. Even though I was swept off my feet, I was still verbally restrained. HE was the one who came out and said those three words first. Then after our trips were over, he was sending me daily emails filled with things like: You are the woman I've been looking for my entire life, I love you so much, I will never hurt you, etc etc..please come by and see me after my class, blah blah blah. We spent about a month having our secret meetings and fooling around (no sex). He was so convincing with his words. So, basically, from March to mid May we were up to no good but I was with him under expectations that he was going to leave his live-in gf. When I returned home from spring break, I'd also received news that I'd be leaving the country for a job from June to July and had let him know. He seemed happy for me and had sort of tried to get on board w/me although I'm not sure how the hell that would have even happened now that I look back.

 

A few weeks before I left for the trip, he emails me all these issues...his gf has breast cancer gene and needs immediate surgery/his dad is possibly deathly ill/etc. He had warned me in an email before, don't worry if I can't write everyday, I'll still be thinking of you, then his emails came every two days, then three, till they were less and less. We probably only exchanged about 10 emails during the month I was away. And the last ones were distant. Like he didn't even know me. On one of the last email threads between us, I told him when I was flying home. He emailed me the day after I got back wanting to make sure I made it okay. In this email, he went on about all the stress he has had over his dad/gf and made no mention of wanting to see me. I emailed back but was a little short. I told him that I hope he gets through this time and that I hope he would find time to take care of himself as well. So, 2 weeks went by, no reply, no email...he just vanished. Those were the longest 2 weeks of my life. July 2, he emails me...same s%#, basically that he was at his wit's end etc. with things in his life. He said his therapist told him that he probably wouldn't stay with his gf unless they did couples therapy and even then probably wouldn't work out. Then, he goes on to say that his "therapist" told him not to be involved with anyone until he resolves his issues that have led him to be single for all these years (he was married once a long time ago)...He said he still found me "adorable" and "wildly appealing". I was so offended by the thought of being "adorable" that I never replied. He's not tried to contact me, either. I am in so much pain. I can't seem to pull myself together. Is this b/c there is no closure? Or is he just a big wimp and can't tell me the truth? This ended up being a really long post, and I'm sorry. There's so much more, too. Will he ever try to contact me again? Deep down I really want him to. Is this an ego thing? I have one more semester at this school. What if I see him in the hall? Do I walk away or acknowledge?

 

**Should I also be concerned that he dated on of his students several years ago (pretty girl/younger than me) and then ended up going out with her mom (who he's with now)? He is still good friends with the daughter, too. Is he just into or hung up on the daughter (who now has a bf, but I think they're on the rocks as of recent) and that's why he's with the mom? I shudder to think...but he frequently talked about her daughter and I got a funny vibe about the whole deal...

 

I have never poured myself out like this on a forum.

[Pierre]

Yes, he loved you very much. His feelings were 100% real. However, his love for you only works in the affair dimension. Outside the affair dimension there is another dimension that includes his GF and many other things.

 

As long as he can separate these dimensions he can love you.

 

This is difficult for you because you only live in one dimension.

[Quiet Storm]

It's interesting that your initial feelings about him were negative. When you were objective- before you developed the crush- you thought he was an @sshole.

 

I think you should pay attention to your original gut feeling. You were being influenced by his words. Without the words he has said to you, what is he? A cheating @sshole, with no compassion for animals (something that you love).

 

Don't contact him. He is not worth it. You deserve better.

 

If you begin to view him as total @sshole again, the question in your mind might change from did he love me? To who cares if this @sshole loved me? His love will feel less valuable to you.

Edited August 14, 2013 by Quiet Storm

[whichwayisup]

The guy is a real piece of work and unfortunately he played you. Many men can string a woman along and tell them what they want to hear. He knew you were into him and kept you interested so he could get down your pants and have some fun. Not maliciously but selfishly. He can easily separate love and sex. Some men have no conscious and it may not have meant much to him, if it did, it was in the heat of the moment, then he was able to put it out of his head like no big deal.

 

Best thing you can do for yourself is let go and grieve the loss. Chalk this up as a bad experience and know that you deserve better and more! He used you selfishly and now he's done..He won't want to hear what you have to say because he just doesn't care enough to hear you out. Sorry if reading this stings.

 

I got burned many years ago, though it was a one on one relationship, didn't last long and we didn't have sex but we did fool a lot. Many of us have one or two real ass.holes who break our hearts. Anyway I was lucky and had a great guy friend who helped me through it and more or less told me what some guys are capable of. Quite a wake up call and a lesson I learned to trust the wrong type of guy. Basically as SOON as your gut tells you something is wrong, LISTEN to it and ignore your emotions.

 

Get away from this prof. He's an idiot and will only use you more if you let him.

[LimeBlue]

Sounds like he uses his professional status as a lure to attract women, and then plays the fiddle with them, and ultimately gets away with it due to his professional status.

 

Stay away from him, this guy is bad news. And while you are at it, go for testing, including HPV.

[findingnemo]

Esperanzado, first of all 58 days NC is great!! Keep it up. But...

 

Relationships all start with fireworks. Some unravel badly, others grow and yet others fizzle out. I don't see any reason why As are any different. So perhaps it just fizzled out.

 

It is quite possible that his gf was found to have the breast cancer gene. However it must be more than that. Women rarely wake up and decide to test and see if they have this gene unless several female relatives have died of the disease. Most times they develop a mass in the breasts that looks like it is almost starting to calcify and at that point their doctors can perform the gene test. If one is found to have the gene, measures (sometimes extreme) are taken to prevent the woman from developing breast cancer in the future. I know this because my sister went through it a few years ago. Since his gf is going, according to him, to have an operation it may not be a lie. It is equally possible that his father is/was ill with the potential of it being a terminal disease. There is no reason to think he lied about that.

 

When people are in love life can get in the way. If it is true about his gf and Dad, the prof reacted like all human beings would. No one leaves their partner when a serious diagnosis is made. You have to be a special kind of a$$h*** to do such a heartless thing. Additionally, the possibility of death of a loved one can re-focus a person pretty fast. Superfluous things in one's life are quickly discarded or pushed aside. It is possible he is very stressed about these issues and the A he was having has now been relegated to last place in his mind.

 

If all of the above is true, then what he felt for you was real at the time. With these new developments, he can't psychologically cope with an A. If they are not true, then what other posters have said applies.

 

Either way, the A is most likely over. And what is this about him dating daughter and then mother? It is disgusting to think about but not illegal or immoral. In any case, if they are both okay with him then it is none of anybody's business.

 

It is over. You need to work on accepting this. Seeing him for one semester may be hard but he left you and if he wants you he should make the effort. So ignore him. Do not try to talk to him looking for "closure". You are the one who decides to close this chapter of your life. I am sorry you are hurting.

[esperanzado]

Thanks to everyone so much for your kindness and understanding. I was actually able to get up and get a semi-normal start to my day. I think because I've been holding this in for so long I've been stuck in a complete rut. Maybe I just need to talk about it and release all of these feelings. I can't wait to be free of this.

Edited August 14, 2013 by esperanzado

[thecharade]

I don't have anyone in real life to share with. Holding it all in-the confusion, pain, anger, guilt-was making me nuts. I finally found a good counselor just to get some of it out. (We talk about other things, too.)

 

59 days is great! Write here when you need to vent, and write to other people here, also. Helping others reminds me that I am doing the right thing and that I have made a lot of progress.

 

Has the NC helped you to see him differently? It has helped me. And once I started to see him in a more unflattering light, I realized there was probably no going back. I will never unknow what I know about him now, namely that he can be this selfish and compassionless. He should feel badly for what he's done to his W and what he's put me through, but nope. His most recent email confirmed what I already knew: he only feels sorry for himself. I have no use for such a selfish person in my life.

[esperanzado]

Has the NC helped you to see him differently? It has helped me. And once I started to see him in a more unflattering light, I realized there was probably no going back. I will never unknow what I know about him now, namely that he can be this selfish and compassionless. He should feel badly for what he's done to his W and what he's put me through, but nope. His most recent email confirmed what I already knew: he only feels sorry for himself. I have no use for such a selfish person in my life.

 

No, not yet. I am still in a relatively bad place...every time I open my email, I hope for one from him. People around here keep saying it will get better and I'm sure they're right. I am mostly struggling with the possibility of never seeing his face or hearing his voice again. I know, it sounds ridiculous but it's just the way I feel.

 

I bet he's really happy, too. I mean, he's probably like "YAY! She didn't reply to my last email! She did all my dirty work for me by breaking contact"

 

b/c you see, that way, he didn't have to end it. He just sent some lame email that was distant...and at the end he said, "for the sake of everyone, I probably won't be in touch very often until I get some things resolved."

 

jerk. every time I feel like contacting him, I read that email. unfortunately, then I end up crying like a baby.

[thora-tiki]

Thank you for sharing, esperanzado!

 

How are you?

 

60 days of no contact - that is amazing!

 

You are doing more than fine, esperanzado.

You are where everyone starts out after a break up, in the «panic phase» where you try to foresee the future, and figure everything out overnight, and this just makes you even more confused - so stop it.

 

- Accept the break up


- Stick to no contact - no matter what.

 

Life is full of disappointments - get used to it - but if you have the right attitude you can turn every disappointment into a lesson learned which can only enhance your life in the end.

 

No contact is all about YOU. Exciting, right?

 

It is irrelevant why he is acting the way he is. It just means that you have a «head start» i.e. you don't sound confused, yes, you are hurt, in pain, etc, but you are not confused from within, he is confusing you both - big difference.

 

So use the «head start».

 

Use it to begin making plans to fill the gap he has left. Transform yourself. New hobbies, new friends, a new look, a new outlook. What do you really want to do that you haven't bothered with till now?

 

Make plans to do it. Don't just say you are going to change things - actually action a plan to change yourself for the better. It will make you happier.

 

Then in a while when you see Crazy Professor around, he will wonder why you look so damn good, so not bothered, so over it - and he will want it BAD!

 

I can see from reading your thread that very slowly and gently you are starting to feel a little bit better. Those lovely little flashes of hope and optimism have started, and as long as you maintain your marvellous resolve (to no contact) they will gradually last for longer and longer.

Isn't healing miraculous!

 

Here is the skinny on your Crazy Professor:

 

He has a girlfriend that he lives with, and he is having an affair, or used to, with you.

 

This tells me many things:

 

1. He is ok with being dishonest. (Nice.)

2. He is ok with cheating on his girlfriend. (Great.)

3. He has no respect for his relationship with his girlfriend. (Super.)

4. He has no real regards for you, because what you got was just breadcrumbs and a stolen moment here and a cheap moment there.

(Just what you always dreamed of as a little girl and would write in your diary: Dear Diary I hope to meet a cheating man like this one day... Sigh...)

 

I know, it seems easier to ignore the red flag (cheating), when he is telling you:

- my relationship isn't working,

- my girlfriend is not the one for me

- blah blah blah

 

But it is still a red flag. And you are still having an affair.

Don't help him cheat on his girlfriend.

 

Let's agree, you are better than that.

 

To me this break up was a blessing in disguise:

It was/is all about him. He plays the victim... Wah! Wah! Wah!

Grown man acting like a fu*king cry-baby.

 

Good job in kicking his fu*king a*s out of your life.

 

I'm so pissed at this jerk right now that if he was within my reach I'd give him something to cry about.

 

You are too trusting and too nice of a person to let this a*shole continue to fu*k with you.

 

Next time he comes around you and starts that bullsh*t, crying to you about his sh*t, and that his therapist said this or that, grab a bat and put him out of his misery.

 

I am not a violent woman, I wouldn't harm anybody: humans or animals etc.

 

But this sorry excuse for a man makes my blood boil.

 

Hah!

 

The way you look at things really helps you in realise what you need to do, and why.

 

You can't write a new story on top of an old one, you could, but it would be a mess.

 

Get your life back, and start with a blank page again (with ex - if he is single and has evolved and enough time has passed - or a new guy).

 

No contact will reveal your ex's true feelings (mental state/personality/character).

 

It does a number on you as well!

 

You ask:

«I have one more semester at this school. What if I see him in the hall? Do I walk away or acknowledge?I have one more semester at this school. What if I see him in the hall? Do I walk away or acknowledge?»

 

Great questions!

 

These are my tips for when you are in no contact with the ex-hole:

 

You don't have to hide when you are using no contact to evolve past a break up.

 

But it is healthy to be a bit paranoid.

 

You just need to make sure you know how to handle any situations that might arise if your ex-hole runs into you.

 

1. Be polite, if he says «hi» say «hi» back, and then move along.

 

2. Do not get dragged into any deep conversations about ANYTHING, with your ex.

Just say «I do not want to talk, or I am not ready to talk» if he wants to talk about the relationship.

 

3. If he won't leave you alone because he is an as*hole or drunk or both - leave/cross the room/street.

 

4. Be prepared for the fact he might try to make you jealous by hanging all over some girl/women.

 

5. Don't get drunk, you will be sure to fu*k up if you do that.

 

Dating, going out, and having fun, is the quickest way to evolve past a break up and get your life back, positive energy attracts more positive energy. Stay sober and use your common sense, and you should be fine.

 

These tips goes for any situation, at the gym, on the street, at a restaurant/bar/party - etc.

 

Your story reminded me of the book/film Bridget Jones's Diary, your Crazy Professor is Daniel Cleaver, and you have yet to meet Mark Darcy. Mmmmh... Lucky you!

 

Please watch this film this evening, have a good laugh.

Maybe invite some friends over and have some wine or something else you like to drink. Watch both films and make a night of it!

Either alone or with friends.

 

I read this somewhere:

Confusion, hurt, dishonesty, and disappointment are not kindly, well-intentioned gentlemen callers. Close the door.

[BruisedBNBroken]

Thank you for sharing, esperanzado!

 

How are you?

 

60 days of no contact - that is amazing!

 

You are doing more than fine, esperanzado.

You are where everyone starts out after a break up, in the «panic phase» where you try to foresee the future, and figure everything out overnight, and this just makes you even more confused - so stop it.

 

- Accept the break up


- Stick to no contact - no matter what.

 

Life is full of disappointments - get used to it - but if you have the right attitude you can turn every disappointment into a lesson learned which can only enhance your life in the end.

 

No contact is all about YOU. Exciting, right?

 

It is irrelevant why he is acting the way he is. It just means that you have a «head start» i.e. you don't sound confused, yes, you are hurt, in pain, etc, but you are not confused from within, he is confusing you both - big difference.

 

So use the «head start».

 

Use it to begin making plans to fill the gap he has left. Transform yourself. New hobbies, new friends, a new look, a new outlook. What do you really want to do that you haven't bothered with till now?

 

Make plans to do it. Don't just say you are going to change things - actually action a plan to change yourself for the better. It will make you happier.

 

Then in a while when you see Crazy Professor around, he will wonder why you look so damn good, so not bothered, so over it - and he will want it BAD!

 

I can see from reading your thread that very slowly and gently you are starting to feel a little bit better. Those lovely little flashes of hope and optimism have started, and as long as you maintain your marvellous resolve (to no contact) they will gradually last for longer and longer.

Isn't healing miraculous!

 

Here is the skinny on your Crazy Professor:

 

He has a girlfriend that he lives with, and he is having an affair, or used to, with you.

 

This tells me many things:

 

1. He is ok with being dishonest. (Nice.)

2. He is ok with cheating on his girlfriend. (Great.)

3. He has no respect for his relationship with his girlfriend. (Super.)

4. He has no real regards for you, because what you got was just breadcrumbs and a stolen moment here and a cheap moment there.

(Just what you always dreamed of as a little girl and would write in your diary: Dear Diary I hope to meet a cheating man like this one day... Sigh...)

 

I know, it seems easier to ignore the red flag (cheating), when he is telling you:

- my relationship isn't working,

- my girlfriend is not the one for me

- blah blah blah

 

But it is still a red flag. And you are still having an affair.

Don't help him cheat on his girlfriend.

 

Let's agree, you are better than that.

 

To me this break up was a blessing in disguise:

It was/is all about him. He plays the victim... Wah! Wah! Wah!

Grown man acting like a fu*king cry-baby.

 

Good job in kicking his fu*king a*s out of your life.

 

I'm so pissed at this jerk right now that if he was within my reach I'd give him something to cry about.

 

You are too trusting and too nice of a person to let this a*shole continue to fu*k with you.

 

Next time he comes around you and starts that bullsh*t, crying to you about his sh*t, and that his therapist said this or that, grab a bat and put him out of his misery.

 

I am not a violent woman, I wouldn't harm anybody: humans or animals etc.

 

But this sorry excuse for a man makes my blood boil.

 

Hah!

 

The way you look at things really helps you in realise what you need to do, and why.

 

You can't write a new story on top of an old one, you could, but it would be a mess.

 

Get your life back, and start with a blank page again (with ex - if he is single and has evolved and enough time has passed - or a new guy).

 

No contact will reveal your ex's true feelings (mental state/personality/character).

 

It does a number on you as well!

 

You ask:

«I have one more semester at this school. What if I see him in the hall? Do I walk away or acknowledge?I have one more semester at this school. What if I see him in the hall? Do I walk away or acknowledge?»

 

Great questions!

 

These are my tips for when you are in no contact with the ex-hole:

 

You don't have to hide when you are using no contact to evolve past a break up.

 

But it is healthy to be a bit paranoid.

 

You just need to make sure you know how to handle any situations that might arise if your ex-hole runs into you.

 

1. Be polite, if he says «hi» say «hi» back, and then move along.

 

2. Do not get dragged into any deep conversations about ANYTHING, with your ex.

Just say «I do not want to talk, or I am not ready to talk» if he wants to talk about the relationship.

 

3. If he won't leave you alone because he is an as*hole or drunk or both - leave/cross the room/street.

 

4. Be prepared for the fact he might try to make you jealous by hanging all over some girl/women.

 

5. Don't get drunk, you will be sure to fu*k up if you do that.

 

Dating, going out, and having fun, is the quickest way to evolve past a break up and get your life back, positive energy attracts more positive energy. Stay sober and use your common sense, and you should be fine.

 

These tips goes for any situation, at the gym, on the street, at a restaurant/bar/party - etc.

 

Your story reminded me of the book/film Bridget Jones's Diary, your Crazy Professor is Daniel Cleaver, and you have yet to meet Mark Darcy. Mmmmh... Lucky you!

 

Please watch this film this evening, have a good laugh.

Maybe invite some friends over and have some wine or something else you like to drink. Watch both films and make a night of it!

Either alone or with friends.

 

I read this somewhere:

Confusion, hurt, dishonesty, and disappointment are not kindly, well-intentioned gentlemen callers. Close the door.

 

Thora-tiki: this is my favorite post of the week! I read it twice with a smile. Great honest advise across the board with a hilarious edge. Love it.

[fanine]

The only way I can understand it all is to tell myself, yes maybe my xMM did or does love me, but his definition of love is very different to what mine is.

 

For me loving someone is giving my all without being a doormat, sharing the good and bad things in life. It means being felt cared for, it means feeling like this person is different to anyone else. It means respect for the other person's feelings, it means being faithful and loyal. I could never contemplate going with another man if I am in love with someone. It is not like I have to stop myself, I just never ever have the urge, it never crosses my mind even if a guy comes on to me. It means growing together as a couple, encouraging the other person in their dreams and ambitions. Having sex with a man I love makes me feel safe, I feel comfortable to let myself go. There is much more...

 

My xMM truly compartamentalises his life. He really was of the thinking well if we have a good time together, and I am good to you when we are together it should not matter what I do when I am not with you. So to him it was fine he had another OW on top of his wife! I don't think he truly understands what 'love' as I would define it is. He seemed to think everyone is being up to no good, that most people had affairs, and other relationships.

Part of that is a culture thing too though. The country he comes from it is very common for people to have several partners and no one seems to have a problem with it...so he could never understand why I would be so upset he would not leave his wife. And well when I found out about the OW he was the one who got cross that I had found out, and was cross that I was so upset!

 

An impossible situation....

[esperanzado]

 

Here is the skinny on your Crazy Professor:

 

He has a girlfriend that he lives with, and he is having an affair, or used to, with you.

 

This tells me many things:

 

1. He is ok with being dishonest. (Nice.)

2. He is ok with cheating on his girlfriend. (Great.)

3. He has no respect for his relationship with his girlfriend. (Super.)

4. He has no real regards for you, because what you got was just breadcrumbs and a stolen moment here and a cheap moment there.

(Just what you always dreamed of as a little girl and would write in your diary: Dear Diary I hope to meet a cheating man like this one day... Sigh...)

 

I know, it seems easier to ignore the red flag (cheating), when he is telling you:

- my relationship isn't working,

- my girlfriend is not the one for me

- blah blah blah

 

But it is still a red flag. And you are still having an affair.

Don't help him cheat on his girlfriend.

 

Let's agree, you are better than that.

 

To me this break up was a blessing in disguise:

It was/is all about him. He plays the victim... Wah! Wah! Wah!

Grown man acting like a fu*king cry-baby.

 

Good job in kicking his fu*king a*s out of your life.

 

I'm so pissed at this jerk right now that if he was within my reach I'd give him something to cry about.

 

You are too trusting and too nice of a person to let this a*shole continue to fu*k with you.

 

Next time he comes around you and starts that bullsh*t, crying to you about his sh*t, and that his therapist said this or that, grab a bat and put him out of his misery.

 

I am not a violent woman, I wouldn't harm anybody: humans or animals etc.

 

But this sorry excuse for a man makes my blood boil.

 

Hah!

 

The way you look at things really helps you in realise what you need to do, and why.

 

You can't write a new story on top of an old one, you could, but it would be a mess.

 

Get your life back, and start with a blank page again (with ex - if he is single and has evolved and enough time has passed - or a new guy).

 

No contact will reveal your ex's true feelings (mental state/personality/character).

 

It does a number on you as well!

 

You ask:

«I have one more semester at this school. What if I see him in the hall? Do I walk away or acknowledge?I have one more semester at this school. What if I see him in the hall? Do I walk away or acknowledge?»

 

Great questions!

 

These are my tips for when you are in no contact with the ex-hole:

 

You don't have to hide when you are using no contact to evolve past a break up.

 

But it is healthy to be a bit paranoid.

 

You just need to make sure you know how to handle any situations that might arise if your ex-hole runs into you.

 

1. Be polite, if he says «hi» say «hi» back, and then move along.

 

2. Do not get dragged into any deep conversations about ANYTHING, with your ex.

Just say «I do not want to talk, or I am not ready to talk» if he wants to talk about the relationship.

 

3. If he won't leave you alone because he is an as*hole or drunk or both - leave/cross the room/street.

 

4. Be prepared for the fact he might try to make you jealous by hanging all over some girl/women.

 

5. Don't get drunk, you will be sure to fu*k up if you do that.

 

Dating, going out, and having fun, is the quickest way to evolve past a break up and get your life back, positive energy attracts more positive energy. Stay sober and use your common sense, and you should be fine.

 

These tips goes for any situation, at the gym, on the street, at a restaurant/bar/party - etc.

 

Your story reminded me of the book/film Bridget Jones's Diary, your Crazy Professor is Daniel Cleaver, and you have yet to meet Mark Darcy. Mmmmh... Lucky you!

 

Please watch this film this evening, have a good laugh.

Maybe invite some friends over and have some wine or something else you like to drink. Watch both films and make a night of it!

Either alone or with friends.

 

I read this somewhere:

Confusion, hurt, dishonesty, and disappointment are not kindly, well-intentioned gentlemen callers. Close the door.

 

Thank you, thank you, thank you! So many good points here. I wish I could give you a big hug right now! I will be reading this post a lot...

 

I've got Bridget Jones in my collection. What a great movie. I'll definitely be putting it on for dinner tonight, and before I go to bed, I'll thank my higher power for sending me to such a wonderful group of people. It's amazing what support and encouragement can do. Lol, I'm not violent either, but I recently moved into a house (alone) so I bought a Taser gun...since then, I've been imagining passing by him in the hallway and giving him a quick buzz. lol. Of course I'd NEVER do that, just fun to think about.

 

I should probably buzz myself, actually, for believing all his s##%, right?

[Speakingofwhich]

Esperanzado, was so glad to read you hadn't replied to that last email he sent you!

 

He's obviously a jerk, you knew it when you first met him, and you are fortunate to be rid of him.

 

It's very possible that you will hear from him in the future. Don't count on it, but I believe it will happen.

 

But, by that time you will have cooled off toward him enough to make the wise decision of staying away from him.

[esperanzado]

So... school started yesterday. Somehow, I (AND I'm not sure for how long I can do this) resisted the urge to walk the areas he may happen to be passing through. I am so pathetic. :(

 

I have now had him on my mind for almost 1.5 yrs. I still have trouble concentrating b/c he takes up so much space in my head. I read a little on the "affair fog" thing...is that what I have? I HATE this crap. I just want him to reach out to me so badly.

 

Since I want him to contact me (and I resist contacting him) do you think he thinks the same? Is he like "I just want her to contact me" and he resists, too? ...does pride have anything to do with these situations?

 

I'm sure I'll hate the answers (a.k.a. truth), but your thoughts are much appreciated.