katty Posted November 5, 2004 Posted November 5, 2004 I was in a l/d r/s with a guy for almost 2 years. We were both busy with our careers but tried to spend as much time as possible together when we could. We talked of marriage and then he pulled away and distanced himself from me. I assumed the commitment part scared him so I gave him his space, about one month later he was back and everything was great again. However we were finding it hard to get together and even though he is the one that was always bringing up marriage and living together, etc. I was scared that he would back away again. He convinced me we were soulmates. We always respected each others personal time, etc. and when he or I wanted time with our friends the other was fine with it. He finally had me convinced once again that we were destined to be together forever. We just had some things to take care of, the distance being one of them. Well he broke up with me almost 3 months ago and said it was b/c I wouldn't move, etc. and I had used the excuses the week before about not moving there b/c of my dogs and my business. So he used these excuses. I just assumed he was scared so I gave him his space. We still talked and told each other how much we loved one another etc. and then he just stopped calling or anything. I didn't call him and after a month I did and he didn't call me back. I called him a couple of weeks ago and he told me he had gotten engaged. My whole world came tumbling down. I honestly thought he just needed time not someone else. During our breakup I was really busy with my business and tried to not think about him. I miss him so much and I cant believe he got engaged. Can someone please help me figure out what to do. I have tried for 2 weeks to get him out of my head. I am just not happy. I try to be but I am not. His new g/f even called me a couple of times with questions about our r/s and it is so hard to be nice. My family and my friends can't understand why this is hurting me so bad b/c they always thought I could do better. Please help me come to terms with this before I go insane. I have been really great though b/c I have not called him or anything except one time and that was just to apologize for asking for my stuff back. I was in shock over his announcement of marriage and I never wanted the gifts back. I have come to realize that my life is so empty without him. How do I go on? His g/f called me and ask me if I loved him. What a stupid question to ask. She said " I don't care if you do" the whole breakup has been weird. please help me understand. I am lost and alone and need some guidance.
ltomlinson81 Posted November 5, 2004 Posted November 5, 2004 First of all, do not answer any calls from his new girlfriend. There is seriously something wrong with her if she thinks it is okay to be calling you. How did she get your number? Did your ex give it to her? Don't answer from now on, it will just be torture. You need to focus on yourself for a while. Take care of yourself and do things that make you happy. Keep yourself busy and reconnect with the person you were before you were with your ex. This will hurt for a long time to come. But if you keep yourself occupied and focus your energy on different things and people, it will be much easier to get through. You are being so strong, but don't take those calls from the new girlfriend any more!!
katty Posted November 5, 2004 Posted November 5, 2004 I have really been trying to move on but it seems impossible. I have had heartache before but never quite like this. I just feel so sad b/c I know I will never see or speak to him again and I will miss him forever.
ps123 Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 I recently broke up with somene I really cared about too. I wont go into details, but she was the one that broke it off and its been hard as hell for me to function the last few weeks. I have really been trying to move on but it seems impossible. I have had heartache before but never quite like this. I just feel so sad b/c I know I will never see or speak to him again and I will miss him forever. I know how you feel. Im feeling some of the same things. Ive had my heart broken enough before though to know that this will eventually fade. It will take time and will hurt like hell for a while, but it will go away. All the things Im thinking about her, like she was the only one whos this or that...that will also fade. As far as never seeing or speaking to him again, you dont know that yet. No one knows what the future will bring. Im not trying to give you false hope, but for me, it helps to not look too far ahead. When I catch myself wondering how Im going to go on without ever seeing her again, I just take a step back and try to take things a day at a time. Just dont look past today and deal with it for today. When I think of just today and dont worry about never seeing her in the future, it helps a lot. Just realize you need to get through this day, or this hour, or even this minute if you need to take it down that far, but realize you dont need to worry about tomorrow. When I realize I wont see her today, but dont know anything else, it takes a lot of the anxiety and worry away. Does this make sense? I hope this helps. Youre not alone so hang in there. You can get through this.
katty Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 thanks I just can't seem to move forward and now that he is engaged so soon after our breakup it makes me do all kinds of thinking, emotional crys, etc. to myself of course not to him. I might cry over him but he will never know.
ps123 Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 I wish I knew what to tell you about him getting engaged so quickly, except that you dont want someone like that and deserve better. I can relate to to the family and friends thing too. All my friends think Im crazy for even caring about this person. She treated my somewhat badly at times. She wasnt bitchy or mean, but treated me like I didnt matter a lot. Didnt return calls, or call me when she said she would, broke plans, didnt make much time for me, etc. Youre definitely not alone. I woke up in a pretty bad place today too. Im not sure why. I was feeling really good about things yesterday and woke up today hurting like it did the first day we broke up. Im really missing her badly today and Im feeling incredibly lonely because of it. The worst part is that Im so depressed that I dont even want to do anything. Ive had 3 friends call today and let the machine get it on all 3. I dont even want to talk to anyone. I know that going out and doing things will help, but it just feels so hard today. I know this will pass, but for now, it really sucks. Just know youre not alone. It sounds like you have family and friends who care. People keep telling me that this happened so I can move onto something that will work better for me and to someone who will treat me better. I wish I could believe them, but I do know they care.
katty Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 It really hurts when you really love someone and you miss them and there is not a dang thing you can do about it. I know that I would feel better if I went out but all of my female friends are married with children and hanging out with them just reminds me of what I don't have. Tried going out with some of my male friends but one got really obnoxious at dinner last night (thought he was my b/f) and then if that wasn't bad enough when we got to my house he walked me up the driveway like he usually does and then without my even expecting it he pinned me against my door and laid a big kiss on me. I realize he had been at some ballgames all day with some guys but this upset me oh forgot the biggest part that upset me, when he kissed me he grabbed both of my breast in each hand, it all happened really fast and I was shocked and mad and really pissed. I told him he needed to leave. He is my friend and after he left he called back and I didn't answer the phone and he left a message on my machine saying I know your there I just dropped you off, hey don't be mad at me I've been wanting to kiss you for years and I always wanted to know what those beautiful tits of yours would feel like in my hands. OK now I am really mad . I guess I am just not ready for any of this. I don't really care for the single scene and I try not to send out the wrong signals to my friends. I thought he knew that we would always just be friends. I am mostly upset b/c my ex b/f use to swear that guys couldn't be friends with girls that if they were it was b/c they actually wanted to be more. I am just so aggravated. I may never leave my house again. I may lay here in my house and die of a broken heart.
ps123 Posted November 7, 2004 Posted November 7, 2004 WOW! What a jackass. Its dickheads like him that mess it up for the rest of us. Thats really messed up. Was he drunk? Not that thats an excuse. Dont blame yourself on that one or think you were sending out signals. That guy just sounds like a moron. Anyways, yes I know exactly what you mean when you talk about going out with friends. Pretty much all of my friends are married and have kids which makes going out or even getting together with them a challange. For them, a fun night is dinner and a movie with the kids. Theres nothing wrong with that, but its not exactly a good way for me to meet people. I know what you mean about reminding you about what you dont have too. After hanging out with them, and the kids, it makes coming home to my empty house that much harder. Ive actually been thinking about getting a dog, but want to make sure Im not doing it because I just got out of a relationship. Dont let the guy from last night scare you off from trying to meet new people. There are still some nice guys out there. Your bf was wrong by the way. I have several friends that are women. One of my closest friends is a woman in fact. I think it completely depends on the man. I may never leave my house again. I may lay here in my house and die of a broken heart. Aww....cumon... you need to get out and do something. Do you workout? Just do what Ive been doing and spend tons more time at the gym. Its a way to meet people and make yourself look better in the process . And dont do what I do sometimes and sit around watching sad tv shows and listening to sad music. Sometimes I think I actually like to feed my depression by doing that. Not sure why. At least Im lucky in the fact that I dont drink or use drugs or Id have probably been drunk the last two weeks. Just keep telling yourself this will get easier every day because it will. The only thing that will fix us is time...which kinda sucks, but oh well... By the way, what is r/s? You said that about your relationship. Hang in there.
katty Posted November 7, 2004 Posted November 7, 2004 I guess I put r/s for relationship. sorry. Getting a dog is a great idea. I have 2 and they are the biggest brats. My favorite saying to all of my friends use to be " If you want a faithful companion buy yourself a dog." Just a joke but my 2 dogs are a lot of company but they are also one of the reasons by ex used for us not being together. My male dog is a little bit possessive of his mommy. He had a accident when he was only 6 weeks old so he is blind and just a big mommas boy. His front legs were broken in the accident and they give him some problems and oh yeah he is a little over weight. He likes to eat, sleep, snore real loud, and just be outright gassy. I got him for my female when I was having to work a lot and felt she needed some company. He was suppose to be her stud but he ended up being a dud. We don't care we love him with all his little flaws. Sorry about going on about my dogs. There is not much to do in the town I live in it is very small.
ps123 Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 Yeah, the dog thing sounds fun, but I want to wait till Im over her before getting one. I want to make sure Im not just wanting one because Im lonely. I love dogs, but Id hate to get one and then realize I dont have time for it, etc. How small is the town you live in? I spose that cuts into the dating scene if theres just no one there. Although, I live in a fairy large city (probably well over 1,000,000 with the suburbs) and I still have a hard time meeting people, so maybe that doesnt matter.
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