Today has been so hard.

[Ireallydontknow]

I woke up this morning. I missed her. I checked my phone even though I'm 4 days NC. I just wanted to see her number. I wanted to know she missed me. I wanted her to say "I'm making a mistake, please don't go, please stay." Even though I've already made up my mind and I'm starting a new life. I would probably go back to her

 

I'm sick of the hold she has on me. She cared more about escapism than me. She chose someone she met over the internet over a guy she gave 5 years too. I keep thinking of her with this guy. I keep thinking of him having sex with my ex-fiance. I keep thinking of them cuddling into the night.

 

It's been 4 days. I'm a wreck. I woke up and I've been pretty much crying all day. I miss her. I still love her. Why? She hurt me. She betrayed me. She threw our life away so she could fuel her own ego. She led me on for a year while her heart pined for another.

 

I feel so alone right now.

[SadnessMadness]

I woke up this morning. I missed her. I checked my phone even though I'm 4 days NC. I just wanted to see her number. I wanted to know she missed me. I wanted her to say "I'm making a mistake, please don't go, please stay." Even though I've already made up my mind and I'm starting a new life. I would probably go back to her

 

I'm sick of the hold she has on me. She cared more about escapism than me. She chose someone she met over the internet over a guy she gave 5 years too. I keep thinking of her with this guy. I keep thinking of him having sex with my ex-fiance. I keep thinking of them cuddling into the night.

 

It's been 4 days. I'm a wreck. I woke up and I've been pretty much crying all day. I miss her. I still love her. Why? She hurt me. She betrayed me. She threw our life away so she could fuel her own ego. She led me on for a year while her heart pined for another.

 

I feel so alone right now.

 

Trust me if it is bad now, it will only get worse. I'm on my 51st day of NC and i still have bad days and strong urges to contact her. Best thing i can say is to just ride it out. I've had days where i just wanted to die and be over with the pain and then there is days when i think i am completely over her. It will fluctuate like that for a while.

 

NC shows her that you respect yourself and her at the same time. If she chose somebody else over you then basically it is her loss. I'm in a bad spot because my ex left me it seems just to be able to let loose for the summertime...

 

One thing i have learned from my begging and pleading is that the quicker you let them go, the better. The more you beg, the more they will get pushed away. Show her that you can stand on your own and still live life. Let her think that you are dependent on no one but yourself.

 

No contact hurts like hell, trust me i know. I deleted her number and found it again 4 days ago and am constantly fighting the temptation to contact her.

 

Just let it be, i know first hand that there are always "Better" girls out there but i really just wanted her. A quote i read on this site is "Don't go for the better girl, go for the girl that makes you a better guy".

 

Dedicate your time to something or watch breaking bad, but no matter what you do, do not contact.

 

You will eventually hear from her again, we all do, but i guarantee when you do hear from her again, you will be over her. You will be thankful that it ended and your mind would have been onto something bigger then her.

 

Take this time and think about the mistakes you made throughout the relationship, things you wish you would have done and grow from this.

 

I really know your pain but through the darkest of nights, there will always be a brighter day ahead.

[supaflyz]

You will have more of these days here and there my friend. That just how it is. I had one a few days back, and it has been about 4 months for me. I hope you get through your days with less emotional pain. This is completely normal though. 5 years is a lot. You miss the every day routine you had with her. You miss someone to talk to on the phone. You miss that connection I know. I hope you feel better soon.

[Ireallydontknow]

I just don't know what to do. I feel so vulnerable right now. I should probably get off of these dating websites. It kind of makes me feel worse, like I'm not ever going to find anyone.

 

In 2 days I'm leaving this life behind. I'm moving, I'm leaving everything I built with this person so she could run off with someone else. I want her to be miserable. I want her to have to deal with what I'm going through. She isn't. She "loves" this guy (She knew him online for a couple years and met him TWICE before she gave it up and cheated on me.)

 

I just don't know what to do. The pain is too much. I should of left a year ago when she was being a brat. She has been waiting for this guy for a year! She wasn't even talking to him for a year. How is it so easy to jump like that? She doesn't know this guys every little quirk like we knew each other.

 

I just need to vent. I just need a lot of things. I don't need her, but I do at the same time. I'm such a weak human being, needing someone to be happy with myself. I told her I was losing my life when we broke up. She said "I don't want you to base your life around me." She even had some kind of "fantasy?" of how I would move to Japan and fall in love there. She already was trying to pawn me off. Maybe it was the guilt. She honestly wanted to keep us both. She didn't want to hurt us. But she chose hurting the guy that gave her 5 years of his life.

 

I'm so tired of hurting. I could just punch something. I am NOT strong right now. I even checked up on her tumblr. She hasn't been on since we broke up. Too busy having fun with her new boyfriend. I hate thinking about it.

[SadnessMadness]

I just don't know what to do. I feel so vulnerable right now. I should probably get off of these dating websites. It kind of makes me feel worse, like I'm not ever going to find anyone.

 

In 2 days I'm leaving this life behind. I'm moving, I'm leaving everything I built with this person so she could run off with someone else. I want her to be miserable. I want her to have to deal with what I'm going through. She isn't. She "loves" this guy (She knew him online for a couple years and met him TWICE before she gave it up and cheated on me.)

 

I just don't know what to do. The pain is too much. I should of left a year ago when she was being a brat. She has been waiting for this guy for a year! She wasn't even talking to him for a year. How is it so easy to jump like that? She doesn't know this guys every little quirk like we knew each other.

 

I just need to vent. I just need a lot of things. I don't need her, but I do at the same time. I'm such a weak human being, needing someone to be happy with myself. I told her I was losing my life when we broke up. She said "I don't want you to base your life around me." She even had some kind of "fantasy?" of how I would move to Japan and fall in love there. She already was trying to pawn me off. Maybe it was the guilt. She honestly wanted to keep us both. She didn't want to hurt us. But she chose hurting the guy that gave her 5 years of his life.

 

I'm so tired of hurting. I could just punch something. I am NOT strong right now. I even checked up on her tumblr. She hasn't been on since we broke up. Too busy having fun with her new boyfriend. I hate thinking about it.

 

That is just wrong what she did, i'd rather my ex do what she did to you so i can basically give her the middle finger and say "Your loss" than to be stuck in limbo not knowing why she left me.

 

You have closure, she left for a "better" guy in her mind. You should never think anybody is better than you. Her better guy is someone else's worse. Forget the broad. Grass is greener syndrome kills off great relationships. In relationships, 90% of the time only one partner understands what they have and the other is just looking for better and better or more fun to be had.

 

Somewhere out there, there is someone praying for a guy like you to come around. People always say women/men don't know what they want. Well that is false, they want something better and are always looking to improve there life. But what we don't know is what we need.

 

We want the best looking girls. successful, rich, fun, etc.

 

But we need love, Affection, someone that listens, someone that has your best interest over their own, someone that loves you unconditionally, loyalty, etc.

 

But needs are always taken from granted. We don't understand the importance of the little things because we are used to them. Food, Shelter and Air.We begin to take these for granted just because we have become accustomed to having them daily and we begin to feel that it will always be like this.

 

But then when you move onto the best looking guy or girl and they lack all of these key things that we need, we begin to starve and crave it again.

 

Style over substance.

 

When that rich, handsome, fun dude cheats on her and does not show love and care, then she will feel empty and regretful knowing that she made a huge mistake.

 

No one knows what they have until they lose it.

 

A camel and a horse:

 

A horse is faster and more beautiful but will not stick by your side and are dumb as a rock . But a camel is the most loyal creature on earth, durable, intellegent and will never leave your side.

 

Let her go off with this guy. He is the horse, in her eyes he is the obvious choice but when his horse like tendencies show, she will want the good ole' reliable camel back.

 

Bad analogy but you get the point.

[supaflyz]

Hey man I think you should get off those dating websites for now. They could be depressing at times. It would only make you feel worse. Your ex is a terrible person. Geez talking and waiting for someone for a year while with you. At least be honest and say she isn't happy. The people on here are very nice. They will help you through your situation. Just stick with no contact. You are doing a good thing right now by starting no contact right off the bat.

[Ireallydontknow]

I wouldn't be able to do the NC if it wasn't for you guys. I'll tell a little story. We had a problem like this a year ago. "I love you I'm just not sure I'm in love with you anymore." At that point she said it was some of my mental issues making her upset along with my extreme sarcasm. We had a nasty drug habit too with some really dangerous drugs also. I left that night, she called me back "I MISS YOU COME BACK." I pick her up "This doesn't mean were getting back together."

 

Well we kind of make up and are back together. She starts telling me "I love you" again. A month later she calls me up drunk "____ I feel funny...I can't be with you." I begged,pleaded, and eventually just gave up and accepted it. I figured she was doing this for another guy and I was write. I got on her computer and she told this guy she's loved him for a long time. He said it back, I was pissed!

 

She shows up at the house drunk, looking a mess, trying to get her stuff so she can go over to new dudes house. We argue and she tells me she loves him and leaves. An hour later she is back, crying, apparently new dude had moved on from her when she didn't talk to him for a month while we worked stuff out. I'm such a nice guy, I didn't rub it in her face, and I tried to comfort her. "This doesn't change us." is what she said before sleeping.

 

So I'm finally ready to go. I'm packing my stuff and she comes into the room. I told her, "I don't want to fight, just let me go." She pulls me closer and whispers "Please, don't go." Oh my God! I was ecstatic, looking back I was STUPID. We worked on our stuff for about a year. That same guy messages her one day out of the blue and then she started acting funny.

 

Now I'm here with so much pain, suffering, regret, and anger.

 

I couldn't of done full NC. I would of did what I just described in that story. I don't doubt she still loves me. I could of gotten her to stay with nostalgia. This time I left, it was mutual, she cheated, I extended an olive branch. I offered her couples therapy. So if it wasn't for you guys I don't know what I would do~

 

Thanks for reading this.

[unexpectedlyhere]

You're doing really well. You're only on day 5. You will have rough days again but you'll get out of this.

 

What you're feeling is very natural, try to let the feelings pass and concentrate on yourself instead. How liberating single life is

[Misfortune]

I wish I could leave where I am for somewhere new; no money. Life sucks. It seems like the only way to prosper is to use/screw people over. Nice people finish last and all that jazz. It is what is, right? I'm finally staring to make lemonade out of these lemons I've been handed.

[forgetmenot75]

I'm really sorry you're suffering. I feel your pain.

you must stay strong though. Do not initiate contact with her, ever again.

she is not in love with you anymore right now, and you need to understand she is with someone else.

[Waynester]

Its tough my friend..really tough, but you are talking to fellow sufferers of the same empty, sick, scared, angry, weak..pain!!

NC is the way forward, you know it.. we ALL know it, just putting it into practice is the hardest thing in the world to actually do.

We put ourselves through so much suffering, basically destroying ourselves with thoughts of the past. Our over active imaginations see our ex's holding hands with their new beau's.. cuddling, kissing...& worst of all, having sex! There is no way to describe the emptiness this makes you feel..unless you have gone through similar.

 

Advice: As has already been given by many others on here.. the advice offered is fantastic. Just to know that someone feels you, understands your pain..is a start to the healing process.

I have said this before, losing a loved partner of 'X' years together.. being dumped & discarded just like rubbish/garbage is as difficult & the emotions are as powerful as actually suffering a bereavement. You have lost the love of your life, your friend..your future.

 

But like death.. we have to move on, we have to keep going. Curling up & dying is not an option!

 

Keep going nc, keep coming to read here.. & help others if you feel you can! I have found just helping others with any advice I have (even if not the greatest..such as here) can help with my own pain & feeling of loss.

 

I lost my 12 year partner, 8 of those married 3 1/2 years ago.. she cheated & said 'we're over 4 days after arriving back home from our big holiday to Disney Florida.

She wanted the holiday first..once over, then dump me.

I spent 18 months on my own..deliberately, then approx 2 years ago met a girl who has captured my heart & soul. I swore I would never go through this pain again, but...here I am being told 'my love for you is less..I am just cooler with you at the moment'

And so it seems.. history is repeating itself..& I am hurting.

But I found LS & its stories & advice have started to really help.. I have no idea what the next few days will bring..increased pain I'm sure, but I plan on staying around here. Like you, I need some support & advice.

 

Apologies for the long response. Sometimes just writing feelings out loud..so to speak, can also help with the healing process.

 

Good luck