GG3 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I dated my ex for about five years. We had a lot of problems. One of our biggest problems was his very close "friend" that the entire office for years has thought was sleeping with him. I worked in the same office and that is how we met. She was and still is married with a young child. When he and I got serious, she was constantly upset, always chasing after him and creating dramas that she "needed to have lunch and talk." She would try to show up wherever we were on weekends. I can recall one lunch she was in tears because I came to lunch with them. If you ask him about it, he continues to uphold "she's a really good friend and you are just jealous." Her behavior was over the top and ridiculous. Her marriage was always rocky and at one point her husband was cheating on her. I do wonder if her husband was treating her like crap first...or if he was reacting to her always chasing after my ex. Who knows what the truth is. I was with him so much during those times, I know they were not sleeping together at night or anything. We practically lived together. If they were doing things, they had to have been doing it during lunch or on worktrips. Towards the end of our relationship he agreed to not tell her things about me anymore. They spent most of their lunches "venting" about each other's partners and flirting a lot. She knew EVERYTHING about our relationship and me and it seemed like they spent WAY too much time talking about me. Two people from work had came to me telling me that she told them the things he tells her. I was pissed of course and told him to stop telling her stuff. I know for a fact he stuck to it, because she complained to me and was upset. Obviously our relationship was very unhealthy and it didn't last. At the end of the relationship she had quit speaking to him altogether because I wouldn't allow him to go to her house to help with a handyman job. (Her husband wasn't enough!) Fast forward three years later, he and I had finally come to a place in our lives where we could be friends. It had been going really well. I have no desire to ever be with him again. The attraction part for me died a long time ago and I have no feelings for him like that. I had moved away for a job and had a really hard time with it and moved back and he was my "friend" through that. He talked me through some tough times and I really didn't have very many people I felt comfortable talking to. Well I guess I chose poorly. So for whatever reason, he tells me a week ago that he wanted me to know that the two of them were talking a lot again and he didn't want to hide that from me. That he wanted to be able to tell me about things going on in his life. I was upset. I would rather not know. I figured they probably renewed their friendship but I'd rather be in the dark about it. Well it turns out he was telling her ALL about me again. That I moved...that I moved back and just everything that goes on with me. I've been really upset about it. He told me that he can't not tell her when he talks to me or sees me. We had met up for dinner a few times. He said, "When she asks me what I did last night...what am I supposed to tell her?" I said, "She isn't your wife or girlfriend. Why would you have to tell her anything?" He said, "She's my friend. I can't not tell her." I feel like I have no choice but to quit speaking to him. Otherwise he will tell her everything I ever share with him and then she goes to work and basically gossips about me. I asked at least 5 times to please not tell her about me and he said he can't. I do NOT understand how this woman has such a hold on him. She's married. She and her husband almost divorced a few years ago and I was shocked that my ex and her didn't finally become a couple. I don't know if she was still mad at him because of me or if something else was going on. I feel like she's trying to control any friendship I have with him. I'm his ex and he's not allowed to meet for dinner without telling her? WTF. Why don't these two just become a couple and get it over with? Why screw with other people like that? I felt like he in a subtle way told me he is "with" her or something.
Quiet Storm Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Stop blaming her. He is the one choosing to be friends with her. She's not controlling your friendship. She has control over herself. He has control over himself. You have control over yourself. You can't pick his friends or her friends. You can pick your own friends, though. So if you don't want him running his mouth about you- end your friendship with him. My guess is that they are in an affair. I don't think she would have cried over your friendship if it was only platonic. I don't think this guy is your friend. I think he is using you in order to make her jealous. I think he's mad that she won't leave her marriage, upset that she still sleeps with her husband, or some other reason- and you are his passive aggressive way of getting back at her. You are a pawn in whatever sick game they are playing with each other. He is clearly shown you where his loyalty lies. Are you sure you need a friend like him? 1
Author GG3 Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 I don't think this guy is your friend. I think he is using you in order to make her jealous. I think he's mad that she won't leave her marriage, upset that she still sleeps with her husband, or some other reason- and you are his passive aggressive way of getting back at her. You are a pawn in whatever sick game they are playing with each other. He is clearly shown you where his loyalty lies. Are you sure you need a friend like him? Wow. I feel stupid that I never even thought of that. Good point.
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