Mik12 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Hi everybody, I use to come around here about 3 years ago when my first relationship had ended. I posted under a different name but it was pretty bad back then.. took me at least 1 1/2 years to get over it and it was really rough. I then found another girl and things were really good up untill recently, about 3 months ago she started questioning our relationship and told me she didn'T feel the butterflies anymore. I then proceded to put more effort into the relationship by taking her out more and trying to be more confident, things were going well and we had an amazing summer but today she tells me she doesn't think she sees a future and that maybe we should take a break. I tried talking her out of it but she says that she thinks her mind is made up despite the fact that she still loves me. Needless to say I got completely blindsided, I did not expect this at all apart from this weekend which didn't go so well becaues I can be quite abraisive sometimes. She can't really put her finger on what's wrong but i'm pretty sure its my fault, I can be very negative and pessimistic, I also like to argue with anyone about everything and I can also be very impuslive... I really wish I wasnt that way but I think it has something to do with my insecurities. I can also be needy and I hate that about myself, sometimes i'll act more like a girl then her (no sexism intended) and I know that it's a huge turnoff for women. Anyway this sucks, I really don't know what to do, I read everything about NC back then but it didn't work with the ex so i'm not sure about what I should do... This morning I told her I loved her and that she meant the world to me and it touched her but we haven't spoken since then. (P.S. we've been together for 2 years) Any help is appreciated, thanks. 1
Angry bird Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 You are who you are, and you shouldn't be ashamed of it. If you want change, then change, but not for anyone else but yourself healing takes time. Be gentle and good to yourself 3
SadnessMadness Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 (edited) Hi everybody, I use to come around here about 3 years ago when my first relationship had ended. I posted under a different name but it was pretty bad back then.. took me at least 1 1/2 years to get over it and it was really rough. I then found another girl and things were really good up untill recently, about 3 months ago she started questioning our relationship and told me she didn'T feel the butterflies anymore. I then proceded to put more effort into the relationship by taking her out more and trying to be more confident, things were going well and we had an amazing summer but today she tells me she doesn't think she sees a future and that maybe we should take a break. I tried talking her out of it but she says that she thinks her mind is made up despite the fact that she still loves me. Needless to say I got completely blindsided, I did not expect this at all apart from this weekend which didn't go so well becaues I can be quite abraisive sometimes. She can't really put her finger on what's wrong but i'm pretty sure its my fault, I can be very negative and pessimistic, I also like to argue with anyone about everything and I can also be very impuslive... I really wish I wasnt that way but I think it has something to do with my insecurities. I can also be needy and I hate that about myself, sometimes i'll act more like a girl then her (no sexism intended) and I know that it's a huge turnoff for women. Anyway this sucks, I really don't know what to do, I read everything about NC back then but it didn't work with the ex so i'm not sure about what I should do... This morning I told her I loved her and that she meant the world to me and it touched her but we haven't spoken since then. (P.S. we've been together for 2 years) Any help is appreciated, thanks. From reading your post, i don't want to sound like a douche but just move on. She obviously was in it for the thrill that you guys had and now that it is gone she wants to be gone too. She never was in love with you, she was in LUST with you. She loved the thrill and the fun aspect of being with you and the new boyfriend feel. Once that has gone, she sees no reason to stay. Girls like that will bail out on you without warning or reason. She either found someone that she feels would be cool to be with or she is searching for him right now. I recommend sending this text: "(NAME), I'm sorry for pressuring you to feel the same way i felt, i had a great time with you and i don't regret being with you AT ALL. Take care of yourself, (nickname you had for her if not then just her normal name here)." Then do not send anything else, no contact after that even if she responds. But i think she will comeback fairly soon by the way you described her, she seems unsure of what she wants to do right now. You have 2 years with her so if she starts something new she would have to start from scratch, with you she has tons of memories and experiences. Just no contact her and i feel she will eventually crawl back, but when she does, do not take her back immediately. Make her work for you like she did when you guys first started dating. Show her that she is not your reason for living and that you are not faded by her. Make her earn it all back. Make her change her sleezy ways in order to be with you and not the other way around. Edited August 14, 2013 by SadnessMadness 1
Misfortune Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Hi everybody, I use to come around here about 3 years ago when my first relationship had ended. I posted under a different name but it was pretty bad back then.. took me at least 1 1/2 years to get over it and it was really rough. I then found another girl and things were really good up untill recently, about 3 months ago she started questioning our relationship and told me she didn'T feel the butterflies anymore. I then proceded to put more effort into the relationship by taking her out more and trying to be more confident, things were going well and we had an amazing summer but today she tells me she doesn't think she sees a future and that maybe we should take a break. I tried talking her out of it but she says that she thinks her mind is made up despite the fact that she still loves me. Needless to say I got completely blindsided, I did not expect this at all apart from this weekend which didn't go so well becaues I can be quite abraisive sometimes. She can't really put her finger on what's wrong but i'm pretty sure its my fault, I can be very negative and pessimistic, I also like to argue with anyone about everything and I can also be very impuslive... I really wish I wasnt that way but I think it has something to do with my insecurities. I can also be needy and I hate that about myself, sometimes i'll act more like a girl then her (no sexism intended) and I know that it's a huge turnoff for women. Anyway this sucks, I really don't know what to do, I read everything about NC back then but it didn't work with the ex so i'm not sure about what I should do... This morning I told her I loved her and that she meant the world to me and it touched her but we haven't spoken since then. (P.S. we've been together for 2 years) Any help is appreciated, thanks. Sorry you're here again. All I can say is to follow the advice that you were given during your first break up. I'm sure it's all the same that is still given today. What works for some, doesn't work for all. She's not your other ex so who knows what might work to bring her back to you. It's easy to blame ourselves for things when they end but, it takes two. The good/bad in the relationship was not caused by you alone. 1
Author Mik12 Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 Thanks for the replies everyone, to my surprise she called tonight after work and did not sound like someone that wanted to break up.. she asked me if she thought we should take a break or not. I said that I didn't believe in breaks but that I loved her and still wanted a future with her, but that I also needed to protect myself by giving her space. I told her if she realized that love is not always about butterflies she could call me and she said that we should sleep on it. Was that ok?
Misfortune Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Thanks for the replies everyone, to my surprise she called tonight after work and did not sound like someone that wanted to break up.. she asked me if she thought we should take a break or not. I said that I didn't believe in breaks but that I loved her and still wanted a future with her, but that I also needed to protect myself by giving her space. I told her if she realized that love is not always about butterflies she could call me and she said that we should sleep on it. Was that ok? I think that was good. Wish I could've been cool and collected like you when things went south for me. Live, Love and learn. 1
Inviv_girl Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 I'm sorry you back here again man, this girl sounds confused and not sure what she's doing. She might be looking for someone new or want explore new thing with someone else or already with someone else. If she makes it clear she doesn't want to be with you anymore then let her. Don't be someone else's doormat, don't let yourself to be used whenever she wants you and if she doesn't want you she just left. You have to be careful and be wise. I know its easier said than done, and I know it's hurt. I, also here because I'm hurt.
Author Mik12 Posted August 15, 2013 Author Posted August 15, 2013 I'm sorry you back here again man, this girl sounds confused and not sure what she's doing. She might be looking for someone new or want explore new thing with someone else or already with someone else. If she makes it clear she doesn't want to be with you anymore then let her. Don't be someone else's doormat, don't let yourself to be used whenever she wants you and if she doesn't want you she just left. You have to be careful and be wise. I know its easier said than done, and I know it's hurt. I, also here because I'm hurt. I hear what you're saying and I agree but at the same time I'm afraid to make the wrong move, what if she starts thinking I'm not fighting enough for her and that maybe she shouldn't fight for us either. It's a real tricky situation but for now I will keep doing NC as it's only been 2 days... Should I contact her after a while, write her a letter or wait for her to contact me?
Author Mik12 Posted August 17, 2013 Author Posted August 17, 2013 Well , I'm gonna call her, this is completely ridiculous I don't even know where we stand... I told her I'd give her a few days to think things over thinking it would maker her miss me and realize she'S ready to put in the effort but I still haven't hear anything. We haven'T spoken since tuesday night and I need to know where we stand so I can at least move on... Am I being too rash? Should I give her a little more time?
ViciousCycle Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Don't do it. You do know where you stand. She's not fully into you and she wants to, at a minimum, entertain the idea of other guys. You've said where you stand and that is what matters. You need to have a backbone at this point. She definitely won't respect you if you don't stick to what you said.
Author Mik12 Posted August 17, 2013 Author Posted August 17, 2013 Well she just texted me to tell me she'd call me tonight. This is probably to confirm that we're trully done. I still cant believe it after the summer we just had, it amazes me how you never see these things coming.
Author Mik12 Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 Ok so to make a long story short I posted my story here recently but I failed to mention a few important elements. Basically we were together for over 2 years, she said she wasn'T so sure anymore (no cheating or neglect on my part), I gave her space for 5 days and that's when she told me she thought it would be best if we broke up. The whole thing was very wishy washy and she did not seem sure at all, almost like she was convincing herself and this is coming from some of her bestfriends. So basically that was 2 weeks ago, since then it's been total NC but i've heard from some people that she's still confused and having a much harder time dealing with it than she thought. Now one thing that I haven't mentioned is that we bought a dog together, at first this was supposed to be MY dog but I then agreed that it could be our dog and that in the eventuality that we broke up whoever dumped the other would relinquish ownership of the dog. I only did this so that she could feel some sense of security and now it's completely backfired because she is refusing to give me the dog. I fully intend to get the dog back even if it means going to court (as I understand it a verbal agreement is admissible in court). The problem is with her being so confused I don'T want to jeopoardize her chance of possibly coming back but at the same time I don'T want to be in limbo for the next months! The way I see it there are 2 possibilities: 1) I break NC now tell her I want the dog back and am willing to engage in legal procedings and get on with my life ASAP. 2) I wait it out a little more since it has only been 2 weeks (possibly 2 more weeks) and I see how it plays out. I should also point out that we left on good terms and that I didn't do the whole needy begging ex boyfriend thing. Like I said I don'T want to screw up my chances but I don't want to be in limbo indefinitely and I miss my dog! Thanks in advance for any advice.
JDPT Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Regardless of this being an amicable split, you should begin by accepting the fact that the relationship has come to a hault. Keeping hope specially in this case can be extremely detrimental to you and your healing process. A pup is something substantial to right for specially of you had a prior verbal agreement that you intend to enforce. Make your intentions clear and straight to the point but by all means do not use this as an excuse to contact her in order to "work" things out.
Dreamer100 Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Do the no contact for a couple more weeks. Let everything completely simmer down. If then, she hasn't been in touch, get in toug with her calmly about the dog. Explain things to her in a non angry way and don't suggest anything about getting back together. I think a month should give her time to come round and miss you etc so maybe once you contact her, she will relish the opportunity to talk to you. Having said that, it can talk longer for people to be able to identify their true feelings for somebody.
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Let it go.....heal yourself first.
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Hi everybody, I use to come around here about 3 years ago when my first relationship had ended. I posted under a different name but it was pretty bad back then.. took me at least 1 1/2 years to get over it and it was really rough. I then found another girl and things were really good up untill recently, about 3 months ago she started questioning our relationship and told me she didn'T feel the butterflies anymore. I then proceded to put more effort into the relationship by taking her out more and trying to be more confident, things were going well and we had an amazing summer but today she tells me she doesn't think she sees a future and that maybe we should take a break. I tried talking her out of it but she says that she thinks her mind is made up despite the fact that she still loves me. Needless to say I got completely blindsided, I did not expect this at all apart from this weekend which didn't go so well becaues I can be quite abraisive sometimes. She can't really put her finger on what's wrong but i'm pretty sure its my fault, I can be very negative and pessimistic, I also like to argue with anyone about everything and I can also be very impuslive... I really wish I wasnt that way but I think it has something to do with my insecurities. I can also be needy and I hate that about myself, sometimes i'll act more like a girl then her (no sexism intended) and I know that it's a huge turnoff for women. Anyway this sucks, I really don't know what to do, I read everything about NC back then but it didn't work with the ex so i'm not sure about what I should do... This morning I told her I loved her and that she meant the world to me and it touched her but we haven't spoken since then. (P.S. we've been together for 2 years) Any help is appreciated, thanks. Does your ex really believe that people meet, fall in love, have butterflies their entire life?? Life is damned hard work, as are relationships. They get hard they get easier but the butterflies don't last forever. Find someone who has a more realistic view on life because your ex sounds like a child. I'm sorry your sad though x
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