missconfused123 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 So, lately things have been bad in my marriage for some time. I've been married almost 5 years and I don't see a future with my husband anymore. I've been picking up all the slack and he has little ambition or motivation to change his problems. Long story short, I am done with it all and have been considering moving out for awhile. There was a guy I used to work and that I have liked for awhile now. He has a girlfriend and two kids with her. We're both feeling lonely and for awhile I have suspected he's interested in me as I am in him. I have such a strong desire to be with someone else and I have told my husband how I felt. (That I plan to go out and meet people as I have been unhappy for awhile). We've been sticking together because it's hard financially. But this other guy I really like wants to take it further and have something with me. I know it sounds terrible, but this might make me do what it takes and finally move out. I've been so undecided on divorce, but I've been thinking about it for awhile as I am just so confused right now.
Pierre Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 So, lately things have been bad in my marriage for some time. I've been married almost 5 years and I don't see a future with my husband anymore. I've been picking up all the slack and he has little ambition or motivation to change his problems. Long story short, I am done with it all and have been considering moving out for awhile. There was a guy I used to work and that I have liked for awhile now. He has a girlfriend and two kids with her. We're both feeling lonely and for awhile I have suspected he's interested in me as I am in him. I have such a strong desire to be with someone else and I have told my husband how I felt. (That I plan to go out and meet people as I have been unhappy for awhile). We've been sticking together because it's hard financially. But this other guy I really like wants to take it further and have something with me. I know it sounds terrible, but this might make me do what it takes and finally move out. I've been so undecided on divorce, but I've been thinking about it for awhile as I am just so confused right now. A disenchanted married woman is ideal for a man looking to have extramarital sex. And you think you are in a mess now? Wait till you fall in love with the OM and he throws you under the bus. Your current discomfort will be nothing compared to the massive pain you will experience. Secondly, you will hurt the wife and kids of OM if you sleep with him. You could always date a single guy. As of now you are prime beef for an OM on the prowl. You show all the signs of a potential OW. In any event is up to you. 1
Author missconfused123 Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 A disenchanted married woman is ideal for a man looking to have extramarital sex. And you think you are in a mess now? Wait till you fall in love with the OM and he throws you under the bus. Your current discomfort will be nothing compared to the massive pain you will experience. Secondly, you will hurt the wife and kids of OM if you sleep with him. You could always date a single guy. As of now you are prime beef for an OM on the prowl. You show all the signs of a potential OW. In any event is up to you. The OM is not married, but he lives with his girlfriend and kids. He said he doesn't feel wanted by his GF.
GorillaTheater Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 1. File for divorce before seeking another relationship. 2. Don't bust up an existing relationship while seeking another relationship. And of course, his gf "doesn't understand" him either, I'd bet. 2
skywriter Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 When you say this guy you like wants to take it further? what does further mean to you and what do you want?
Pierre Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 The OM is not married, but he lives with his girlfriend and kids. He said he doesn't feel wanted by his GF. Living with GF and two kids is a common law marriage. I suggest you get a divorce and date single men. Why bring all this chaos to your life? You need to talk to the countless OWs that did as you plan to do. The line you OM used is very old, but it seems to work quite well. Seriously, these men will say anything to get in your pants. I understand some women think this is flattering, but in reality it is not. 1
Pierre Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 When you say this guy you like wants to take it further? what does further mean to you and what do you want? He wants to have sex with her. OP is enthralled with the attention because she gets zero attention at home. 1
Author missconfused123 Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 (edited) It was mostly just talk. He said he wasn't feeling wanted, but would feel too guilty if he cheated on his GF. I agreed. I told him if we were both single, I'd ask him out, but until when or if that ever happens...nothing is going to happen between us. I wouldn't be comfortable until I was at least legally separated from my H. Even then, I don't want a serious commitment for awhile if I filed for a D. He also has two young kids and since we're 7 years apart, I wouldn't want to get serious with him for some time even if we're both single. I'm not ready for kids. I think he was looking for FWB, which I don't mind if I were single as I don't see myself being seriously committed to anyone else anytime soon if I file for D. Edited August 14, 2013 by missconfused123
skywriter Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 It was mostly just talk. He said he wasn't feeling wanted, but would feel too guilty if he cheated on his GF. I agreed. I told him if we were both single, I'd ask him out, but until when or if that ever happens...nothing is going to happen between us. I wouldn't be comfortable until I was at least legally separated from my H. Even then, I don't want a serious commitment for awhile if I filed for a D. He also has two young kids and since we're 7 years apart, I wouldn't want to get serious with him for some time even if we're both single. I'm not ready for kids. I think he was looking for FWB, which I don't mind if I were single as I don't see myself being seriously committed to anyone else anytime soon if I file for D. ...and I understand what you are saying missconfused123. Just tread lightly, this is experience talking to ya here. I was alone for 5 years, starting talking to a MM. The rest is history that I won't repeat. eeek! If he was looking for a FWB, gotta tell ya, someone may benefit, but it probably won't be you. Once you get past the physical excitement, then your emotions come into play, things get messy from there. I'd come out of a 17 yr marriage, said, "oh, I'm not looking for anything serious". Uh huh, yea right... We were seven yrs apart too. XMM wasn't wanting anything serious either. However, he compartmentalised much better than I did. In fact, he was seriously looking...at me, and many others, including the wife.
affairaddict Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Ugh. The ones who talk about their Relationships are the worst. How very disrespectful. You don't want a man like that. Ignore him before your swept away in to the cyclone and fog! 1
Pierre Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 I think he was looking for FWB, which I don't mind if I were single as I don't see myself being seriously committed to anyone else anytime soon If I had a dime for every OW who said that I would be a wealthy man. Most of the OWs that started this way fell madly in love with OM. Don't kid yourself!
Ladydrib Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 The OM is not married, but he lives with his girlfriend and kids. He said he doesn't feel wanted by his GF. What a bunch of crap. He already has commitment issues. Can't you see that? You're going to regret it if you get involved with this loser.
Author missconfused123 Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 I agree, thanks for the advice. Although, I'm no saint...I refrained for nearly 2 years telling this guy I liked him because I respected that he is with someone else with two kids. I was shocked and pleasantly surprised when he basically said he was interested in me too. I got caught up in the moment, being in a bad marriage and all, but realistically, I don't think this would work at all. It's hard enough that he has two kids, but I definitely don't want to get into that drama. IF I ever got together with him, there would be that concern that he would start talking about our relationship to another woman. That and I don't want to commit to someone who has no plans to marry. His reasoning for not marrying the GF is that they "haven't gotten around to it". Don't get me wrong, I want to focus on myself after being married for so long...but eventually I'd want to marry again. I don't want to be someone's GF forever.
whatatangledweb Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 File for divorce and looked for an unattached man. He will tell you whatever he thinks you want to hear. You don't want the pain from being an OW. You deserve better than that. 1
twosadthings Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 "So lately, things have been bad in my marriage for some time." What is it? Lately or for some time? Your confusion extends to the narrative of your marital timeline. You've only been married for five years and during those five years you've had feelings for someone other than your husband for two of those years. You talk about how unmotivated he is but it hardly seems likely that he would be motivated to do anything positive with someone who has been checked out of a life with him for two years. Divorce him and end the confusion. Twosadthings
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