tem7074 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I was living temporarily in Seattle in 2012, when I started seeing a woman. Although she knew I was leaving, things escalated and we developed strong feelings for each other in a couple months. After I left town we tried to keep the romance alive. But problems arose in our LDR. Because of the distance and my career, we were able to see each other about once per month, but I wasn’t able to be there for her when she needed me most. I was self-centered and insensitive at times and I ended up hurting her feelings on several occasions, though never intentionally. The challenges of the LDR seemed to be too much for us. We broke up in December 2012 and she started dating someone else. I accepted this and tried very hard to move on, but I became deeply depressed. The stress of moving home and going through a divorce (I was separated when I met her) seems to have caused me to lose confidence and self-esteem. I think I coped with this by developing a very strong emotional attachment to this girl. So losing her too was almost unbearable. I just wanted her back. Eventually, she did come back to me, sort of. She broke off her new relationship. She told me that she still loves me. Although we both agreed that we couldn’t go back to a LDR, we started seeing each other again anyway. But things started going sour. Visits have become emotional roller coasters since there are no concrete plans to close the distance (I have been actively seeking a job, but I didn’t want to drop my career and move out there without one). She has started seeing some other people, although we continued seeing each other, and she has been a little secretive about it. This has caused me to feel very jealous and insecure. During my last visit I acted on my jealous feelings, which caused a lot of damage. She is angry and has lost respect for me. She still has feelings for me, but we argue frequently now. Yesterday we decided to try 2 weeks no contact to stop the arguing and for her to try to forgive me for recent mistakes. But I think the 2 week break is really the beginning of the end this time. I love her so much and want to move there to be with her, but I might have made too many mistakes. I am very disappointed in my behavior. I realize that I need to work on myself - alot. Should I continue no contact indefinitely beyond the two weeks, or to see if we can salvage this? Her interest level is no doubt quite low at the moment. I am having trouble coping with this. I know that my happiness should not depend on her, but it is hard. The emotional attachment is very strong. I am hoping that the feedback I get from this community can help guide me through the tough days ahead. Thanks.
Author tem7074 Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 So after 1 day she texted "I miss u". This morning I texted back "I miss you too. Feeling less angry?". No response. Ugh.
jonsnuh Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 Personally I'd go NC. At this point the damage is done and it's up to her to decide whether she wants you back or not. Do NOT make yourself seem like a doormat and do NOT make her feel like you are any more clingy or insecure than you seem to her already.
Author tem7074 Posted August 15, 2013 Author Posted August 15, 2013 yeah, she eventually texted me back that she isn't even thinking about us right now. She's concerned about a job search and going back to school. On top of that she had a bad day at the college getting confusing advice. That's pretty telling - her mind isn't on me at all, while I am thinking way too much about her. I just said that I'm still supportive and she can talk to me about it if she wants to. She didn't call. Perhaps that was doormat behavior on my part. I know these little exchanges are not going to get me anywhere. I know that trying to fix things can make them worse. But I tried anyway. My mind agrees with NC, but my heart doesn't of course. Just have to be strong, let her contact me, and prepare for the worst (which is maybe for the best). Thing is, when we started dating she was the clingy and needy one. I remember that being a bit of a turn-off. The tables got turned, somehow. Still trying to figure out why.
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