Do guys really like 'the chase'?

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

So because I constantly hear how guys like 'the chase', I let them chase me even though it's against my personality (I am normally very proactive in organizing my social life and very friendly/effusive, so find it hard to 'play it cool').

 

This means I never initiate contact after dates even if I really like somebody - partly because I'm told they like to 'drive' in this way, and partly because if they follow up, I have the reassurance that they're definitely interested (which is obviously never certain if I take the lead).

 

My question is - when do guys stop enjoying the chase? Once you're past the first few dates, should the playing field be a bit more level? Should we take it in turns a bit more in terms of follow up? I'm talking about once you're on date 6/7, so beyond that initial 1/2/3 date uncertainty.

 

I don't want to be needlessly gameplaying and hard work but I also don't want to spoil a guy's fun/emasculate him if chasing is something he expects and wants to do.

 

Thanks!

 

The chase bores me now for the most part. My loss of interest in it happened in the last year or so.

 

I'm 26.

[Babolat]

I LOVE the chase. I get my share of attention from woman, making it obvious, and I don't find that attractive at all.

 

I want to pursue a woman though eventually I do need some feedback to keep me going...little hints are very attractive.

[Babolat]

Actually that's exactly what he had to do. While performing rocket surgery.

 

Yeah, he just wanted to play with those squeaky toys though! I would work my arse off for that!

[BeholdtheMan]

I'm told they like to 'drive' in this way

Who tells you this? Crazy cat ladies?

 

My question is - when do guys stop enjoying the chase?

Once we realise you never initiate contact...

[CrystalCastles]

As a woman, I personally hate games.

 

I love being chased, and I love chasing. Yes I've been rejected, and it's nbd, I do get a bit disappointed but hey, there's always plenty of fish in the sea.

 

However, if a guy is chasing me and I'm not interested, I make that very clear. I would absolutely hate the guy's guts if I was chasing him and he was playing mind games with me but wasn't actually interested. I've rarely had to outright tell anyone that I'm not interested (usually it's because the guy is being very persistent, and I'm pushing him away as hard as I can and he just doesn't get it). I do get chased quite a bit actually, and guys check me out on the bus, and I've lost count of the number of times a guy has told me I'm pretty. So it's given me opportunity to practice showing a guy that I'm not interested in a sensitive way.

 

A friend of mine liked to play with her men, men who fell hard for her but she wasn't interested in them. They'd chase her for months, sometimes years. It was cruel of her, especially seeing how entertained she was.

 

Chasing requires energy expenditure. It really really sucks if you're going after someone who is pretending to like you back, because you could have spent that energy on someone more worthwhile.

[Skyraider829]

As a woman, I personally hate games.

 

I love being chased, and I love chasing. Yes I've been rejected, and it's nbd, I do get a bit disappointed but hey, there's always plenty of fish in the sea.

 

However, if a guy is chasing me and I'm not interested, I make that very clear. I would absolutely hate the guy's guts if I was chasing him and he was playing mind games with me but wasn't actually interested. I've rarely had to outright tell anyone that I'm not interested (usually it's because the guy is being very persistent, and I'm pushing him away as hard as I can and he just doesn't get it). I do get chased quite a bit actually, and guys check me out on the bus, and I've lost count of the number of times a guy has told me I'm pretty. So it's given me opportunity to practice showing a guy that I'm not interested in a sensitive way.

 

A friend of mine liked to play with her men, men who fell hard for her but she wasn't interested in them. They'd chase her for months, sometimes years. It was cruel of her, especially seeing how entertained she was.

 

Chasing requires energy expenditure. It really really sucks if you're going after someone who is pretending to like you back, because you could have spent that energy on someone more worthwhile.

 

The chase is enjoyable - and sort of suspenseful at first when there aren't too many indications but after some time passes, there needs to be a level of confirmation on her part in regard to my advances for me to keep it up. Just a little, tiny bit. Enough so its not ambiguous or perplexing but lightly blatant - enough to get the message across. Once I get that, I'll continue on with the chase as it only adds to the fun. This applies to a girl that I romantically like, not one I'm wanting to get know as a friend of course.

 

Then there is the peculiar case where the girl makes it seem like she only wants to be friends but wants to be more than that with a guy. And then either of these things happens:

 

(1): The guy has no clue what's going on "behind the scenes" with her so he treats her like a potential friend and no more. Somehow, the girl gets the idea her plan is not working and changes her tactic or gets discouraged ironically enough and abandons the endeavor.

 

(2): The girl is apparently sending "let's be friends" signals only although she means more than that. Naturally with some of us males, as you would expect, the guy receives the "let's be friends and no more" message improperly and chalks it up to possible romance which is actually in line with what the girl really means. But when he makes it known to her, she backs off completely.

[phineas]

The chase.

sure, like a robot I can send out a text once a week asking out every woman "pretending" not to like me hoping i've eventually hit her requisit number of attempts.

 

Or I could expend time & energy on women who actually reciprocate my interest.

 

I can go either way at this point.

[rocksteady85]

What I define as the "chase" isn't really chasing the woman because she's playing hard to get. What all the books and guides and stuff mean by "the chase" is showing interest and initiating the opportunity for the girl reciprocate interest. This is a perfect time to figure out what kind of interest - is she mentally stable and emotionally available? Won't know 100% (I'm a magnet for mental illness apparently.. I tend to the date the crazies who throw fishbowls [the alcoholic kind] across a bar.) but it's a good basis. Does she get super clingy? Is she showing signs of neediness? Does she have her own interests and hobbies to keep herself occupied or are you her only source of happiness because she's constantly texting or calling you.

 

The chase is also not slacking off to keep the girl interested. We want you to pick US, ladies. Not them. It's not about playing hard to get, but if we're not #1 or could lose our position at #1 (before it's a relationship), then yeah, we're going to pursue to keep you interested, as long as you are interested.