Cavendish Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 So because I constantly hear how guys like 'the chase', I let them chase me even though it's against my personality (I am normally very proactive in organizing my social life and very friendly/effusive, so find it hard to 'play it cool'). This means I never initiate contact after dates even if I really like somebody - partly because I'm told they like to 'drive' in this way, and partly because if they follow up, I have the reassurance that they're definitely interested (which is obviously never certain if I take the lead). My question is - when do guys stop enjoying the chase? Once you're past the first few dates, should the playing field be a bit more level? Should we take it in turns a bit more in terms of follow up? I'm talking about once you're on date 6/7, so beyond that initial 1/2/3 date uncertainty. I don't want to be needlessly gameplaying and hard work but I also don't want to spoil a guy's fun/emasculate him if chasing is something he expects and wants to do. Thanks!
tbf Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 It's not a one size fits all sport. It depends on what type of man meshes with what type of woman you are. If you bag an incompatible, the relationship is destined for failure. 2
Lansing Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 As a guy I feel like I need some feedback that the girl is interested. Occasional contact initiated by her (i.e. I saw this, it reminded me of you, or, I thought you would like it, or check this out, etc). Or, suggesting an event/thing that you want to go to with me (I.e. I know you have interests and aren't just going with the flow because you are bored and don't have other options). 1
Ruby Slippers Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I think it depends on the guy, but generally, yes, people tend to value more what they have to work harder to get. My boyfriend has told me he likes a challenge, and he's always preferred having to work a bit to catch the girl's interest. But then, women often make themselves available to him in obvious ways - like a woman at work rubbing his arm and saying suggestively that she loves his hairy, strong, manly arms He might not feel the same if he'd had a harder time catching women's interest.
Skyraider829 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I suppose, but I know for a fact if I do want to pursue a girl, I need some type of reassurance of reciprocal interest, or else I'll let it fade. The chase is fun, yeah, but there needs to be some level of indirect communication from the girl so I can refine my tact and plan what to do next. 2
everyusernameisinuse Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I personally don't like the chase anymore. I did when I was younger, but now I want game less dating. That's just me, probably the minority. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I'd cut a b*tch. If I lashed out at every woman who made eyes at him or flirted with him, I'd do nothing but fight all day. This is where him being such a choir boy up front is a good thing. He's aware of the attention, but mostly seems embarrassed by it. Being with him is a great exercise in trust and confidence. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 like every other female you enjoy that he's desired by others. :rolleyes: And he often points out the guys who are checking me out. We both have a cool attitude about it - "Go ahead and get an eyeful, but don't forget that he/she is mine." 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I don't like the chase at all. It's confusing and makes me second guess everything. I end up as a puddle of emotions, unsure of whether to keep pursuing or to give up... 1
will1988 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I love the chase... as long as I can sense some form of chemistry.
MrCastle Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I suppose, but I know for a fact if I do want to pursue a girl, I need some type of reassurance of reciprocal interest, or else I'll let it fade. The chase is fun, yeah, but there needs to be some level of indirect communication from the girl so I can refine my tact and plan what to do next. Exactly this. I need to see that the girl is interested in me and is worth chasing. Never initiating contact is not that imo. She'd get dropped rather quickly. 3
tbf Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I don't like the chase at all. It's confusing and makes me second guess everything. I end up as a puddle of emotions, unsure of whether to keep pursuing or to give up...If you don't enjoy the chase, then don't do it. If you chase and somehow manage to acquire, she's only going to expect that you're the type of guy who will continue initiating. If being the initiator isn't your consistent style, then of course you're not going to be able to maintain that level of energy expenditure for long term where this will confuse and can eventually create resentment. Might I suggest a two strike initiation process? If you initiate twice and she doesn't bite with return interest, then back off and look elsewhere. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 If you don't enjoy the chase, then don't do it. If you chase and somehow manage to acquire, she's only going to expect that you're the type of guy who will continue initiating. If being the initiator isn't your consistent style, then of course you're not going to be able to maintain that level of energy expenditure for long term where this will confuse and can eventually create resentment. Might I suggest a two strike initiation process? If you initiate twice and she doesn't bite with return interest, then back off and look elsewhere. Well, I'm not sure if it's because I don't like the chase or it's just in my nature to second guess everything. I really have no idea whether a woman is being responsive to my overtures or just being friendly. I guess sometimes it's obvious, but generally it's a tough thing to distinguish. So I could initiate I suppose, if I knew it was being well received and wasn't just annoying women. And if I don't initiate, I'll probably be single forever. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Not particularly. Life is too short to be playing silly games. 2
everyusernameisinuse Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Exactly this. I need to see that the girl is interested in me and is worth chasing. Never initiating contact is not that imo. She'd get dropped rather quickly. Agreed. It's confusing as hell when they respond but don't show much interest. At least be a little playful so there is some light at the end of the tunnel. 3
tbf Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Well, I'm not sure if it's because I don't like the chase or it's just in my nature to second guess everything. I really have no idea whether a woman is being responsive to my overtures or just being friendly. I guess sometimes it's obvious, but generally it's a tough thing to distinguish. So I could initiate I suppose, if I knew it was being well received and wasn't just annoying women. And if I don't initiate, I'll probably be single forever.This is why I suggested a two strike initiating process. You do need to learn to initiate but since it's not your natural style, what you need is someone who will respond in an obviously positive manner within the first couple of attempts and who will return the initiating pretty quickly. 1
Quiet Storm Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I think it depends on the guy. Men that are outgoing and confident around women seem to enjoy the chase. Men that are shy and nervous around women seem to hate the chase. 2
ThaWholigan Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 It depends on the nature of the chase. I have no shame in admitting that, while cold approaching is an art well worth acquiring, it's not always my preferred method of doing things - the chase gets good for me after the initial stages. The chase is very much a mental game that keeps me on my toes, and it's a game admittedly that I like to play. I was deathly afraid of it before, but now it's invigorating, especially when infused with intellectual foreplay. Verbal and non-verbal. A lot of guys I know like the initial approach, the thrill of a new girl, or as they sometimes crudely put it, "new pussy" . There are those who don't like it at all though - the uncertainty and anxiety of the situation takes its toll on them because they attach a great deal of meaning to the idea of a "chase". Other times, they simply don't chase - they are more primed to attract women than go out chasing. I sometimes think that I am one that draws women to me than chase them - but I believe I have the capacity to be capable of both if I need to be. Think the guys who don't like the chase should try to find ways to make it so that they can do the opposite. 1
ltjg45 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I hate the chase. If I don't get a positive vibe from a female not long after I approached, I leave her alone afterwards.
Skyraider829 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Exactly this. I need to see that the girl is interested in me and is worth chasing. Never initiating contact is not that imo. She'd get dropped rather quickly. Yep, I don't understand the ones who don't show any interest in return. You can't read minds.
crude Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I'd say most men don't like to chase. Guys have been lead on, used to make boyfriends jealous, used for free meals and trips, and dropped by silly, illogical women for no apparent reason. It's not fun to be used, played for a fool. The attitude could be defined as "no games please, don't waste my time and my money. You're not all that"
ChatroomHero Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Look at it like literally chasing someone that wants to be caught vs. chasing someone that is actually running away from you. If they are actually running away they won't slow down to look back or let you catch up. If they want to be caught they'll slow down and let you catch up. Either way if they never catch you it's just a whole lot of running and getting tired for nothing. You have to slow down sometimes and let the guy realize you want to be caught. If you don't do that, unless they are really desperate they will move on or catch up to someone else. I have come to the point where I appreciate honesty and expecting women actually live what they say they want. If say they want to meet someone or are looking to date someone, then if I ask them out and their answer is anything but "yes", it's a "no". If they are playing hard to get they can play someone else, there are plenty of women that when you ask them out will say "yes" and agree on a date and time. If you text them they will text you back at some point and have no problem showing they are interested. So if those women exist, and they do, why would I want to spend a lot of time on someone playing aloof when I could be enjoying my time better with someone just as good?
PJKino Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Good looking men who get women extremely easy like it because they get bored, guys who struggle to get any female attention and search for any signs of interest hate it
crude Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I think it depends on the guy. Men that are shy and nervous around women seem to hate the chase. I haven't noticed that at all. I see men who are strong and confident hating to chase a woman, because basically she's manipulating him and playing aloof and hard to get, while he jumps through hoops to impress the cold fish. A confident man knows he can do better than her, and he just moves on to a better woman. The games women play and the stereotypes they shove down men's throats turn off many men who view that kind of behavior as an insult to their intelligence.
sillyanswer Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 My question is - when do guys stop enjoying the chase? When I get out of breath. Or, more seriously, when it starts to look like she's just not interested. Then I'll stop and she can keep on running.
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