5y together, broke up

[blazerrr]

Hello all contributors,

 

I have been following LoveShack for 2-3 weeks now, but finally decided to register and share my story with you.

 

So first of all, I dated my girl for approx 5 years. When it all started, I was 18 and she was 16 - we were quite young. Everything started very slowly, but after 6-7 months we finally said that "I love you" stuff to eachother and were extremely happy couple.

 

However, after 1,5 years I did a horrible thing. I cheated on her and everything went downwards. I'm still regretting it, since she quickly made "revenge" for me and cheated as well.

 

I can't complain because we were both young and immature. But after 4-5 months we forgave to eachother (we were still together btw) and things started to go well again.

 

However, in the past year she wasn't really happy with me. She was still with me, but I didn't made any gifts, we didn't travel, we didn't live together, I was jobless and she probably thought that I'm a loser.

 

I took our relationship for granted and were on the same level as few years ago - nothing had been changed. It was boring and she lost attraction towards me. We only met like 2-3 times a week.

 

However, we were still extremely passionate towards eachother, we had some fights here and there etc. She was extremely love jealous even when I said that: "Wow, this girl is pretty hot".

 

Breakup phase:

 

1) At the end of June I finally got a job, started to improve myself (went to gym) etc.

 

2) At the beginning of July she started to ignore me and didn't want to meet me. I knew that something was wrong.

 

I asked: "Are we together or not?" and she replied "I don't know, I need some space. I don't want to be together with you at the moment"

 

I quickly re-asked "Are you seeing someone?" and she said "No".

 

3) Few days after that I realized that she was somewhat dating with her old friend who is much younger than she is. I went mad, said bad things about her and was completely shocked about it. Quickly after that I started to beg, please and become extremely needy. This pushed her even more far away until she blocked me on FB.

 

4) At this point I thought that the best thing to do is NC (read this on this forum). So I kept NC for a week until she asked something about how to write a resume or something like that. I couldn't manage to keep NC, so I said something like: "Look, I'm not your friend anymore. Unless you have REAL to say, please don't contact me". At this time she had already unblocked me from FB. Our "chat" was going pretty hot and she finally said that she still loves and there is no other boy in her life. We met on the very same day and she was still cold and said that she have to go and blabla so we couldn't manage to talk about our relationship much.

 

5) On the next day I saw her with his rebound guy. I went nuts about it since she told me that there is NOTHING between them. I texted her saying that she have to choose between me and him. She didn't replied. After that I sent long e-mail saying that I finally understood what I was doing wrong in our relationship and I'm already curing/improving myself. Therefore I don't want to hold contact with you anymore and said a nice goodbye for her. -

 

She answered to the e-mail, but only asked this "Are you saying that you are moving on starting to date other girls?" - I didn't answer.

 

6) 3-4 days went past and I went on a date with another girl. However, after the date I bumped together with my ex again (we live in quite small town) and she went completely crazy about it. I think she thought that I'm still missing her a lot on and starting to BEG her AGAIN, but as you can see; I really tried to move on because I was begging in the past and it didn't work much.

 

She cried a lot, said that I'm awful person and why I'm doing this just after we brokeup. I told her that you have a rebound relationship, why I can't meet other girls? Then she said that she doesn't even like the rebound guy and they just meet to have some fun. However, I know that she have kissed her so this isn't the case. There's definitely going on, but I'm not sure if my ex likes or loves him. However they are meeting on daily basis so...

 

She said that I'm her love of life, but she can't be with me at the moment because our last year was pointless and I didn't give her enough attention, we didn't meet enough (which is true actually) and I have to change more etc. I said that I can't show you that I'm changed unless you cut the contact with your rebound otherwise I'll forget you and continue dating another girls. It's just unfair.

 

We argued like 3-4 hours until we split up. At the end of the talk she said that she wanted to meet me on the next Saturday so we can go to the movies. I answered "Maybe, call me then. We'll see"

 

And that's basically it. I don't really know what the *#¤/( is going on in her head. The thing is, I really love her, but it's crazy when I know that she is hanging around with another guy. 5 years is a long time and I think there is still a lot feeling inside her. She might be insecure/confused or whatever, but this is driving me crazy.

 

Should I keep NC and forget the movie? Should I be nice to her (show that I'm changed) until she breaks down and wants to be with me again? What would you do in this kind of situation?

 

However, one thing is for sure. I will try to improve myself even more, try to fully understand why we broke up and so on so I could never make those mistakes with her or any other girl again.

 

Any suggestions/advice would be more than welcome

[Chi townD]

Well, sounds like she doesn't want you, but doesn't want you to move on either.

 

She wants you on the sidelines waiting for you while she plays the field. If anything doesn't pan out, then she has your waiting arms to come back to. But, if this rebound guy did work out, she'd toss you to the curb in a New York minute.

[SadnessMadness]

Well, sounds like she doesn't want you, but doesn't want you to move on either.

 

She wants you on the sidelines waiting for you while she plays the field. If anything doesn't pan out, then she has your waiting arms to come back to. But, if this rebound guy did work out, she'd toss you to the curb in a New York minute.

 

Monkey Barring 101: She won't completely latch off of your branch until she has a firm grip on the next.

[blazerrr]

It might be 100% true guys, but I still have guts that she have strong feelings for me.

 

And she doesn't want to show love to the rebound guy as well, not just yet at least.

 

However, I should just move and keep NC, that's basicallyit.

[Waynester]

Keep going with the NC! Look how it has given you time & the impetus to go on with your life, thus showing you are not a needy desperado..

It has also given her reason to re-evaluate her thoughts & decisions about you.

 

The phrase 'having cake & eating it' may apply here.. more time is needed to tell.

But I think keeping your distance & contact to an absolute minimum..if not zero, is the best way forward.

 

 

It is so hard though.. as I am also finding.

[blazerrr]

It's just too crazy to handle.

 

Any suggestions for heart pain`?

[Waynester]

It's just too crazy to handle.

 

Any suggestions for heart pain`?

 

 

Any distraction to keep your mind from torturing itself.. a hobby, going out with mates.

 

I got into rc model aircraft with my 13 y/o son..great fun. I also make the time to contact & catch up with old friends.

 

It doesn't cure, but it can take the edge off the worst lonely pain you are in.

 

Keep positive!

[all_cats_rgray]

I'v read alot of posts about girls vs. guys, and how they break up with ppl.

 

I hate too say this but your dating a smart one.

 

AKA a great manipulator. She got feeling guilty, about dating after a break up. When SHE broke up with you.

 

Id stand up to her and say, you left me. And started dating, (you say nothing is happening) but this is a plain sighted form of manipulation to make me jealous.

 

So you take it in face value. And start dating. If she ups her game. So shall you.

 

BUT here is the flip side.

 

She can do what she wants but you can't. ?

 

You can f.u.c.k. a backstreet ho. The day after break up. THATS WHAT A BREAK UP IS. ( not recommend, leads to s.h.i.ty feelings and a STD)

 

If she holds you to any standard after a break up, shes trying to have her cake and eat it too.

 

She wants you around. ( emotionally, friendship wise, support.)

 

I'd like to tell you this. TIME (5 years) does not mean a strong and amazing supportive relationship. People always say, "well its been 5, 6, 7 years ... shouldn't that mean we are ( great together, have something special, we are obligated to try and work things out). TIME does not = Qualify strong relationship.

 

Iv seen one year relationships stronger then my 7 year relationship that ended in f.u.c.k.ing bull****.

 

My advice is, walk away. Find someone who wants to invest in long term. Not someone that plays games. And expects you to jump to their needs when they left you.

 

Step up man. Be strong say not today. .

 

And how do you deal heart break... You push on and NC.

Edited August 15, 2013 by all_cats_rgray

[blazerrr]

Hey all_cats_rgay

 

I have to agree with you, SHE is somewhat good manipulator.

 

Maybe she is doing this only because she wants a healthy/respected relationship with me for the very last time to see if it could work out or not.

 

One thing I know for sure, she wants me to go crazy about her.

 

Right now, I'm NC-ing and she is probably confused because I have always more of a begger than alpha who cuts contact.

 

I'm already dating another chicks, posting pics to instagram etc.

 

Today I checked her tumblr blog and there were some really heavy signals that she still misses me. Some pictures or sentences like:

 

"I'll never stop loving you"

"I saw those pictures, I just acted like I didn't"

"Done with your ****"

"Sometimes I wish to know whats going on in your head"

"Get back in here, and love me"

"Every girl deserves an ex who make their ex look crazy for letting her go"

"Show him what he could have had"

"Sometimes the best way to get someones attention is to stop giving them yours"

"You have a place in my heart that no-one else could ever had"

"You are the one who I think about when I'm drunk"

 

I think SHE is playing games with me. I don't know if those sentences above are about US and OUR relationship or maybe some of them are meant for her rebound guy, but I still have some feelings that she is highly interested in me.

 

I know I shouldn't be spying on her blogs and stuff, but it's so addictive since I have to work on the laptop for 5-6 hours nonstop straight everyday

Edited August 15, 2013 by blazerrr

[Legatus]

Then toss this laptop into a sun-forgotten place and stop spying! You are just creating more questions for yourself. "Are those sentences about me", "Does it mean she wants me back", "What if they are about somebody else", "What if she does it on purpose so I come crawling".. I can go on, but it won't make you feel good, so stop doing that..

 

Take care of yourself, do what you want to do. Her life should not be any interest to you. If there's a point in time she comes back - take it with minimum emotion. Evaluate what happened after the break-up, her behaviour.

 

I believe that sometimes you learn about the person more about their behaviour after the break up.