lostsoul6486 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Hello everyone. I've been lurking through forums like this one for the past week because I'm having an issue with my girlfriend at the moment and I'm not sure what to do. I have finally decided to make a post of my own. My girlfriend and I have been dating for six months and they have been wonderful for the most part. We see each other all the time, we've taken trips together, and we generally have good communication. Last month, we had our first big fight. I won't go into details about what happened, but the fight was caused by my stupidity and it had an effect on her. The reason the fight escalated was because it was the last straw of her holding in what frustrated her about me. I'm a very introverted and quiet guy and she told me that sometimes she feels like I don't care about her. This is obviously not true and it hurt me to know she felt that way even if it was only at certain times. I told her I'd work on it and we moved on. We spent some time apart because she went to another city to visit her family for a week. While she was there, she told me that she had thoughts about how easy it would have been to cheat on me and me never knowing. She said that she hated herself for even thinking that. It's a defense mechanism of hers because of her troubled past with men. Multiple exes cheated on her multiple times. She said she could never hurt me in that way and that she felt so bad about even thinking it that she had to tell me. I told her it's ok and I thanked her for telling me. We moved on. Last week, we had another fight. She told me that she didn't want to be around me for the night so I left her house and didn't talk to her until she called me very early the next morning. We had a long conversation. She told me that she wanted to break up with me, but she didn't know how. She said that she needs to be with me and that she barely slept at all because I wasn't next to her. She said she doesn't really know what she's doing or feeling, but she knows that she needs to be with me. I told her that I love her and want to be with her too. We spent the day together and it went well. In fact, most of this week has gone well. We've seen each other every day and been together a lot. We say, "I love you," to each other like usual. I just can't shake this bad feeling in my stomach though. When we're together, I'm fine. She says she loves me and talks about how she wants to be with me forever. She says she wants to marry me some day and i believe every word. When we're apart though, I get extremely anxious. I guess the best way to put it is that I don't trust her. I don't believe what she was telling me when we were together just minutes before anymore. I feel like she's with me for the sake of not being alone until she finds someone else. She hasn't shown any telltale signs of cheating though so I feel stupid for feeling this way. The only thing that has bothered me is that she started communicating with her ex again. She never cut contact with him, but she hadn't spoken to him in a while. I feel like going and snooping through her messages but that seems stupid because I don't want to break her trust in me. I know myself and I'll find something to overreact about even if it's friendly conversation and if that happens she'll know I snooped and don't trust her and I'll be in the wrong. Even if I do find something, it's not like I could bring it up because I shouldn't be going behind her back like that in the first place. She already told me that she never meant it when she said she wanted to break up. She was just angry and going through a lot of emotions. I just want to get rid of this feeling and I don't know how to.
jphcbpa Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 how old are you two? I would think that communications starting again with the ex is a deal breaker and a huge red flag being coupled with the other information you shared.
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