HTS1977 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I am going to try and keep this short and simple with including as much details as I can. 4 years ago I divorced from my wife which I was with for 6 years, we had a lot of ups and downs, arguing, 2 children together, and mostly because of my gambling problem. I would lose rent money, move us to new places etc etc and never really stopped even though I said I would, it led to our demise and resentfulness with my exwife. Fastforward, 1 year I met a wonderful woman, had stopped gambling for the most part and everything was going very well and I fell back into my old routine of gambling and not getting help. She stuck by me for almost 3 years while I spent all of our extra money, a year ago I stopped playing all together for 6 months to try and salvage the relationship as she left for 3 days. Once again I promised to get help for my problems, and I didn't. Now after 6 months of not playing poker I went back and did the same thing again and she left for good 2 weeks ago. I now am in my own apartment, seeking gambling treatment and trying to get my life back together. I very much wish to have her back in my life as we have a 2 year old together and I am getting the help I have needed for many years. She is afraid in her heart that I will go back to doing the same thing as lies and trust is something she cannot forgive. I guess at this point, I have to accept the fact that I must make the changes I am trying to do, and if she returns to me then that is her choice. I have told her how I feel about us and the relationship and want to do everything to make it right weather we are together or not, and she is not receptive to it. I believe that I should stop talking to her about our relationship and focus on myself and that is the only way she will see that I have changed if I hope to reconcile, and if not then at least I am a better person. I will not give up hope as I know I love her truly and wish to be the person she fell in love with once again.
Author HTS1977 Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 there is a GA meeting its 17miles from me, I don't have a liscense and I work the nights it takes place...I am going through 1 on 1 counseling starting on Sept 13 was 1st day they could get me in but I am able to call everyday and try and get in earlier which is what I have been doing I am not doing this to get her back, It needs to happen if she comes back or she doesn't. I only wish I could make her understand I don't want to be this person anymore and want to make the changes for the rest of our lives and hope she wants to be a apart of it. But she needs to come to that decision on her own, I don't want to push her away but not talking to her everyday is hard, as she is pretty closed off and standoffish and bitter.
Balzac Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 You are that person because addiction has a high relapse rate. That's a fact you've got to embrace. You're seeking treatment to maintain, that's great. She needs to gain knowledge about addiction/treatment/relationships. You need to learn about codependency. It's often the dynamic that an addict cannot see the willing codependent enabler.
Author HTS1977 Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 well...slight updated, I told her that I am making changes that I need to make in my life and if she has room in her heart for me she knows where I am and I am not expecting anything from her. and I get a msg that says this: We need to cut the cord, I have moved on, Im going to take care of me and my kids. I will find someone who loves me and respects me, wont be hard. Im done, last time Im going to say or think about it. I guess there is no saving this relationship if she feels this way still after 2 weeks, as she gave me a chance last October and I failed
lylat333 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like you have become very sincere about overcoming this issue that has had a negative impact on your life. I'm going through my own heartache right now, so I know it's not easy but what I do know is that the most important thing is to take care of yourself before hoping to be a part of a healthy relationship. If you can overcome this, you will be a better person. It will take time for you and others to see the change, and patience can be so hard when things are difficult. Thinking of you.
Author HTS1977 Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 Thanks for the support, I really want to not contact her as I think I have made her lash out by talking about things these past few weeks which is why she is now saying she has moved on and is done and refuses to think about it anymore. The problem is, we have a 2 yr old together and Yeah I can only talk to her about that but its tough as I want us to be a family, which she has decided to give up on. Ive read everywhere, and it says just be direct and to the point and not talk about the relationship....if I do that I am afraid she will think I don't care
Recommended Posts