Is there hope for us?

[roxnbox]

My fiance and I had an argument on Sunday when I was visiting him. I stayed out late with family having drinks and he called me a drunk. He then kicked me out of his apartment. I didn't want to see his posts on Facebook that night as I was angry also so I deactivated my Facebook account. I assume he took that as a sign that I'm moving on. He deleted me from facebook and told me to leave him alone. He told me to take my stuff with me (including the engagement ring I bought him). Now, I'm back at my place but he won't reply to any texts or calls.

 

The long distance relationship has always been hard and he continually suspects that I'm cheating. The last message he sent suggest that he thinks I have multiple partners.

 

I'm at a loss. I've sent texts to him but no response. I can't help but feel that if we were to sit and talk calmly we can work this out. I don't understand why he feels it necessary to ignore me. We made plans for a wedding. What am I supposed to do now? How do I proceed? Do I leave him alone and hope he comes around? If I do that, won't it seem like I no longer care?

[LimeBlue]

My fiance and I had an argument on Sunday when I was visiting him. I stayed out late with family having drinks and he called me a drunk. He then kicked me out of his apartment. I didn't want to see his posts on Facebook that night as I was angry also so I deactivated my Facebook account. I assume he took that as a sign that I'm moving on. He deleted me from facebook and told me to leave him alone. He told me to take my stuff with me (including the engagement ring I bought him). Now, I'm back at my place but he won't reply to any texts or calls.

 

The long distance relationship has always been hard and he continually suspects that I'm cheating. The last message he sent suggest that he thinks I have multiple partners.

 

I'm at a loss. I've sent texts to him but no response. I can't help but feel that if we were to sit and talk calmly we can work this out. I don't understand why he feels it necessary to ignore me. We made plans for a wedding. What am I supposed to do now? How do I proceed? Do I leave him alone and hope he comes around? If I do that, won't it seem like I no longer care?

 

Red flags all around. Run. Now. He clearly has mega control issues that will worsen over time. Get out now before you tie the knot because if you don't, it is highly likely you will one day look back on this post and wish you had not pursued him. Don't pander to him, drop off his radar (thanks Tara for that analogy ) and get on with your life.

[Echo000]

would u ever want to be with someone who, when he gets upset, will run away and cover his ears, refusing to text/call you back? Sounds like a child..why would you want to give you life and your heart to someone who can act in such an immature and hurtful way?

 

If your like me, you want someone who is there through thick and thin. Who will give you the BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT, who will hear you out even when hurt and who wont make rash decisions based purely on emotion.

 

Red flags indeed. Forget this guy..

[justwhoiam]

I stayed out late with family having drinks and he called me a drunk.

Where was he in the meantime? Was he with you? Did you ignore him all night? Did he try to hint that you were drinking too much?

 

He then kicked me out of his apartment.

That was a drastic measure, and it looks like you only told half of the story here. Were there issues between the two of you before this incident?

 

The long distance relationship has always been hard and he continually suspects that I'm cheating. The last message he sent suggest that he thinks I have multiple partners.

This clearly suggests that there were issues long before he kicked you out.

 

I don't understand why he feels it necessary to ignore me.

He must do it the hard way. Have you ever heard you have to go full NC?

 

What am I supposed to do now?

It looks like you underestimated your problems. You had to face them as soon as they were coming up.

 

Do I leave him alone and hope he comes around?

How did you react when he kicked you out? Did you insult him? Some things are not easily forgettable.

 

If I do that, won't it seem like I no longer care?

Yes, it will.

[darkmoon]

tell him you are now teetotal? or hit the bars with a funster...eat drink and be merry

[CherryT]

I agree with the above posts. Don't marry some guy who always suspects you were cheating... that never gets better. If there is no trust in a relationship, there really isn't much.

 

Unfortunately you can't make someone talk to you, but you can control what you do and what you want moving forward. I'm a trustworthy person who would never cheat on someone. I would break up with them and spend years alone instead of cheating. So if I was with someone who always thought I was always cheating when I'm not, I'd dump them and move on. Sorry, but they don't deserve the loyalty if they keep accusing you for something you didn't do.

 

If you've done something wrong (perhaps you drank too much and he already asked you calmly before) then all you can do is own up to it. But other than that, it's up to him if he wants to finally respond.

[keithkat]

It's either you both have a deeper issue in your relationship, or he has an issue with his self that's why he has come to this point.

 

Trust is a big issue here. And trust is important to keep a healthy relationship.

[roxnbox]

To answer the questions above,

 

Yes, he was with me part of the night but had to work the next day so he left early. He said to go ahead and stay so it puzzles me why he got angry I actually listened to his advice.

 

He kicked me out of the apartment when I was visibly drunk. He said he didn't want to babysit a drunk and that I should leave.

 

No, we have never done the No Contact. After our arguments we usually stay upset for maybe one day but will at least text.

 

I've apologized repeatedly since Sunday and said I'd work on myself to improve including communicating better but even those messages went ignored.

 

I haven't had any more contact since Monday. I feel depressed and utterly alone. I guess the distance is better to gain perspective and maybe he's doing the same. But, I am devastated that all our life-long plans were shattered. How can he walk away so easily? I hope I can get thru the NC rule...

[CherryT]

To answer the questions above,

 

Yes, he was with me part of the night but had to work the next day so he left early. He said to go ahead and stay so it puzzles me why he got angry I actually listened to his advice.

 

He kicked me out of the apartment when I was visibly drunk. He said he didn't want to babysit a drunk and that I should leave.

 

No, we have never done the No Contact. After our arguments we usually stay upset for maybe one day but will at least text.

 

I've apologized repeatedly since Sunday and said I'd work on myself to improve including communicating better but even those messages went ignored.

 

I haven't had any more contact since Monday. I feel depressed and utterly alone. I guess the distance is better to gain perspective and maybe he's doing the same. But, I am devastated that all our life-long plans were shattered. How can he walk away so easily? I hope I can get thru the NC rule...

 

It sounds like he left early because he had to work and probably had gone to bed or was close to it. When you had come home, you being drunk, may have woken him up and disturbed him. It doesn't mean he should've reacted that way, but I could see someone who's tired and needing to be up early in the morning be irritated when disturbed. The thing is... he told you to stay out and you did and now he's upset. Maybe he's upset that you were 'inconsiderate' when coming home? Perhaps you were loud etc.

 

Either way, I don't think his way of dealing with this situation is mature. I hope you get through the NC phase and realize that yes, it's disappointing that you think your life long plans were destroyed, but really... if he's willing to walk away and cut you off after doing something he told you to do, i think in the long run you would be happy that this happened now. I wouldn't want to close the distance with someone who can't even communicate.

[justwhoiam]

I don't think his way of dealing with this situation is mature.

While getting drunk is a sign of maturity?

 

Rox, we don't know if you're used to getting drunk, how often that happens, and were it even the only time, I wouldn't like it anyway. He told you to stay while he had to go to work, but that was not a pass to getting drunk and wasted. Moreover, you were in the company of his family and friends, not with unknown people. That maybe made you feel safer, but it's also a matter of good taste and good manners to keep a civil behavior when in company of others. Also, when you get drunk, you can lose control, and forget what really happened. Probably he got some detailed account of the night. He most certainly perceived that as irrespectful of him and yourself.

 

Ask yourself why you got drunk, if you like getting drunk and why you do that. Focus on yourself, because you might have a problem with alcohol. You don't need to get drunk to have fun.