maximus Posted November 5, 2004 Posted November 5, 2004 I made a post a couple of months ago about how my GF of 6 years broke up with me and immediately started something else she worked with and lied about it to me. I tried and cried and did everything I possibly could to get her back. She flat out told me she didn't love me, she has walked away, didn't want me to ever contact her again, I am not what she wants, take everything I have and give it to someone else and bla bla. It goes on and on and it was the absolute worst thing I have ever gone through. I had to get counselling just to cope. Lost my job and put everyone of my friends and family through hell. NC was put into place right away and everyday has been tough since but the more energy I put into myself, the better. Amazing doors began to open once the others were closed for good in my own mind. I had to force myself to think of her as dead, and in a sense she is. It has been 4 months and I get an e-mail today from her asking how I am, my family, she has been thinking about me, wants to see me......and in a nutshell really really regrets everything. I really wanted her back for the longest time but I know that the person she was, she is never going to be again. I still love that person with all my heart but she is dead to me now and the girl that sent me that e-mail is a shell of the person I was with for 6 years. The point of this post is not to deter anyone from ever following through with whatever they want to do. I am not a cynic like alot of hurt people on this site. I think everyone deserves to be heard and in alot of cases, deserve a second chance. However, for me, I am not a back-up, second choice or the pasture you return to once the grass is greener on the other side. You'll be OK. Just pour everything into yourself, look in the mirror, ask the most difficult questions about yourself, and do you best to answer them honestly. Fix what you need to fix and the whole world will open up to you. You don't realize it yet but you have been given a gift and a number of paths to choose from. Be strong and you wil get stronger and stronger. The best line I read on this site was " Forget who you were supposed to be, be who you are, and become what you were meant to be" Everything happens for a reason!
JamVan Posted November 5, 2004 Posted November 5, 2004 Yes, great post. As a person going through space and supposed no contact it gives me hope which ever way it turns out!
Author maximus Posted November 5, 2004 Author Posted November 5, 2004 The least I could do. This site has helped me everyday since. I went through hell and will continue to do so but everyone who speaks positively about this type of life situation speaks from experience and not just from a Anthony Robbins seminar. Hope it helps!
EnigmaXOXO Posted November 5, 2004 Posted November 5, 2004 I'm glad to hear you're doing so well Maximus, and I'm not surprised at all that your old ex has tried to reestablish contact. This usually happens when someone exits a comfortable long-term relationship for the thrill and excitement of that sparkly 'someone new'. Once the novelty wears off, they often want to retreat back to that place of quiet security…and will often go rooting around for that comfortable old shoe (you). If you had done anything to leave her with a bitter taste in her mouth, or if she had exited your relationship for any other reason than her interest in another man, you may have never heard from her again. I'm glad the time, distance and help you received has gotten you to a higher place. How sweet the poetic justice must feel when you can observe it from a clearer and emotionally stronger vantage point. You no longer feel beneath her or unworthy of her love, instead you have finally come to realize that she no longer deserves you. Bravo Maximus, Bravo! You may be too humble to gloat…but I have absolutely no dignity or decorum, so if you don't mind, I'll just go ahead and enjoy that part for you!
bluechocolate Posted November 5, 2004 Posted November 5, 2004 The best line I read on this site was " Forget who you were supposed to be, be who you are, and become what you were meant to be" Everything happens for a reason! Bravo to whomever deserves the credit for that ! (there should be a "clapping hands" smiley) That was indeed a good post.
Urban Rubble01 Posted November 5, 2004 Posted November 5, 2004 So maximus, I have a question. My girlfriend and I are "on a break". She didn't leave me for another guy, supposedly she needs space. We're on good terms, she says she wants to see me and that she still loves me. So in my situation, do you think NC is the best way to go ? I want to see her, we've hung out since this has happened twice and it's been great both times. If everything is going well when we talk, do you think i should still do NC ? I want her back more than anything and I think there's a good chance of that happening, I'm just trying to increase those chances. I know she likes to see me and I like to see her, but at the same time I wonder if she would be missing me more if I just stopped talking to her altogether.
bluechocolate Posted November 5, 2004 Posted November 5, 2004 Originally posted by Urban Rubble01 So maximus, I have a question. My girlfriend and I are "on a break". She didn't leave me for another guy, supposedly she needs space. We're on good terms, she says she wants to see me and that she still loves me. So in my situation, do you think NC is the best way to go ? I want to see her, we've hung out since this has happened twice and it's been great both times. If everything is going well when we talk, do you think i should still do NC ? I want her back more than anything and I think there's a good chance of that happening, I'm just trying to increase those chances. I know she likes to see me and I like to see her, but at the same time I wonder if she would be missing me more if I just stopped talking to her altogether. I'm presuming to answer for Maximus here - so forgive me - I'm sure he'll correct me if I'm wrong. I think the point about no-contact is not that you want to get anyone back but that you want to move forward with your life. If she comes back then that's good, if not then that's good too, because you'll be in a better place than you are now either way. Going into it with the attitude that your primary intention is to "get someone back" kinda defeats the purpose of the thing.
Urban Rubble01 Posted November 5, 2004 Posted November 5, 2004 Yeah, well that's the thing. I don't think No Contact is going to help me move on like it's supposed to. I know it sounds bad, but I don't know if I'll be able to move on until I know what's going to happen with us. When she's telling me that she knows (or thinks, I can't remember) it'll work out with us, it's hard to just go "Oh well, she's gone, I'm moving on". Basically, if I am looking at it in terms of what do I have to do to feel better and what I feel is best, I'm going to keep contacting her. The reason I'm considering NC is basically to see if that makes her miss me more. Not in an effort to get her back, but just to see how she's feeling.
UCFKevin Posted November 5, 2004 Posted November 5, 2004 Well, if the other person broke up with you and it's OFFICIALLY over and they're seeing someone else, well...it's not No Contact. It's life. That's how it's SUPPOSED to go. You're doing what you SHOULD do, it's not like you're purposefully not talking to her, why would you talk to her, it's over, she's seeing another guy.
Think too much Posted November 5, 2004 Posted November 5, 2004 Dear maximus, Thank your post. I found your strength very uplifting in a difficult time
maximus1 Posted November 5, 2004 Posted November 5, 2004 UFCKevin, you are right to an extent, however in my case there was 6 years and a whole lot more besides history. In my case regardless of what was the situation I believed if you want something bad enough, you'll go for it. Some people do things for the wrong reason, make bad choices and do what they do out of spite or pity or anger or bittereness and that was what my gut was telling me. Sometimes it is justified but in my case I knew everything isn't always as it seems. You always have a choice and I could have kept on doing what i could to change things. Maybe it would have, who knows but I knew I was paralyzing myself in a very bad state and doing damage to myself instead of anything positive for anyone. That is the way I see it.
Strike3 Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 Urban Rubble, if you remember, I started doing the NC thing about a month and a half ago and we talked about it for a little bit on these boards. We seem to be in the same situation, our girls want space and a break. Let me tell you that if you are STILL here asking if you should do NC, you really need to just do it. After my girl broke up with me I was miserable. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate in school, and so on. The more we talked, the worse it hurt knowing that she didn't want to be with me right now. Now things are so much better and I've only been doing NC for a month and a half. Don't put your life on hold for someone else, it's not worth it. She isn't going to realize how life is without you if you are in contact with her all the time. She needs to feel like she may lose you before reality really hits her in the face. Thanks everyone here that has helped me through all this. I'm going to be graduating in December and will be going back home and can't wait to start my life with or without her. There are so many girls in this world, it's not worth it to waste a year of your life waiting to see if someone wants to be with you or not.
snowflake Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 I really great post Maximus. What would be your advise for a wife who's 51 year old husband left his his family after 27 years of a normal and good marriage for a married childless woman who is 22 years younger than him and only 3 years older than our son? It helped him to impress her with an expensive car, money, gifts and status but now they rent a place and plan to build a house for them-self...He just said he is in love... I look good and much younger than my real age is and always got compliments about it in his presence... NC in this case? Not easy - 27 years is more than a half of life plus there are so many practical issues to be decided; so we are in contact - for the past 2 months only when he calls.... but we all want his back once this "sickness"is over...Is the NC the right thing?
Author maximus Posted November 8, 2004 Author Posted November 8, 2004 That one is a very tough call. Your sitution involves alot more history and elements that mine does not. I can only speak from the only road which I have known and maybe you can speak volumes to many of us that do not compare to your road. There are alot of people on this site that have of view of they're own situation being the worst when the time and history and importance of their respective relationship do not come close to yours. To each of us though, regardless of that, it is as devastating nonetheless. You must be one strog individual to maintain what you have and to carry the weight on your back. if you do not realize it now, you surely will realize some one day when you look in the mirror. Anything is possible. Some people make the biggest mistakes of their lives without realizing it. If and when the other party takes a look at themselves in their mirror is when you have a decision to make. I hope that might give you something and I know it is something that you already know.
Author maximus Posted November 8, 2004 Author Posted November 8, 2004 Strike 3. Congratulations, you couldn't have given a better piece of advice. I am glad to see your pushing through. It is an attitude we NEED to see more of because it is vital to everyone's well being. It shouldn't be about them, it should be about you. We have all lost sight of that fact and need to stop, stand and deliver to ourselves. It is obviously the reason we got into the relationship in the first place and the reason we have all done the things we have done in our own lives. Good Luck!
Charlane Posted November 16, 2004 Posted November 16, 2004 Yes, Snowflake. NC is the right thing. Overhaul your diet and stop with ALL sugar, alcohol and cut out red meat. Eat lots of fruits and veggies (raw really). I sleep so good and am dating a guy 11 years my junior. You've heard of what is good for the goose haven't you? Don't take his phone calls and totally ignore the jerk. That house of cards is due to fall.
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