Gizmo2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Ok here it is I was with the most amazing women I have ever met. We were together for almost 4 years. 8 months ago she came to me and said that she was ready, she wanted to get married. Filled with joy I had been waiting for this day. So two days before her graduating with her master degree I popped the question. Life was great! She said yes and didn't waste any time with the wedding plans. The date was set February 22,2014. Everything had been great we had everything booked. Our relationship was always good, of course we had our fights here and there but nothing that was bad. Well about 2 months ago things changed, she lost someone very dear to her heart from cancer. That's when she started acting different. She couldn't accept the death and I tried to be there for her as much as I could. She had then started having mix emotions because she felt she needed to be closer to her family, we like like an hour away. Well this didn't last long she started to be back to her old self again but then on August 1st she came home and broke it all off. She said she was confused and didn't know what she was doing anymore. She said she still loved me so much and that i was pretty much perfect for her but She didn't know who she was and said she needs to be sways from me and gave the ring back and left. While leaving I asked if she ever talked to anyone about this. She replied the only person she takes to was the priest who was to marry us. So wasting no time i went to him he also told me the she told him the same story. That she truly loves me and her biggest fear is to hurt me and she didn't know what this feeling inside of her is. So a week later I call her telling her we need to sit and talk. She said no and that this is something she needs to do on her own that its best we don't contact for now. I asked if it was over and she said she really doesn't know anymore. Said that she loves me but don't know if she's in love. What can I do? I want this to work out. I haven't contacted her in 5 days and don't plan to, I will give her space she asked for. But can I get her back?
amaysngrace Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I'm sorry. It's her decision if you guys get back together or not. She sounds uncertain. Wouldn't you rather her be uncertain now than have her go through with the wedding, have a couple kids and then question her love for you? Everything happens for a reason. Trust that.
Author Gizmo2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 I do want her to be certain but its just weird she seemed so happy, I don't want to throw it all away. Was just wondering if there's any chance of this working out. I'm going to give her space I won't contact her but I don't want to just say well its over.
amaysngrace Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 You should just say "well it's over". You can't live in limbo. If she decides later she wants you back then it will be your decision then but for now you should try your best to move on, as difficult as that may seem. She may never come back and every day you waste waiting is one more day that you've lost.
keithkat Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I think it's too early to say it's over. Just take this time for yourself, too. The girl was just confused. I think you will know it's really over when she clears it to you about her realizations, or that there will be concrete evidences that you're not exclusive anymore.
Jstub Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 As sad as it is right now, the only thing you can do is to accept the reality. Your fiance is not in love with you. Let her be confused or whatever, what matters is that she is not sure about her love for you. You may see this as a bad thing right now, but as someone mentioned already - would you rather this happen now or after a few years of marriage, kids etc? Trust me, you don't want the latter. Just accept and start moving on - maybe it's not over, maybe she will come around - but don't count on it. If she does come around, be sure not to just jump back in, as she may come around due to pressure etc...Don't be desperate.... you will shoot yourself in the leg with that attitude. Did you think about how this could be her loss? You are a great guy right? Women would be lucky to have you right? Tell yourself that! good luck!
Jstub Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 So what do I do no contact?? Yes, you do NC and 180 for now - You start moving on with the thought that she is not coming back and you build yourself up. Pursuing her, begging her, crying to her and all that, will just push her further away. Plus it's no good for you. Don't sit there and feel sorry for yourself, get out there and rebuilt yourself, enjoy life. I bet it feels impossible right now, but you have to force yourself if you have to.
hayewils Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Yes, you do NC and 180 for now - You start moving on with the thought that she is not coming back and you build yourself up. Pursuing her, begging her, crying to her and all that, will just push her further away. Plus it's no good for you. Don't sit there and feel sorry for yourself, get out there and rebuilt yourself, enjoy life. I bet it feels impossible right now, but you have to force yourself if you have to. Definatly going to feel impossible, but you also have to do this for yourself. I can tell you from my own experience, after reading all the posts telling me NO NO NO.. 180h180180, NC NC NC.. This is what you have to do for YOU.. If she feels she needs space, give her all the space she needs. this really sounds like a very unfortunate situation with no real explanation. Maybe in a week, maybe in a month, maybe not at all she will contact you. But brotha, you definatly need to stand strong for yourself. Ive been there and everybody on this awesome site has been there. Take a deep breath, try to relax, try to do things to occupy yourself. When and if, she comes back or contacts you, I wouldn't be in a rush to jump right back in. You have to absolutely think about that, what if you were married? What if you have or had kids? My question to myself at this very moment would be, Would I want her to do this to me if we were married and had kids.. Think, and take care of yourself and let things be and fall where they may.. Good luck to you, Scott
goingforward Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 I feel for you. But from the outside looking in, I believe that if you truly love her, let her know you love her, that you will be there for her if she ever needs to talk or a hug, and you will respect her wishes. Then, as hard as it may be, cease all contact from your end. From that point I would suggest that you then do your best to start your life without her. Better yourself and if she comes to terms with whatever issues she is dealing with and wants to reunite, you are in a healthier place to make that decision. If not, you have gone forward. I know you hurt like hell and wish you well.
Misfortune Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 I feel for you. But from the outside looking in, I believe that if you truly love her, let her know you love her, that you will be there for her if she ever needs to talk or a hug, and you will respect her wishes. Then, as hard as it may be, cease all contact from your end. From that point I would suggest that you then do your best to start your life without her. Better yourself and if she comes to terms with whatever issues she is dealing with and wants to reunite, you are in a healthier place to make that decision. If not, you have gone forward. I know you hurt like hell and wish you well. I agree with this. It's also wayyyyy better to have the cold feet now and work on them rather than having them eat away at your marriage. Hopefully whatever is bothering her isn't something that would cause any harm to your relationship. Goodluck.
keithkat Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 I feel for you. But from the outside looking in, I believe that if you truly love her, let her know you love her, that you will be there for her if she ever needs to talk or a hug, and you will respect her wishes. Then, as hard as it may be, cease all contact from your end. From that point I would suggest that you then do your best to start your life without her. Better yourself and if she comes to terms with whatever issues she is dealing with and wants to reunite, you are in a healthier place to make that decision. If not, you have gone forward. I know you hurt like hell and wish you well. I agree with this as well. No contact. Don't be a bother. :-)
vla1120 Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Before you give up completely, remember that grief affects everyone differently. Let her know that you are there for her, that you are willing to go to couples counseling with her, or to talk to the priest, or whatever. If she is completely against contact, then give her the space she wants, but there's nothing wrong with fighting for the relationship. That being said, it is better to have this happen now rather than after you are married and perhaps have children (not that it makes you feel any better.) Hang in there, one day at a time.
Author Gizmo2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 I have given myself a time span of 30 days no contact. If she don't contact me within those days I figured on day 30 I would just send her a text to see how she is and that I was thinking of her. 1
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