Emma1234 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Hey. It has been 3 a bit months since the break up and I feel so much better than I ever could have imagined. The rose tinted glasses are smashed on the floor and finally I'm seeing him and the 2.5 year relationship for what it truly was. Although I'm still sad I feel at the same time quite liberated and strong. I now can honestly say I will never take this person back into my life due to the hurt and the fact that he has become the sort of person I would usually avoid. My only problem is university. We chose to go to the same uni and will soon be moving back to the city. Although it is not for another month which gives me hope that I will be feeling even stronger, I am worried how to react. I am all for no contact, it was the main factor in my recovery but unfortunately our friendship group is pretty much the same and although I am closer to pretty much all of them I wouldn't see it as fair if he was to be excluded. We tend to all have a lot of nights out together, a lot of film nights together and a lot of general outings to the cinema/restaurants together and with him in such close proximity I don't know what to do. I know that there are still some feelings of care for him still there and love for the person he was so I'm worried that this end of no contact will pull me backwards. I am determined not to let it though. I have told myself that he will not be coming to our flat as our meeting place tends to be the other guys flat so at least I'll have my space away from him there. But how am I supposed to continue no contact and keep this person out of my life when we will probably be involved in a lot of the same events? I don't mind missing a few things but I don't want to lose anyone from the group, at the same time I don't want him to be outcast. Does anyone have any advice as to what I should do or if worse comes to worse and I see him a lot how I should be? I'm pretty scared of things like him turning up with a new girlfriend or him being with other girls on nights out when I'll be there as although I don't want him back I can imagine it hurting a bit. Thank you, Emma.
dgiirl Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Can you organize a girl's night out? As a friend in that type of group, this is what I've done for the couple's when they broke up. I would organize GNO, and I would also organize events where one time I invite him, next time I invite her. The guys have also organized their macho men's camping weekends without the girls. Try to make it easy on your friends as it's really awkward for them to know what to do. Let them know you are ok with the two of you being invited to the same activities and let you guys sort it out, but I would also organize GNO so you do get the same social interaction, but with just the girls.
Author Emma1234 Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 That is a good idea but the main problem is the guys. Only one of the girls (a really close friend of mine) ever had anything to do with him but she noticed the change occurring in him and was put off. The main problem is the general group of guys that we are both really close to, I won't lose any of the girls but the divide might be between us and the guys which i would feel incredibly guilty about.
dgiirl Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Let the group handle their own dynamics. Just focus on yourself and nurture your relationships. Our group certainly changed after the initial two splits, but I worked hard to keep the group together. Sure, things changed, but we still hung out doing different things. It's ok! We would have events with one side + new partners, and then had other events with the other side. GNO still remained with the initial core of women. Now that I've split from my boyfriend, I don't know what will happen to the group dynamic. C'est la vie. If they treasure my relationship, we'll figure it out. If not, then it's time to move on
Author Emma1234 Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 Yeah, I suppose things will work out. I'm not sure how I should react around him though? Anyone have any advice as to how I should be?
Author Emma1234 Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 Sorry to ask again, anyone have any suggestions?
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