Is it possible to have a long term relationship in today's world?

[alexjames88]

Whilst inevitably there are exceptional cases of relationships with longevity. Is it really possible to have a long term relationship these days?

 

Especially when you are in your twenties and thirties. Partners these days seem to always long for something better. They want love and when they find it they long for something even greater. They start seeing your failings and they start wishing you were something else.

 

I also feel today people are too idealistic. They are always searching for "the perfect partner" when perfection is impossible. Nobody seems to want to work on relationships and weather the storms that come within a relationship. They just see problems (inevitably problems) as signs that you are not compatible and therefore give up.

 

In my case my ex broke up with me because he was still clearly in love with me but because his head didn't think we would work together. That still baffles me. It is hard enough to find someone that doesn't irritate you or that you dislike let alone love and yet when you are not there perfect compliment they leave.

 

I am not talking here about settling for something. But when you do find love with a great person and yet it ends up it is not enough for them.

 

I still maintain that polar opposite people are in my opinion great for relationships if they are willing to compromize. This way they both grow and develop and there are always new and interesting things. Two people alike I feel offers for no growth or development.

 

Your thoughts?

[aspiringuitarheroine]

Plenty of people are doing it, so I'm going to say yes...

 

Just because your luck in love, or your friends luck in love, or the multitude of people on here and their luck in love, isn't great, is not indicative of the ability to have a long-teem relationship.

 

Some people meet their forever partner sooner, and others later. Some don't have one at all. But plenty of people are having plenty of long-term relationships.

 

Your ex is feeding you a line. He didn't love you enough. If he did, he'd still be with you. And isn't it better to be alone, with the potential for something better, rather than something that's "good enough"? Something that's mediocre?

 

I think it is.

[Balzac]

Definitely possible and I see it frequently.

[aspiringuitarheroine]

And no, extremes in a relationship rarely work. Polar opposites have the potential problem of growing in parallel, rather than together. You want people who share core values, morals, spiritual beliefs, thoughts of the future, but hobbies and interests can be different.

[alexjames88]

Yes. Well I was an alcoholic so I do question whether he did actually love me enough but just had to get away from the situation. It isn't always good to stay with addicts even if you truly do love them. Often more loving to leave them. Of course I will never know and I no longer really care for him to tell me one day

[reddragon588]

I think that long term relationships are not only possible, but happen all the time.

 

That said, I think that technology has made it harder to have these kinds of relationships. For everything great that it does, it also makes it harder to have lasting relationships. Technology makes us almost omnipresent and it takes out the mystery that used to be in relationship. Since we're almost always there, sometimes it can be harder to get your "alone time" you need, even in the best relationships. It also makes it easier to become overly attached, and easier to lose your individual identity. One of the most important things in a relationship is maintaining your individuality- if your identity becomes that of the couple, the other person can become bored.

 

While long term real relationships are certainly possible, and certainly happen, I do think that technology has added a new, big obstacle to those relationships that didn't exist in the past.

[soccerrprp]

I think that long term relationships are not only possible, but happen all the time.

 

That said, I think that technology has made it harder to have these kinds of relationships. For everything great that it does, it also makes it harder to have lasting relationships. Technology makes us almost omnipresent and it takes out the mystery that used to be in relationship. Since we're almost always there, sometimes it can be harder to get your "alone time" you need, even in the best relationships. It also makes it easier to become overly attached, and easier to lose your individual identity. One of the most important things in a relationship is maintaining your individuality- if your identity becomes that of the couple, the other person can become bored.

 

While long term real relationships are certainly possible, and certainly happen, I do think that technology has added a new, big obstacle to those relationships that didn't exist in the past.

 

Interesting and I agree to some extent. But this whole MYSTERY thing is both over-rated AND not absent due to technology. In fact, as a strictly OLDater, it makes it easier for people to concoct personas making the whole dating process much more mysterious and convoluted. Unless you google and have a FB, or other account open for the world to see (dumb in itself), the mystery is still present, albeit, more twisted....

 

Are LTR possible now days? Of course it is.

[Virgil876]

In my case my ex broke up with me because he was still clearly in love with me but because his head didn't think we would work together. That still baffles me. It is hard enough to find someone that doesn't irritate you or that you dislike let alone love and yet when you are not there perfect compliment they leave.

This is exactly why my ex left me too. I love this sentence.

[Misfortune]

I think HONEST LTR, along with monogamy, are becoming a think of the past. We live in an instant gratification, replace it when it gives you trouble and a cake eating world now. Technology also makes it much easier to go about your dirty deeds without ever raising suspicions. Everyone wants a "break" or to "find myself" which is usually code for "I'm done and I'm off to screw someone else." It's just a big game where the prize is sex for some; nothing more, nothing less.

 

When the relationship gets hard at any point, you throw it away and find someone else because they'll never hurt you, make you feel bored or become complacent. -_- Like anything else, there are successes and their are failures, things just seem to end more on the failure side of thing in today's society. The grass is always greener.

[supaflyz]

I also think that long lasting relationships are harder to come by now. I don't know but seriously. My grandparents were married over 20 years before my grandma became a widow. My grandma told me that during that time and a little to do with our culture that it is look down upon for a woman either divorce or widow to find another man. Hence she had suitors in her mid 40s but she chose to live single for the rest of her life. She is 95 and still going strong! She has 9 children. Seven of them (my aunt and uncles) were with their spouses for over 35 years. My mom and my uncle were the only two who had divorce with their spouses. However, my mom was married to my dad for over 20 years so did my uncle and his ex wife.

 

Then the next generation my cousins (only a few of them has had relationships over 20 years). The rest of them had divorce.

 

I was in a psychology class. My teacher told me that in the past relationships lasted very long. I think you are right. We live in the world where online dating relationship exist, instant gratification, and so on. If the partner isn't happy they could just go online and try to find a new partner. This cheating and early sex thing is also very new to me when I came to this country. My parents and grandparents told me that the kids will either be disown or kick out if they ever been caught having sex that early (mid to late teens) or have sex before marriage. I guess it's just the different culture.

[GG3]

I feel like a lot of people are looking for the perfect partner these days and it's a different world. I'm 34 now and have never been married. I feel embarrassed about it and wonder if I will get married by 40 and worry that people will think "something" is wrong with me. And I'm sure I have issues as we all do, but I don't think it's as easy to find a good long term partner these days.

 

I did waste 5 years of my time on a man who didn't want to get married and treated me badly and I also chose a couple of bad partners thus wasting more time. But since I've made more of an effort to find true serious partners, it has still been difficult. Last year I dated and fell in love with someone who seemed to be looking for his unrealistic ideal and I clearly disappointed him.

 

It seems to me there are a lot of people out there looking for a perfect fit, rather than having good relationship and communication skills and working things out.

[Misfortune]

I also think that long lasting relationships are harder to come by now. I don't know but seriously. My grandparents were married over 20 years before my grandma became a widow. My grandma told me that during that time and a little to do with our culture that it is look down upon for a woman either divorce or widow to find another man. Hence she had suitors in her mid 40s but she chose to live single for the rest of her life. She is 95 and still going strong! She has 9 children. Seven of them (my aunt and uncles) were with their spouses for over 35 years. My mom and my uncle were the only two who had divorce with their spouses. However, my mom was married to my dad for over 20 years so did my uncle and his ex wife.

 

Then the next generation my cousins (only a few of them has had relationships over 20 years). The rest of them had divorce.

 

I was in a psychology class. My teacher told me that in the past relationships lasted very long. I think you are right. We live in the world where online dating relationship exist, instant gratification, and so on. If the partner isn't happy they could just go online and try to find a new partner. This cheating and early sex thing is also very new to me when I came to this country. My parents and grandparents told me that the kids will either be disown or kick out if they ever been caught having sex that early (mid to late teens) or have sex before marriage. I guess it's just the different culture.

 

It's the age of "if you don't like it, leave it; don't leave until you find a replacement though" and "w/e, w/e, I do what I want" and parents/spouses seem to have no choice but to put up with it because no one wants to be the bad guy. They call it "freedom". By the time some people find their "special someone", they have nothing special to offer that person and the relationship tanks.

[Misfortune]

I feel like a lot of people are looking for the perfect partner these days and it's a different world. I'm 34 now and have never been married. I feel embarrassed about it and wonder if I will get married by 40 and worry that people will think "something" is wrong with me. And I'm sure I have issues as we all do, but I don't think it's as easy to find a good long term partner these days.

 

I did waste 5 years of my time on a man who didn't want to get married and treated me badly and I also chose a couple of bad partners thus wasting more time. But since I've made more of an effort to find true serious partners, it has still been difficult. Last year I dated and fell in love with someone who seemed to be looking for his unrealistic ideal and I clearly disappointed him.

 

It seems to me there are a lot of people out there looking for a perfect fit, rather than having good relationship and communication skills and working things out.

 

Work? Such a foreign word in some relationships.

 

Hollywood and the media have convinced people that perfect people/relationships exist. Love conquers all! If you don't feel butterflies, you must flee. You must find your soulmate: if you don't click on every level and can't read each other's mind then, your relationship will never last. Everyday of your lives together is all rainbows, smiles and happiness. -_- The End.

 

Back in the real world: Even the most mismatched people are "perfect" during the honeymoon phase. Once the real world intervenes and that phase is over, the other "perfect" comes from affairs or moving on to someone else. Some people can't live without that "perfection". Isn't life grand?

[GG3]

Hollywood and the media have convinced people that perfect people/relationships exist. Love conquers all! If you don't feel butterflies, you must flee. You must find your soulmate: if you don't click on every level and can't read each other's mind then, your relationship will never last. Everyday of your lives together is all rainbows, smiles and happiness. -_- The End.

 

Back in the real world: Even the most mismatched people are "perfect" during the honeymoon phase. Once the real world intervenes and that phase is over, the other "perfect" comes from affairs or moving on to someone else. Some people can't live without that "perfection". Isn't life grand?

 

The person I dated last year watched a lot of the bachellorette and romantic comedies to try to understand love. He really thinks it is supposed to be what he sees on tv.

 

And because I didn't read his mind, I wasn't the one. According to him, I should have been cooking. I would have been fine with that if he had asked, but I had no idea. My long time ex hated eating in. And I worked hard and got a high paying job so I could take turns picking up checks. I guess this guy would rather have a woman who stays home more and cooks. Okay fine...but why couldn't you say that? Well no, the right person would "just know" and if I accommodated that, now I'm not being myself. What? Having a high paying job was something he wants in a woman on his list...but if she is working a lot and too tired to cook, well I guess that's not okay either. That's where I feel the things on his list start to become unrealistic. That was just one example.

 

So yes...once the honeymoon ended, he decided "that was just lust."

 

I got over it. I'm happy now and realized I would have gotten miserable with him. I couldn't live up to his expectations and would have always felt inadequate. I can't read minds or twist into a pretzel for someone.