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My ex is playing mind games!!! !! :(

Halo84

By Halo84
in Coping

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Halo84 New Member

Halo84

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Hi all,

 

I came on here before christmas as my BF just up and left we were apart for about a month and a half, we then decided to give it another go after my uselss attempt at NC, I went out looking hot to trot and this revealed his jealous side and then I guess he decided he did'nt want anyone else to have me, but in my normal fashion I didnt make it hard for him to just stroll back into my life. So everything appeared to be going great things back on track, then he started to go out more often, now bear in mind I have a 4 year old who refers to him as 'daddy' even though not biological, and credit where credits due he has been a good dad to him and put alot in. Don't get me wrong he would only go out a weekend a month But he would end up not coming in till 5/6 in the morning. a few weeks back I found a message on FB to another girl basically looking for an ego boost, bigging himself up about how he has a good job etc, etc and this girl was lapping it up, obviously I know the real him so do not give him these ego boosts, any way we have been split up just over 3 weeks and I have found out he has slept with a girl twice, and that he took her on a date in February!!! He said she was an escape from my nagging. Anyway we spoke about this and he said he is sorry for hurting me, we got talking and he almost made me feel sorry for him he's this lost soul yadda yadda...and then said he was going to try and be the man I wanted and needed so we have continued talking etc, me getting mad at him for his betrayal then back to good terms, yo-yoing like this for a cpl of days, now he's told me we both need space and he needs to decide what he wants!!

I just don't know what his aim is, he's completely manipulating me and calling the shots yet he's the one that slept with someone else and took them out when we were in a relationship...I'm not very strong and lack self confidence and so put up with this crap...but only for so long...I know I need to forget him as he's just not good enough for me but it's so hard especially when he's done the wrong but doesn't seem too bothered! I jsut wanted to know what his game is as I just can't understand! The reason I did'nt juststay and put up with him going out and being irresponsible is for my son, he comes first above all of this..I just needed someone to talk to :(

Legatus Established Member

Legatus

Posted
Posted

His primary game is being a giant @#)&@$# #$+$ )%!

 

Sleeping with someone else is not an excuse for anything. I get the feeling he didn't respect you and your child which is very immature. Any normal person knows that when a child is involved, you can't behave indecisively or immature.

 

I am pretty sure he knows he can manipulate you, whether it's intentional or not, it's purely wrong. As you rightly said, your son comes above all this so I'm hoping you will turn your focus onto him completely. Your ex is not worth a single second of your time.

 

I have a little suspicion he will come back some day. You have to be prepared and detached completely..

Omei Established Member

Omei

Posted
Posted (edited)
His primary game is being a giant @#)&@$# #$+$ )%!

 

Sleeping with someone else is not an excuse for anything. I get the feeling he didn't respect you and your child which is very immature. Any normal person knows that when a child is involved, you can't behave indecisively or immature.

 

I am pretty sure he knows he can manipulate you, whether it's intentional or not, it's purely wrong. As you rightly said, your son comes above all this so I'm hoping you will turn your focus onto him completely. Your ex is not worth a single second of your time.

 

I have a little suspicion he will come back some day. You have to be prepared and detached completely..

 

I agree with previous poster.

One thing I wanted to share with you is I dated a guy for 2 years and we broke up when my daughter was 2 she is now 6 and has forgotten him completely, and the breakup I just went through she was sad for maybe 1 day after knowing him for 5 years not saying all kids are the same but at such a young age they are not effected as we are so dont feel pressured to stay with him for your son.

 

Also relationships are natural but you are not married allowing your son to call any man your dating daddy without putting a abrupt stop to it can be very damaging as they get older when your relationships change.

 

There is nothing wrong with partying sometimes as long as its not every week he's human he is young, you cant expect him to settle down and have a family tho he may of said it sweetly at some point in your relationship the idea is always enchanting at the time when you're in love and im sure he does care for your son but doesnt sound ready.

Edited by Omei
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Halo84 New Member

Halo84

Posted
  • Author
Posted
His primary game is being a giant @#)&@$# #$+$ )%!

 

Sleeping with someone else is not an excuse for anything. I get the feeling he didn't respect you and your child which is very immature. Any normal person knows that when a child is involved, you can't behave indecisively or immature.

 

I am pretty sure he knows he can manipulate you, whether it's intentional or not, it's purely wrong. As you rightly said, your son comes above all this so I'm hoping you will turn your focus onto him completely. Your ex is not worth a single second of your time.

 

I have a little suspicion he will come back some day. You have to be prepared and detached completely..

 

I'm angry at myself for getting taken in by his BS but my son is completely at the forefront of my mind, my actions are all based around what is best for him, I knew it wasn't right for him.

Thanks for your post, I know you're right I should'nt give him the time of day. :)

Lei Ping Established Member

Lei Ping

Posted
Posted
now he's told me we both need space and he needs to decide what he wants!!

 

I just don't know what his aim is

 

Anytime the person with whom you are in a committed relationship tells you "I/we need space" they are saying that they wish to carry on with someone else and they need an agreement from you in order to clear their conscience. Please understand this.

 

The next time a lover asks for "space" give them all the space they want, Forever.

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Frank13 Established Member

Frank13

Posted
Posted
Anytime the person with whom you are in a committed relationship tells you "I/we need space" they are saying that they wish to carry on with someone else and they need an agreement from you in order to clear their conscience. Please understand this.

 

The next time a lover asks for "space" give them all the space they want, Forever.

 

I agree with this. When someone is into you, they want to be around you all the time. When they ask for space, that means they aren't into you and don't love you.

Omei Established Member

Omei

Posted
Posted (edited)
I agree with this. When someone is into you, they want to be around you all the time. When they ask for space, that means they aren't into you and don't love you.

 

I do not agree with this at all me and my ex would have rocky patches where I wanted to have space with no intention of a breakup or seeing others, just a week or so but would constantly tell me "no" arguments kept happening, couldn't ever miss him or breathe and I loved him very much would of never left. Everyone is different every relationship is different space does not mean they don't love you.

Edited by Omei
Frog Princess Member

Frog Princess

Posted
Posted

Him cheating is not YOUR fault. His irresponsibility is not YOUR fault. More importantly, if you allow him to call the shots then he will never respect you. If the two of you stay on this roller coaster, he will continue cheating because he knows he can get away with it.

 

Try NC again. Yes, it hurts. Once you get over the initial hurdle it becomes easier. Find something that you enjoy doing without him. Work on being the best you you can be for yourself and your child. You said that you don't have a lot of confidence. Children pick up on that easily and begin to display those traits themselves. They also tend to end up in similar relationship patterns as their parents and you don't want that.

 

As for your guy, my friend and I have a saying for people like him: "Don't spend so much time finding yourself that you end up losing what you have in front of you." But that's his problem, not yours. Good luck!

 

For hilarious dating stories, articles and great dating advice, visit smoochingfrogs.com.

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