Monodare1 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Hi Took advice and texted a consiliatory message to the wife, offering an olive branch and asking her if the seperatation and divorce is truly what she wants, she replied with an emphatic yes. Feel really embarrassed that I weakened my resolve to try to be nice. Her reply was that she feels that the seperation was the right thing to do but that its a difficult time and she wants all of us to be ok and wants me to be less harsh I'm raging at myself for listening to advice and showing weakness. I swiftly replied that now I know where I stand and that the olive branch has been firmly cast aside. I reminded her that divorce is harsh and that she better batten down the hatches as there is a storm coming, also told her that she has until the end of this month to sort out the mortgage or I'm getting involved. Feel truly slapped in the face and shot down. Doesd anyone have an opinion on whats happened?
keepontruckin Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Let her pay for the divorce. She wants it, she can pay for it. And sort out the mortgage (and other finances) as soon as you can. Your wife is no longer the person you thought you knew. You care about her, but you must understand that she no longer cares about you. 1
Author Monodare1 Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 Hi I text the below to her: Read between the lines, I was trying to reach out to you. And you firmly rejected me. Well I don't take rejection well, never have. You've taken everything I have, your living in a house that my dad gave the deposit for, you sit on a couch, eat dinner on the table, sleep in a bed that my credit card paid for, drive a car that's in my name, keep your clothe in furniture that my ppi Claim paid for, and while I live at my dads where I still don't "officially live", with just my clothes a filing cabinet and a futon to my name, you thing I should be mr nice to you and sent texts with happy faces on them?? My love for you is swiftly turning to hate. While you are trying to act like this situation is perfectly normal and your trying to be my "pal". Your decision and swift slap down of me means that nothing will be normal between us ever again. I will do everything I can for my son, I love him with all my heart and I'm desperately concerned for his welfare everyday. That doesn't mean I'm going to kiss your arse. I don't want smiley faces from you and I don't want your concern from now on. Our marriage certificate is not worth the paper it's written on and rest assured you will get your wish, as soon as we are legally and financially able the particulars of divorce will be raised. Did I text the right thing?
keepontruckin Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 HiDid I text the right thing? Not really, but don't worry, we've all done it... In the end it will make no difference to her anyhow... Cut her off from everything that you can. Not say it, but do it. No more money, no more help. You should not do things a husband does, if she doesn't want to be your wife. Would you pay your friends mortgage for him? Probably not. So don't pay hers...
keepontruckin Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 The car is in your name? Take it back, now. She can walk or ride the bus. Take EVERYTHING back, but not in anger... Look at it as a business decision. Fair, and with civility.
keepontruckin Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I furnished my soon to be ex's apartment, thinking I was being a "good guy." After three months of trying to reconcile, fix things, improve, etc... It made no difference. I went in there and got some of my ***** back! It's been over a month, and she's still happy eating Kraft on a plastic lawn table, racking up her credit card to afford the dump she lives in. Understand that they'd rather be homeless than to ever give you a second chance... I bought her a car, but unfortunately it was put in her name since insurance purposes, principal driver, blah, blah... If I could take that car back now also, I would. It wouldn't hurt her to walk either, as she could lose a few pounds... You have to understand that they are past anger, they are past sorrow... There is nothing left in them that you would recognize. You have to protect yourself, and your assets, or they'll keep taking without giving anything back. I must stress, you keep your cool. If they want back and want to attempt to fix the marriage, they know how to contact you, and it will be up to you to decide how that happens, if that happens...
Author Monodare1 Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 She also wants £250.00 off me in maintenance for my son, despite the fact I'm also paying £189.00 off my top line before tax for childcare (she also pays £189.00 too) This is making me really struggle financially despite the fact I work full time.
keepontruckin Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 She also wants £250.00 off me in maintenance for my son, despite the fact I'm also paying £189.00 off my top line before tax for childcare (she also pays £189.00 too) This is making me really struggle financially despite the fact I work full time. She can tell it to the Judge. Unless it is court ordered, her wants mean nothing to you now. If your son needs something, you can buy it for him personally...
Author Monodare1 Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 Regards the £250 she wants for my son, as the mother in law and her two other kids are living with my wife and son now in my house, I'm concerned that they will capitalise on that money rather than my son. As I'm paying £189.00 before tax for half my sons nursery costs, I'm tempted to say to the wife that I will pay the £189.00 and pay the difference to £250 or cancel the childcare vouchers and just give her the £250. I just cant pay all of this and try to get a place of my own which my son would obviously gain from also. This whole situation is causing not only myself hassle but my 88 year old disabled father as all of this may affect his pension an benefits he needs to survive on. Which she is not considering or just doesn't give a damn.
keepontruckin Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 You should talk to counsel, since it looks like you may need it... Remember, once they leave and hit that switch, they are not the person that you thought you knew...
keepontruckin Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I wish I could say something that could fix the problem, but you're going to have to look at your wife as a business partner gone wrong...
Author Monodare1 Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 I think I'll offer her two options, I'll pay the £250 but cancel the child are vouchers so she will need to pay the 189 out of that or keep the vouchers going and pay her the difference, eg £80.00 a month. Then if she gets the Csa on my tail. I'll pay what they ask and cancel the vouchers anyway.
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