chicaD Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 So after 24 years being single, I decided I was gonna try getting to know someone to see if maybe i could have a relationship and experience things, you know. There was this guy... very cute, handsome, tall, polite, kind, caring, nice, fun to be around, confident, etc. who I was starting to notice as he seems to have the hots for me. He's literally perfect inside and out. So I thought why not see him more often to see if some connection develops! BUT, then my boss sends me to work with a partner, and as I spent more time with my coworker, a very strong attraction developed between us. It's like every time we are around each other, we feel like lengthening the time and creating excuses to just talk and look at each other in the eye, etc. Although our getting closer has been a recent thing, I've known him for more than 2 years now. The problem is that he is a Muslim and has a seemingly bad temper. Even when we had nothing going on, his facial expressions and his giving me silent treatment revealed how mad he turned when I talked to guys in a friendly way before. Other than that, he seems very down to earth and easy going, who takes things calmly and is homely like me, so I forgot about the other stuff. However, recently, when I commented I had been talking with another coworker during an event, he got really pissed and started acting distant with me for about a week until I started doing the same. And then, the other day I went to a store for the third time and this guy introduced himself and asked me out. I said that I didn't know him, but he said we could just hang out in our free time and get to know each other. It was weird because talking to him felt incredibly smooth and natural, which is rare since I'm very awkward (especially when I don't know people well.) He even had beliefs very similar to mine, which is very unusual from someone from his culture. I felt like we knew each other (that's very unusual because I take a very long time to warm up to people) and that, strangely, i felt very comfortable talking to him. But deep down i have a gut feeling that he might not be being 100% honest. Anyways, since the latter two guys entered my life as love prospects, I lost focus on the first one and now my attention is divided. Although I like the Muslim much better, I don't feel comfortable with his behavior (he doesn't just get jealous. He actually gets mad at me for just talking to guys). Besides, I don't even know if his family would allow him to date (he seems to not have been with anyone before also). The last guy, although I strangely felt much comfortability around him, I don't know him well and suspect he could not be being honest. And the first guy, although he is perfect in every way (he's the sweetest, most attentive and caring thing I have ever laid my eyes on. He treats me like a queen and is very handsome --a lot of girls chase after him and he is just polite with them), I don't feel the sparks with him. I try but the most I get is feeling flattered. I even feel a weight of guilt anytime I see him. I guess things would have been different if the other two hadn't enter my life. But I most say, as an introvert, his seemingly very extroverted nature kinda intimidated me too. Buw why does it have to be like this? Why, when you want to focus on someone, unexpectedly more people appear to make you doubt your decisions? I don't know if my initial plan to get a boyfriend is worth it now. What do you think? Should I pick one or forget about the three of them and dating altogether?
phineas Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I'd run so far - and so fast - from this Muslim guy that you'd have to FedEx my shadow to me the next day. You're extremely naive - that's painfully obvious. You're going to learn (as you go through life and gain more life experience) that when someone shows you who they are, you BELIEVE IT. You don't ignore it, you don't blow it off, and you don't pretend it's just fine when it's clearly NOT. Only a fool would engage in ANYTHING with the Muslim guy. He's got severe control issues and it's very obvious that he's extremely insecure and has anger issues as well. The guy is an emotional MESS. You know it, you see it, and you've dealt with it NUMEROUS times. If you choose to persue anything with this socially and emotionally stunted person, then it's on YOU. The Muslim guy sounds like a perfect example of a product of his culture. Anyone who dates or even marries a guy like this is in for a world of hurt because women are like property to some of them. 2
soccerrprp Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 The Muslim guy sounds like a perfect example of a product of his culture. Anyone who dates or even marries a guy like this is in for a world of hurt because women are like property to some of them. Sounds like a few non-Muslim guys I know.... Anyway, regardless of this guys faith, though it in itself can be an issue, his anger issues read RED FLAG all the way. I have a friend that was involved with and married a person of differing faith and culture and it did not work out. Not that it shouldn't, but faith and culture began to crash after the honey-moon phase of their marriage. They divorced and the rest is history. So, too much to consider I think with the Muslim guy. As per the other two, well, it sounds like you are not that into either of them or conflicted. Perhaps keep looking? BTW, your story reminds of me the scores of people who complain about OLD and GIGS and here you are...if I didn't know better, w/o the info that you are meeting these guys in real life first, your story would resemble an OLD story. Good luck.
Author chicaD Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 (edited) You call THAT being unlucky? LOL. Just pick the one you like more. Or if unable to, date all of them at the same time and see where it goes. Yes, it does SOUND fun, but when you actually experience those things they are not all that fun...like most things in life I would say. The grass is greener. And I'm unlucky because these things always seem to happen to me. I'm a loner, but sometimes I feel like it'd be nice to have someone in my life. BUT, whenever I make myself available (not only in the romantic arena), a lot of people start coming to me and I end up very overwhelmed, and eventually pushing them all away. I want quality not quantity, but how could I filter out the inadequate ones when I can only spend so much time with all and it's hard to distinguish the quality ones among many. I don't want to be rude with people who only want to be nice either. This wouldn't be an issue if I weren't a strong introvert. Only introverts would know what I mean since we can only handle so many people at a time. Edited August 25, 2013 by chicaD
Author chicaD Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 The Muslim guy sounds like a perfect example of a product of his culture. Anyone who dates or even marries a guy like this is in for a world of hurt because women are like property to some of them. He's a good guy who just doesn't know how to cope, and unfortunately our values are very much different. And I'm not even religious since I believe all religious have norms that contradict each other in what the higher entity wants from us.
Author chicaD Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 So, too much to consider I think with the Muslim guy. As per the other two, well, it sounds like you are not that into either of them or conflicted. Perhaps keep looking? BTW, your story reminds of me the scores of people who complain about OLD and GIGS and here you are...if I didn't know better, w/o the info that you are meeting these guys in real life first, your story would resemble an OLD story. Good luck. Sorry, I have no idea what OLD and GIGS are. Perhaps you can enlighten me? And no, I don't know if keep looking would be a good idea. I know many guys...from school, from work, from my neighborhood, from a few places I frequent. Most of the ones who approach me seem very shallow, selfish pricks who think girls are there to be picked out by them and their insincerity (which for me is very easy to see through their intentions). I actually feel disgusted by most. I sometimes think I tend to attract the bastardly ones. Perhaps that's why I rarely get attracted to anyone. I've only been attracted to guys 3 times in my life. The other ones I couldn't care less.
Author chicaD Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 (edited) I don't know what happened with Miss Priss' post, but I think she was too fast to criticize. If I were that naive, I would have gotten involved with the Muslim guy no questions asked since that was the only one I was really attracted to and I rarely get attracted to just anyone. But I'm here looking for advice because I can see how he is and I wouldn't consider getting involved with someone that controlling. But I needed to disclose his involvement in my life since it was an important part of my dilemma. And when I said I've been only really attracted to 3 guys, I wasn't including the Muslim guy. But he's a close fourth. However, I'm taking vacation now and am not seeing any of them till the second week of September. So far I haven't been thinking about any of them and I'm enjoying my free time. Sadly, classes start soon and once again I'll be exposed to the unsavory, immature, business-oriented guys from my school. Edited August 25, 2013 by chicaD
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