goingforward Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Been married 6 years. Second marriage for both and attempted to blend families (we both have 2 kids). After the first year, she left and moved back to her pre-maritial home we had used as a rental. Could not bring ourselves to divorce because when we are together without the kids, our love and respect was solid. Figured we would raise our kids and then enjoy the rest of our lives together. Recently she has been bringing up conduct that happened 5 years ago, been going out with single friends 5/6 nights a week, planned on attending her 20th reunion with a recently divorced friend (when I mentioned this hurt me, her response was "I bought the tickets for us to attend, you have 1 month to work-out and lose that gut" I am far from fat and considered attractive), at the reunion, she got blitzed, abandoned me and when some of the group went to a bar afterwards, she ignored me, hung out with her bombed divorced friend, and even hit on a guy in front of me. I guess I know where this is going, but sometimes a person needs to hear the answer from unattached, neutral people.
revitup Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Your story is factually challenged my friend.That being said,if you want an answer based on your story and that story is not just a once in a lifetime fluke behavior on her part......you have two options. 1.Throw the ultimatum on her rear end (straighten up,be a faithful wife or hit the road) and darn well mean it,now! I think it would be hard on you to stick around her,but anything is possible. 2.Hang around and be ran over for the rest of your life like a doormat. Commit to being some sort of cuckold and die a pitiful lump of your former self. Give us a few more facts and see what everyone sees in this. Good luck and sorry you are here. REVITUP 3
Author goingforward Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 I appreciate your response. After divorcing my first wife, I dated and met my current wife. She was very attentive, had 2 kids like myself, had qualitiies I thought would make a good partner in raising kids and wife. She pushed to get married fairly quickly (within a year), moved into my house, and due to differences in raising children and favortism towards her youngest daughter, we argued frequently (almost always about the kids) She moved out, returned to her pre-maritial home with her kids, but she, nor I, did not want a divorce because when we are alone, the relationship is fine. Over the past 6 months or so she has been going out with friends more frequently (including to bars which she previously did not do). Now I can do no right, she argues over matters we addressed 5 years ago (involving the kids primarily), she decorated my house to reflect both families, but her house is devoid of any indication of myself or children. As stated in the first post, she has become hurtful, and when I confronted her about the comments she made to a random guy in the bar, she denied it. My response was how can I ever trust you again if you will deny what I saw with my own eyes and heard with my own ears. She then attempted to change what she stated to make it appear to be innocent conversation. I wasn't buying it because she was bombed and I was not and I know what I heard. Again, I think I know what is going on, but objective insight is appreciated in chosing my path from this time forward.
revitup Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Brother,I have seen this type of stuff in my relationship-it is no good.She is either thinking of doing something or doing it,neither one is good for you. You say that the bars and nights out are "new" things she didn't do before.What changed in her mind to think as a married woman she can just hang out in bars and flirt in your face?She has at the very minimum -lost respect for you and devalued her idea of a relationship with you in her mind. I ,nor yourself, would blame any woman for being angry with us-if we were flirting with other women and hanging out in bars while married to that woman!It would never cross my mind to leave my spouse and kids at home while I constantly partied.You must ask yourself if that behavior is ok with you.With me,I lowered my boundaries and still would not have been OK with that,if I knew about it. The whole thing about you two "being good" when no children are around say a lot.Maybe she is not a mom at heart? I don't know why else she would behave so differently when kids are elsewhere other than some sort of commitment issues maybe. Why do you think she is better and you are happier when no kids are there?Somehow I feel there is more to your story-if so,bring it out. REVITUP
RightThere Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Your situation is not too different from mine. You've moved down your wife's rankings of "important people" in her life. You are a safety net incase the "single" life she's now having fun with doesn't work out. She needs someone to stay at home, take care of the kids, clean the house while she goes out and spends money without a care. Don't be a doormat. 1
aliveagain Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 There is nothing of you or your children in her new place, I guess she doesn't want anyone to know she is still in a relationship. She goes to bars 5-6 times a week, that's almost every night. There are two main reasons for doing that, she's a raging alcoholic(which doesn't appear to be the case since you mentioned she never did this before) or because there are a lot of "Men" there. My guess is the latter. She's moved on friend, she acts single but keeps feeding you crumbs of hope so you will hang around in case she doesn't find anyone better than you. Deal with her as if she's gone, 180, 180, 180, make it your way of life. Talk to a lawyer so you can protect your children. 1
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