ndt Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I got out of a 3-year relationship back in November 2012. I did everything I could to keep this guy, but no such luck.He said he fell out of love with me and wanted nothing to do with me. I eventually moved back home, 2 hours south of LA to sunny San Diego. I was the usual depressed mess, but I expected it and spent many days lounging in sweatpants, tear stained shirts, and under the covers. My friend suggested I seek out a distraction, or 'crush'. It didn't hurt to try it out, so I did just that, landed a profile on OKCupid, went on many dates, met lots of weirdos and lots of cool guys, but one guy stood out in particular. R. was everything I didn't look for in a guy but still managed to fall completely "in-like" with in a short amount of time. He was my age, liked the exact same stuff I did, and didn't have an extensive college education. However, I still had these strong feelings for and whatnot. We started talking in January of 2013 and I found out he lived in LA, slightly long-distance, but nothing crazy. He eventually started telling me he liked me and whatnot and I was stoked because I liked him and i HADN'T thought about the ex once since meeting him. He did still play these games because he felt our distance and slight jealousy issues weren't going to work out...I tried cutting off all contact with him, and he eventually crept his way back into my life and we started dating in April 2013. A week before we started dating, my ex came back into the picture, confessing that he had made a mistake and wanted me back and all this ****. I was shocked at first, because of my distraught state and the depression I had fallen into, the one who broke my heart was trying to come back?! I eventually came to my wits that it was a bad idea and I'd rather see what R. had to offer because he hadn't completely ripped out and stomped all over my heart. Well during R's and I relationship, I feel like I kept pushing him away. I was moody, negative, and he said I felt 'needy'. I mean I know I was pushing him away, because I couldn;t help but to wonder if I was making a mistake. Pushing someone away seemed so much easier than breaking it off... Several days ago, R. and I came to an agreement that we would no longer date. The morning after, I texted him because I realized I was making a mistake, but he said I had to work on myself and be happy and that "if you're not happy with yourself, you can't expect a relationship to make you happy" and that's very true...He also said he couldn't handle the stress of being with anyone and we should try and be friends (ugh) before we try and date again. This guy isn't one to sugarcoat so I feel that if he really didn't want to talk,he would've told me to **** off. He also claims that he's there for me if I ever need him...but I feel that if he really deeply cared, he maybe would've stayed. Also, the original ex is a pig. I KNOW I won't wonder about him anymore.I just want R. back.
Author ndt Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 I guess the question is, can people go back to being friends? it wasn't a terrible break up and I feel like our relationship had so much more potential. We loved being around eachother (two 3-day weekends out of the month) and he drove down here most of the time. I don't know whether if it's a pity friends/i'll be here for you, or a genuine. He hasn't texted me at all and it kills me because we've been texting since January, everyday.
JDPT Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 It appears that R. does care deeply as he is giving suggestions as to how things can be better in the future with regards to bettering yourself and perhaps taking things slow. However, keep in mind that you admitted to pushing him away and there is only so much of that anyone can take. I would suggest to take things slow if you are looking to salvage this relationship.
Author ndt Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 It appears that R. does care deeply as he is giving suggestions as to how things can be better in the future with regards to bettering yourself and perhaps taking things slow. However, keep in mind that you admitted to pushing him away and there is only so much of that anyone can take. I would suggest to take things slow if you are looking to salvage this relationship. He says he's here for me and that we can still text, I can't help but to feel like it'd be an obligation to him or that I shouldn't reach out.
JDPT Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Again, you mentioned he is a straight up guy and does not sugar coat the sh.it. Don't focus on whether he is replying out of pity or not, focus on yourself and improving yourself. And starting thinking about what you really want to do with this relationship, do you want to salvage it or walk away for good? for good means NC.
Author ndt Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 Again, you mentioned he is a straight up guy and does not sugar coat the sh.it. Don't focus on whether he is replying out of pity or not, focus on yourself and improving yourself. And starting thinking about what you really want to do with this relationship, do you want to salvage it or walk away for good? for good means NC. I would definitely like to salvage it, but I don't even know where to start. I currently workout at a gym and have been to get over this slight heartbreak. I'll also be back in school. I also started seeing a therapist (I was supposed to when I moved back down, but got distracted and thought I was okay) whom I'm not really sure what to think of yet, but she did catch me on my first session bawling my eyes out and not able to speak a word.
JDPT Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Sounds like you are doing all the right things, keep working out, go back to school keep seeing your therapist. You ARE doing a lot for yourself which is something we often neglect when we are in a relationship. I for instance devoted my life to my ex and completely neglected all my necessities and lost my identity in the process. I am not putting it all together as I am a free agent. There are time when you can be selfish and that's perfectly fine when it comes to accomplishing certain things you want in life. I'm certain that if I was still with her I wouldn't have gone back to school, to the gym and many other activities to improve myself just like you are. With all that being said, you need deeply analyze and internalize a decision of whether you want to salvage this or not. Take your time don't rush, look at all the pros and cons from a very objective perspective without letting emotions in the way, I know easier said than done but you must try your hardest in order to reach a truthful answer.
Author ndt Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 How do I know if I should keep talking to him or if he's completely over it?
Author ndt Posted August 15, 2013 Author Posted August 15, 2013 I ended up telling him that we should go our separate ways for awhile because I feel it's time to progress. He said "that sucks, but if you think thats necessary, then okay..." it's been tough, but I'm doing my thing. Therapy session on Friday.
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