Ends Up She Had Another Man In The Background All Along... Which She STill Denies

[chicothechimp]

Well, this is a post that I thought I would never add... some of you may remember that my GF broke in last August and wanted 'time', 'space' and 'to be left alone'. I cried and went through the typical crap/angst that you groan through the few weeks/month.

 

I slowly began to get over her. Well, this week I found out that she for surely found another guy sometime in July when they began connecting via IM and email. Who is this guy? None other than her married new boss at her new job. He is married AND has kids. Things seemed somewhat innocent in the beginning... but became very emotionally entangled within in a short amount of time. It is uncertain whether sexual intimacy has yet to be engaged (she denied it but I really do not trust her at all at this point). I can't say how I specifically found this out but it is verified that by September they were extremely initimate via conversations/IM. She always like stripping naked and getting off with her video camera so I suspect that she may have offered him that, too. (I never liked her web camera video sex... seemed sleazy to me). Regardless, it is CERTAIN that they have mutual romantic/sexual feelings for one another. I know this for a fact. She has even offered herself to him knowing that he won't leave his wife. You know, what the hell happened to this woman that made her act this crazy/insane? To this exact day she denies that the two of them are 'romantically' involved. What a crock of $hit.

 

Some of you told me that when she said that she needed space that she was 'cheating on me'. Thanks for saying that at the time. Yes, I am pretty damn heavy in heart... and yes a part of me would like to show up where they both work and reveal their little secret to the rest of the staff and to the corporate head office (*he would be terminated immediately I suspect as he is thehead of the place and this would be viwed as a serious infraction of trust/responsibility.

 

Now I need healing from this betrayal of trust, devotion and voiced commitment of fidelity. With time. What a damn crazy crapshoot.

[Noodles]

I don't have time to write too much as I'm off out in minute, but you replied to me when I needed it so I wanted to say something.

Whatever you do, DON'T show up at her work to reveal all for the sake of your self-esteem. You will always regret it if you do, it would be an ugly episode and one that would humiliate yourself as much as it would them.

 

This must have opened up old wounds for you, I'm sorry mate I really am. I had found out something similar (much earlier on than you did), not a relationship but rather a one night stand. It hurts like hell, there’s nothing anyone can say to make this any easier for you.

 

Trust me I don't feel like dating at all right now, but I had a one night stand with a gorgeous gal and had an incredible time. This will sound immature and stupid but aside from having a great night and doing wonders for my self -confidence, it also made me feel a whole lot better about her escapade. I appreciate how idiotic that sounds, not sure why but it honestly helped. Maybe the same type of thing will help you, then again maybe not. We are all unique and what helps ease the pain of one may just complicate things for someone else.

 

Try not to focus on it too much, I know it's incredibly hard to do. When you do dwell on it, and it's perfectly natural that you would, bear in mind that this lady has wronged you. She isn’t the lovely girl you remember through rose tinted hindsight goggles. You have a right to be angry yet also a right to demand more. Would you want to still be with this girl after she has done this, or would you rather have someone treat you with the honesty and respect that you yourself have to offer? Believe me there are girls out there who do have this to offer, you’ll get to meet one some day, most likey when you last expect it. Once you do you’ll thank your lucky stars you went through this pain now, because you’ll experience a whole new level of love.

 

It’s the weekend so keep your chin up and go out and have a blast- not looking for a new relationship, but there’s no harm in having a little fun in the meantime is there?

[morrigan]

Get on with your own life and wash your hands of this woman. Establish no contact--putting this woman and your breakup as far from yourself as possible is the best thing you can do.

 

Breakups always hurt, but is this woman worth your continued pain? Don't worry about getting revenge. Anyone who gets involved with a married man they are employed by is either a masochist or the biggest idiot in the bean patch. People manage to screw up their own lives in remarkebly foolish ways. The best thing for you to do is to get out and enjoy your life.

[Yeto]

If you really really REALLY want to get over it the only way to make it is ZERO CONTACT, eventually you will float out of the picture and see the things in a different way, its the way I am, right now, when I think about her with the new guy I almost don't feel that vacuum in my chest, almost...

 

But if you make contact (I've done it before) you return at the starting point, then you think about them being together and the air leaves your lungs and its hard to breath.

 

Good luck.

[Scott S]

Originally posted by Yeto

But if you make contact (I've done it before) you return at the starting point, then you think about them being together and the air leaves your lungs and its hard to breath.

 

This is not unlike picking at a sore. It will never heal while you do that. It will likely also leave a scar.

 

As I posted in the other thread, this relationship was little more than a casual affair, & although you may not feel that way now, the best thing to do is walk away from it.

 

Just say "YOU'RE FIRED!"

[Scott S]

Originally posted by Scott S

This is not unlike picking at a sore. It will never heal while you do that. It will likely also leave a scar.

 

As I posted in the other thread, this relationship was little more than a casual affair, & although you may not feel that way now, the best thing to do is walk away from it.

 

Just say "YOU'RE FIRED!"

 

To clarify, this posting was directed to Yeto. Sorry, wrong thread!

[SoleMate]

Anyone who gets involved with a married man they are employed by is either a masochist or the biggest idiot in the bean patch.

So true! How can ANYONE do this???? I'll never understand.

 

Now I need healing from this betrayal of trust, devotion and voiced commitment of fidelity.

I guess I don't know your whole story, chico. Were you together long? Did you have good reasons to trust her over a period of time?

 

Here's some advice (a quiz actually) on "affair proofing" your marriage. Would probably work for a committed bf/gf relationship as well. You may want to use this stuff the next time around. http://www.lifetimetv.com/reallife/relation/quiz/rel_quiz_affairproof.html

[Noodles]

Chico me old mucka, you haven't replied and I hope you are OK. I hope you went crazy and had a great weekend.

 

Appreciate my advice may not have been what you were looking for, but I hope u r are OK mate.

 

U Ok matey? Hey we're both tough MF, we'll get through this. IM me if you need chat with someone feeling same as you.

 

There is light at the end of the tunnel.