SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I'm on the pill and we use condoms!!!! And it's because she wants me to get married and she thinks women are devalued by experiencing anything sexual, and that all men want to marry virgins, and even if he has known me biblically himself, he'll think I'm "used" and worthless and he'll cast me aside. So she tries to keep me from even kissing him, so I'm "worth" more. Somehow I don't sense that merely finding places for privacy is your biggest concern. How come high school kids in the same relative circumstances can rely on the male to solve such riddles with the female not needing to even contribute a single thought? 2
ThomasD Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Somehow I don't sense that merely finding places for privacy is your biggest concern. I agree How come high school kids in the same relative circumstances can rely on the male to solve such riddles with the female not needing to even contribute a single thought? I'm not sure that H.S. kids find many truly good solutions to this "riddle", and in many cases the female contributes at least as much to the solution as the male.
ThomasD Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 You guys don't have any friends or sympathetic younger family with a spare bedroom? If not, maybe broaden your social lives. In the meantime, take up camping, lots and lots of camping. Isn't this essentially how it's done at college? At least that's how it often worked forty-ish years ago. Or perhaps your generation, with virtual friends, virtual conversations, virtual communities, has mastered the skill of virtual sex. If you can't afford to live on your own you shouldn't be having sex. The last thing somebody in your position needs is getting pregnant and having a kid. Its called personal responsibility. There is a lot of truth there. There's still a lot of truth even if you scale the statement back to something like: If you can't afford to create the privacy, and surroundings that are safe and suitable for good sex, you shouldn't be having sex. The last thing somebody in your position needs is insulting and alienating your parents, as well as people who are going out of their way to help you through difficult times. (In your case, these are the same people.) Its called respect and consideration for other people's beliefs, lifestyles, and property. Whatever you do, respect your parents' right and obligation to make the rules and control what goes on in their house. Even if you disagree with them, or think they are being unrealistic. 1
hestheone66 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 i am very sexually liberated but had house rule no gf sleepovers whike my kids were teens..they moved out..i didnt want to deprive them of opporunities of car sext
Emilia Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I feel like this is a little unfair...if I really needed to live on my own and get a job and support a family I could, but I'm taking the time to wait for a great job and really start a career. I don't think that makes me lacking in the personal responsibility department. Getting a job, getting a room in a houseshare and becoming fully independent should be your goal. Not being able to find a place in your mid 20s to have sex is a little sad IMO. 4
will1988 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I'm going against the grain here... When I was in college (my first go around) and my exes would come and stay at the house my parents made us sleep in seperate rooms (admitedly, we had a big house so this was possible)... and in the middle of the night or while they went shopping or whatever we would have sex in another spare bedroom in the furnished basement. I came close to getting caught but never got caught. I don't think my dad would have cared, he even joked about that stuff all the time... my step mom on the other hand is an evangelica, so yeah. ... any way, i happened to leave the box that some sexy langerie came in down in the basement. low-and-behold a few days later she discovers it. For some odd reason in her mind she thought i bought it for me to wear (not my sort of thing)... and then she realized my now fiance was over for a few days. She was so mad... but it was it is. So, my suggestion to you, is become sneaky... become clandestine... do it as often as you can when you can in either parents' houses, as long as no one is home. I did get caught by my first gf's mom once, but she didn't care at all...so lucked out on that.
white Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 First, a hearty **** You to the socionormatives in this thread telling you you suck for not burning money on renting and having the same crippling issues with their parents that they did. It's eminently sensible now if you aren't financially sound to live with your parents. I wish I could. Then these goddamn bills and rent could be put away for a mortgage deposit or spent on anything nice ever or not feeling guilty for even considering buying the bread with cheese baked on it or actual Heinz soup instead of off brand. Second. Half of my friends banged their partners at their parents on the regular at some point. If it's a no go for you OK but it's not a social taboo. They were banging while you were in the house once, and you were just a child. My buddy who's been with the same girl his whole twenties and is married only moved out of her parents house with her last year having spent the last 5 living upstairs and paying them a bit of rent. Third. It isn't too hard. Like someone said, go camping, go into the country. I often work in big parkland and you stumble across couples coupling daily, we radio it in for a laugh. Or there's cheap accommodation, they know exactly what you're there for. Combine the two and go on dirty weekends out to wherever. 3
Emilia Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 First, a hearty **** You to the socionormatives in this thread telling you you suck for not burning money on renting Same to you 3
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Getting a job, getting a room in a houseshare and becoming fully independent should be your goal. Not being able to find a place in your mid 20s to have sex is a little sad IMO. It is sad. But perhaps OP is saving for a house? I don't know. I haven't been able to find a full time job despite interviewing several places, so I know the feeling of being looked at as "lazy" or "irresponsible"... 1
Emilia Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 It is sad. But perhaps OP is saving for a house? I don't know. I haven't been able to find a full time job despite interviewing several places, so I know the feeling of being looked at as "lazy" or "irresponsible"... I think everyone struggles at some point, I was unemployed in the past. I didn't intentionally sit it out for a good job though to live at home. to me it seems like not the responsible and independent thing to do. The world doesn't owe a dream job to anyone. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I think everyone struggles at some point, I was unemployed in the past. I didn't intentionally sit it out for a good job though to live at home. to me it seems like not the responsible and independent thing to do. The world doesn't owe a dream job to anyone. Of course not. But it's probably hard to pay the bills on a part time job. And, if your parents don't mind you living there, no harm in saving up money. Of course, if some aspects of the living situation are unacceptable, then it's probably best to move out. That's what I was getting at. 1
StanMusial Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 It must be a generational thing or something, but I couldn't wait to strike out on my own. I haven't lived with my parents since I was 18. Your mother sounds like a smart lady... sometimes you have to give a little push I guess... and as far as a "perfect job" goes, the closest thing to it that I have found is being your own boss. And it's far from perfect - it has some drawbacks too. Based on your posts though I doubt that is ever going to be an option for you. With that being said, I can feel your pain somewhat... I went and stayed at the beach with the whole fam damily and my gf a few weeks ago and the sleeping arrangements were not ideal. After a week of seeing the gf prance around in a bikini it was getting pretty tough. Got home that Sunday afternoon and didn't leave the bedroom until way after dinner time. LOL. 1
crederer Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I was in a similar situation. You can get creative with it. Find a place in public (obviously hidden). I used to wait until my parents went to sleep then boned in the basement a lot. Sometimes we'd do it quietly at her house or mine. If we were going to do it when the parents were around I was always more comfortable at my parents place. One time we had quiet sex at her place while her parents were home and in the next room and I couldn't even enjoy myself. The headboard was sporatically hitting the wall and freaked me out. Another time at my place, the day after, my mom mentioned something about not liking hearing her son having sex, obviously alluding to the fact she heard me the night before. We have a fairly liberal relationship and I made a joke along the lines of "hey, a man's gotta get laid. We were going at it everyday in college, so cut me some slack. Would you prefer I do it in the woods and get caught for indecent exposure?" I said it kind of jokingly but it had a serious tone to it at the same time. She just looked at me for a second and said "......just try to keep it down, hun". I thought we were being pretty quiet, but I guess not. 1
dasein Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Times are tough for recent graduates today. We have an awful economy in the U.S. that is whitewashed by the politicians to look better than it is. College has gotten extremely expensive compared to the relatively recent past, so graduates are coming out with tons of debt. In fact it's the "you must get out of the house immediately" sentiment that is a new one in our culture, and there are marketing/consumption inducing reasons for that pervasive cultural message. OP, stay at home until you have plenty of money saved and a good reason to leave. Take this time to be a good citizen in your parents' house. Pitch in above and beyond at every opportunity, do more than you share, make their lives easier and spend at least as much time with family strengthening family relationships as you spend with friends. You may have already learned this, but will learn it later for sure if you haven't, your family are the most important people in your life. It's certainly not this or that set of friends who will come and go in life, but your family who will be there for you and need your help also through life. Be there for them now, and your life will be happier down the road. Of course there are exceptions for highly dysfunctional families, but for the average family? Stick around. I wish I had stayed longer. Had I, would likely be happily retired or doing some dream job today. 4
Lei Ping Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Hey guys, I don't know if you remember me, but I'm a woman in my mid-20s, who "boomeranged" and moved back in with my parents after college while I'm in the process of finding a job and saving for a place of my own. The problem is, my boyfriend, who is the same age, has done the same thing. We live about a two minute walk from one another, which is ideal for dating, but living with parents and siblings makes sex, or any kind of sexual activity a virtual impossibility. I wonder if anyone has any advice or tips that may help us...we are in love and want to express it (as often as possible), but simply don't have the money to move in together at this point in time. Help please? Get a room! It's cheaper than rent.
FitChick Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 My mother lived with her strict, immigrant parents for a couple of years when she started working, and paid them rent. Then one day she realized she could pay rent to a landlord BUT have total freedom, so she moved out and lived with housemates. I don't understand this "either or" mentality of either buying a house or living at home. There is plenty of middle ground, kids. People are afraid to grow up.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 in many cases the female contributes at least as much to the solution as the male. Correct, but that obviously wasn't the point. The female doesn't neeeeeeeed to (contribute)...
007 Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 (edited) Getting a job, getting a room in a houseshare and becoming fully independent should be your goal. Not being able to find a place in your mid 20s to have sex is a little sad IMO. I think that's a little harsh. I was a boomerang kid. I moved out of home at 18. Mainly because I wanted privacy to be with my boyfriend. I moved back home at 22. I regret moving out of home. Don't get me wrong. The experience was AMAZING however I wasted all my money. If i stayed home. I would've been able to save at least $75,000+ over the 4 years and use that as a deposit for a house but instead i wasted that money on rent, bills and furniture etc. When i came home i had $0 savings and had to start all over again. Edited August 14, 2013 by 007 1
Author bobmarley Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 Getting a job, getting a room in a houseshare and becoming fully independent should be your goal. Not being able to find a place in your mid 20s to have sex is a little sad IMO. I mean it's been a month! If there are no great jobs on there like you say, how is being unemployed for a month so pathetic? I don't think it's a crime to take a couple months at home to find a job in my field instead of going out to find a minimum wage job that has me living in said house share paycheck to paycheck and then keeps me from having the financial liberty to take a job in my field should it come up.
Author bobmarley Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 It is sad. But perhaps OP is saving for a house? I don't know. I haven't been able to find a full time job despite interviewing several places, so I know the feeling of being looked at as "lazy" or "irresponsible"... I'm saving so that I can be comfortable sooner. I would like a house in the next 5 years, and I don't want to rent unless renting doesn't prevent me from saving. Which means I have to have a little saved up before I start renting. Also, I have a part time job, but that doesn't make me enough money to afford both savings and rent. I have only been looking for full time employment while living with my parents for a month. I don't think it's pathetic no to have found something yet.
Author bobmarley Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 I think everyone struggles at some point, I was unemployed in the past. I didn't intentionally sit it out for a good job though to live at home. to me it seems like not the responsible and independent thing to do. The world doesn't owe a dream job to anyone. I mean I'm not looking for a dream job. Just something in my field that would allow me to stay in the southeastern portion of my state. I don't think that's too much to ask. I have new leads to follow up on, and several positions to apply for that fit this criteria right now. It seems a bit harsh to call me sad or irresponsible because I've been looking for a job in my field for a month and haven't been hired yet. It seems a little unrealistic to expect that I get hired in a job in my field 3 weeks after moving home and spontaneously have enough money to rent.
Author bobmarley Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 Times are tough for recent graduates today. We have an awful economy in the U.S. that is whitewashed by the politicians to look better than it is. College has gotten extremely expensive compared to the relatively recent past, so graduates are coming out with tons of debt. In fact it's the "you must get out of the house immediately" sentiment that is a new one in our culture, and there are marketing/consumption inducing reasons for that pervasive cultural message. OP, stay at home until you have plenty of money saved and a good reason to leave. Take this time to be a good citizen in your parents' house. Pitch in above and beyond at every opportunity, do more than you share, make their lives easier and spend at least as much time with family strengthening family relationships as you spend with friends. You may have already learned this, but will learn it later for sure if you haven't, your family are the most important people in your life. It's certainly not this or that set of friends who will come and go in life, but your family who will be there for you and need your help also through life. Be there for them now, and your life will be happier down the road. Of course there are exceptions for highly dysfunctional families, but for the average family? Stick around. I wish I had stayed longer. Had I, would likely be happily retired or doing some dream job today. Thanks or this! I really appreciate it. My plan was to stay here and save until the bf and I felt emotionally and financially ready to move in together. But it seems like no one gets that. I don't want to be on my own before I'm ready and run into financial woes. It's not that I'm not an independent person or that I'm a woman child, in just trying to be financially smart. And other than them being total prudes, I love my family and want to be here and actually like the arrangement.
crude Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 It's tough out there for this young generation. In 1950, a guy with no college education could walk into an auto plant and get a job that could buy a house and support a family. The wife sat at home watching her soap operas. Today it takes two people with college degrees both working to buy that same house. Don't blame the victims.
ThaWholigan Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 This is why I have voluntarily forfeited my sex life - bar one pretty random encounter (no intercourse) within the last couple months - until I at least have my own place
kaylan Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Rent a hotel room? Do it in the car? Get creative and do it in secluded public spots?
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