stormer1092 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I'm having a really hard time with a recent break up. My girlfriend decided to break it off about a 2 weeks ago so I didn't talk to her for 4 days. Well she decided to hang with another guy which was a "friend" and did stuff she said she regrets. I called her the night after they hung out and found out that it happened and I got mad and confronted her about it. She was crying and you can tell she really didn't mean to hurt me in any way and she apologized saying it would never happen again ( I believe her) So I was ok with it because we are not together officially but I still love her and yea it hurt. But for the next 4 days I brought her to work and other places just to talk about everything (not about what happened between them) . I made her smile and laugh, yet she still says shes not happy and just needs to live life on her own. We have been together for 3.5 years since high school and we have lived through so much together in those short years, more then most people should, deaths, depression and bullying. I've been there for her through all of it but lately I've been in a mild depression and haven't been there and I told her about it. She finally said on the 4th day of talking that she doesn't want to see me anymore and yes I broke down, panic attack to the point where I went numb from head to toe she was scared for me and called my mother to come get me which shows she still cares. But ever since that night we have not talked (been 2 days). She told me again she doesn't want to contact me anymore and un friended me on FB which hurt. She told me again she just wants to live life on her own for now, no relationships or nothing. Well that weekend she hung out with that guy again as "friends" because she told be she was going to. It hurt me then again. She's been "friends" with him for some time and I trusted her enough to not do anything but I think she was just really emotional and just wanted attention because she wasn't getting it from me or her family which I can understand even tho it sucks. When we were talking she told me "you have 1 week to man up and get your life on track" I'm working on it trust me job apps and already have a interview in a few days. But I'm on my 2nd day of NC and its SO hard to get over the urges to talk to her I'm just confused and getting mixed signals Do I contact her once a get a job and show I've "Maned Up"?. Whats really hard is that more then likely she is hanging out with that guy. She didn't sleep with him but got to 3rd base. I don't think she will sleep with him either. She has told me she does like him but wouldn't be with him. (I guess more of a friend?) Any help would be very appreciated. If this doesn't make sense I'm sorry I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. Lots of unanswered questions. Do I still apply the NC rule? I still love her and still want to make it work because we did have something magical at one time and its still there. We were strong and could handle anything. I just want a new start. She still says she loves me and maybe in the future we will be together. I'm so confused help
Renard99 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 (edited) First of all, you do nothing at all. Don't contact her, don't tell her about the job, don't tell her anything. Even if she contacts you, ignore it. The only time you ever need to send her anything is if she says the exact words "I'd like to try again". She has made her decision to not be with you and she's currently doing her own thing. All you are doing by contacting her and responding to her requests to 'man up' is to act like her little puppy that follows her around. If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you and I'm afraid, she isn't. Her mind is made up. Respect that and move on with your life. Second, you need to stop putting her on a pedestal. It's causing you to misread her. You say that her phoning your mother when you weren't well is a sign she still cares for you...... but she's now only caring for you as another human being. If I saw a random stranger look like he was about to faint/collapse I'd offer to help too. It's causing you to take her at her word too. She could just be saying she'd never be with this new guy to spare your feelings. You make her out to be a saint, yet she's already got to third base with this guy. How do you know they didn't go further... were you there? I know it's never as simple as this, but, at the end of the day you have to realise that she's gone. You have to start to live your life like she's not in it and work towards a future without her. Edited August 13, 2013 by Renard99 1
Author stormer1092 Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 (edited) First of all, you do nothing at all. Don't contact her, don't tell her about the job, don't tell her anything. Even if she contacts you, ignore it. The only time you ever need to send her anything is if she says the exact words "I'd like to try again". She has made her decision to not be with you and she's currently doing her own thing. All you are doing by contacting her and responding to her requests to 'man up' is to act like her little puppy that follows her around. If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you and I'm afraid, she isn't. Her mind is made up. Respect that and move on with your life. Second, you need to stop putting her on a pedestal. It's causing you to misread her. You say that her phoning your mother when you weren't well is a sign she still cares for you...... but she's now only caring for you as another human being. If I saw a random stranger look like he was about to faint/collapse I'd offer to help too. It's causing you to take her at her word too. She could just be saying she'd never be with this new guy to spare your feelings. You make her out to be a saint, yet she's already got to third base with this guy. How do you know they didn't go further... were you there? I know it's never as simple as this, but, at the end of the day you have to realise that she's gone. You have to start to live your life like she's not in it and work towards a future without her. I understand what you're saying I am trying to move on with life. But the thing is one day I said ok this is it we are truly done. I put all of her things away and didn't contact her. That day she contacted me saying she wants to talk. It doesn't make sense! I really don't think she knows what she wants. So many unanswered questions. We did have sex after I found out what she did and we both enjoyed it which I forgot to mention and after that stuff was kinda normal for those few days. I guess most of what you say is true but I guess some of it I don't want to hear either. Edited August 13, 2013 by stormer1092
Renard99 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I understand what you're saying I am trying to move on with life. But the thing is one day I said ok this is it we are truly done. I put all of her things away and didn't contact her. That day she contacted me saying she wants to talk. It doesn't make sense! I really don't think she knows what she wants. So many unanswered questions. We did have sex after I found out what she did and we both enjoyed it which I forgot to mention and after that stuff was kinda normal for those few days. I guess most of what you say is true but I guess some of it I don't want to hear either. Ok, so you put all the stuff away, no contact etc but when she said she wanted to talk, was it about getting back together? If it wasn't, you simply caved in at her command which is what needs to stop. If it was about getting back together then it clearly wasn't productive as you'd be back together and she certainly wouldn't be going to third base with another guy. I understand you're confused but, like I said, you've got to understand that you are no longer in a relationship with her. She's said she doesn't want a relationship and is 'hanging out' with other guys, yet at the same time is having sex with you. She's either using just you for attention or she's using you and all of the other guys for attention. Either way she's getting it and you're allowing it. 1
Omei Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Fooling around with a guy right away? Staying in contact so you know, telling you that you have a week to man up? Sounds like someone who is playing a cruel game. 3
Author stormer1092 Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 Ok, so you put all the stuff away, no contact etc but when she said she wanted to talk, was it about getting back together? If it wasn't, you simply caved in at her command which is what needs to stop. If it was about getting back together then it clearly wasn't productive as you'd be back together and she certainly wouldn't be going to third base with another guy. I understand you're confused but, like I said, you've got to understand that you are no longer in a relationship with her. She's said she doesn't want a relationship and is 'hanging out' with other guys, yet at the same time is having sex with you. She's either using just you for attention or she's using you and all of the other guys for attention. Either way she's getting it and you're allowing it. Well if history is repeating itself she's waiting for me to make the first move. I've always been the one to make the first move and she never has. I can almost guarantee even if she DID want to get back together she wouldn't contact me. I haven't given her attention since that night. I guess that's why its really hard for me knowing I could be making a mistake.
Author stormer1092 Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 Fooling around with a guy right away? Staying in contact so you know, telling you that you have a week to man up? Sounds like someone who is playing a cruel game. She knows she screwed up. She talked about killing herself over it and I had to stop her.
Omei Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 She knows she screwed up. She talked about killing herself over it and I had to stop her. Unless she has a history of depression with suicidal thoughts through your years together I would see it as another plot to keep you hooked. 1
Author stormer1092 Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 Unless she has a history of depression with suicidal thoughts through your years together I would see it as another plot to keep you hooked. She does have a history. She's lost her father and grandfather withing a year and attempted when she was getting bullied at school. I was the one who held her together and stopped it.
Renard99 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Well if history is repeating itself she's waiting for me to make the first move. I've always been the one to make the first move and she never has. I can almost guarantee even if she DID want to get back together she wouldn't contact me. I haven't given her attention since that night. I guess that's why its really hard for me knowing I could be making a mistake. Ok, so if she is waiting for you to make the first move, it still makes it a cruel game she's playing with you. She says she doesn't want a relationship with you but then hands you an ultimatum to 'man up' for her sake. To top it all off, she's then off with other men whilst you bust a gut to 'man up'........... sorry, but she's playing you for attention. She knows you'll come running. Or........ Let's look at this another way. Say she is all sweet and innocent in this and she has genuinely made a mistake........ she's still going about this in a nasty way. First of all, she didn't sit down and politely say that things aren't working out and that she'd like you to change a few things like a normal person would try to do.... she just broke up with you and hooked up with another guy leaving you with the command to 'man up'. Also, if she is genuinely sorry for her mistake why must it be you that does the leg work to patch things up..... she made the mistake! I'm really sorry mate but you need to just walk away. I think you'd be making a mistake if you tried to pursue this, especially as there's another guy in the equation.
Author stormer1092 Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 Ok, so if she is waiting for you to make the first move, it still makes it a cruel game she's playing with you. She says she doesn't want a relationship with you but then hands you an ultimatum to 'man up' for her sake. To top it all off, she's then off with other men whilst you bust a gut to 'man up'........... sorry, but she's playing you for attention. She knows you'll come running. Or........ Let's look at this another way. Say she is all sweet and innocent in this and she has genuinely made a mistake........ she's still going about this in a nasty way. First of all, she didn't sit down and politely say that things aren't working out and that she'd like you to change a few things like a normal person would try to do.... she just broke up with you and hooked up with another guy leaving you with the command to 'man up'. Also, if she is genuinely sorry for her mistake why must it be you that does the leg work to patch things up..... she made the mistake! I'm really sorry mate but you need to just walk away. I think you'd be making a mistake if you tried to pursue this, especially as there's another guy in the equation. Yea thanks. The other guy really does make it complicated. But I think I'm going to give it at least 1 more shot something is telling me to and if it doesn't work I will move on. I know she has made the big mistake and she can't forgive herself over it and I think that might be a big factor in it. She said she never meant to hurt me and thought they were truly over and wouldn't of done it otherwise. I mean technically we were not together when it happened. I am mad at her over it but I'm willing to forgive and forget.
Renard99 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Yea thanks. The other guy really does make it complicated. But I think I'm going to give it at least 1 more shot something is telling me to and if it doesn't work I will move on. I know she has made the big mistake and she can't forgive herself over it and I think that might be a big factor in it. She said she never meant to hurt me and thought they were truly over and wouldn't of done it otherwise. I mean technically we were not together when it happened. I am mad at her over it but I'm willing to forgive and forget. The fact that she did it so soon after would set alarm bells ringing for me, especially with the 'man up' jibe. Has she actually said she made a big mistake and wants to try again? If not I continue to feel that you're making a big mistake of your own but do at least admire you for trying. My word of caution would be that if you really must give it another shot, give it one go, not two, not three. Don't string this out. Fire and forget. If it doesn't work walk away.... period. You'll be your own worst enemy if you don't
Renard99 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Yea thanks. The other guy really does make it complicated. But I think I'm going to give it at least 1 more shot something is telling me to and if it doesn't work I will move on. I know she has made the big mistake and she can't forgive herself over it and I think that might be a big factor in it. She said she never meant to hurt me and thought they were truly over and wouldn't of done it otherwise. I mean technically we were not together when it happened. I am mad at her over it but I'm willing to forgive and forget. and careful with the 'something telling me to'.... serial killers sometimes say something told them to kill but that doesn't make it right.
Author stormer1092 Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 The fact that she did it so soon after would set alarm bells ringing for me, especially with the 'man up' jibe. Has she actually said she made a big mistake and wants to try again? If not I continue to feel that you're making a big mistake of your own but do at least admire you for trying. My word of caution would be that if you really must give it another shot, give it one go, not two, not three. Don't string this out. Fire and forget. If it doesn't work walk away.... period. You'll be your own worst enemy if you don't I just feel a sense of power that is over my head telling me to try again. I don't want what we had I really want new and I get excited thinking I can built this into what it should have been. She did say she made a big mistake and has been giving me pretty large hints that she wants to try again. She told me she wanted to hang out with me because she still loves me and she can't get over me but called it off soon after she said it. I think she really doesn't know what she wants. I think she is really waiting for me to just grab her heart like I did before. The last time I seen her we also hugged for a long time both of us crying her more then I and she kissed me. I didn't kiss her she kissed me. It seems like she wants to be with me but so scared that it will just go back the same thing that it was. I DON'T WANT THAT. But I haven't been able to tell her that because she won't talk to me and I haven't tried in a while. I also wrote her a poem about when we first met and she really liked it gave me a hug and kept it where she has all the other ones I wrote her. So I know she's holding on to something I just think she needs time to see what she wants. Also we have stuff at each others houses and she hasn't even brought up getting them from each other. (idk if that matters)
Renard99 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I just feel a sense of power that is over my head telling me to try again. I don't want what we had I really want new and I get excited thinking I can built this into what it should have been. She did say she made a big mistake and has been giving me pretty large hints that she wants to try again. She told me she wanted to hang out with me because she still loves me and she can't get over me but called it off soon after she said it. I think she really doesn't know what she wants. I think she is really waiting for me to just grab her heart like I did before. The last time I seen her we also hugged for a long time both of us crying her more then I and she kissed me. I didn't kiss her she kissed me. It seems like she wants to be with me but so scared that it will just go back the same thing that it was. I DON'T WANT THAT. But I haven't been able to tell her that because she won't talk to me and I haven't tried in a while. I also wrote her a poem about when we first met and she really liked it gave me a hug and kept it where she has all the other ones I wrote her. So I know she's holding on to something I just think she needs time to see what she wants. Also we have stuff at each others houses and she hasn't even brought up getting them from each other. (idk if that matters) I'm sorry, in that case I still feel you're making a mistake. You're basing all of this on a 'sense of power'? So nothing from her to say 'yes, I want to try again', just some so called hints. You say that she knows exactly what she wants.... so why do you have to make it happen? She's the one that left you, she made the mistake, she hurt your feelings but it's your responsibility to fix it? While you're at it, I've got mud on my car after I drove it through a field, it's your responsibility to come and clean it. You've got her on a pedestal and you're not willing to see the red flags here because you're too busy worshiping her.
Author stormer1092 Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 (edited) I don't mind if I have to swallow my pride and at least try. When all this started she said idk if I want to be with you and IIII walked away the first time. I can't let this go without some kind of closure or without at least trying. She's afraid I'm going to walk away again and that's why she's pushed me away! Yes she has made mistakes but IIIII forgave her. I'm pretty darn certain if I were to go to her house and she actually let me behind her walls we would be able to work this out but she won't let me! I guess how would I get to that point? And to me it seems like she's doing the no contact thing with me! Edited August 13, 2013 by stormer1092
Lei Ping Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I'm having a really hard time with a recent break up. My girlfriend decided to break it off about a 2 weeks ago so I didn't talk to her for 4 days. Well she decided to hang with another guy which was a "friend" and did stuff she said she regrets. she apologized saying it would never happen again ( I believe her) So I was ok with it because we are not together officially but I still love her and yea it hurt. She finally said on the 4th day of talking that she doesn't want to see me anymore She told me again she doesn't want to contact me anymore and un friended me on FB which hurt. She told me again she just wants to live life on her own for now, no relationships or nothing. Well that weekend she hung out with that guy again as "friends" because she told be she was going to. It hurt me then again. She's been "friends" with him for some time and I trusted her enough to not do anything but When we were talking she told me "you have 1 week to man up and get your life on track" I'm working on it trust me job apps and already have a interview in a few days. getting mixed signals Do I contact her once a get a job and show I've "Maned Up"?. Whats really hard is that more then likely she is hanging out with that guy. She didn't sleep with him but got to 3rd base. I don't think she will sleep with him either. She has told me she does like him but wouldn't be with him. (I guess more of a friend?) Any help would be very appreciated. If this doesn't make sense I'm sorry I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. Lots of unanswered questions. Do I still apply the NC rule? I still love her and still want to make it work because we did have something magical at one time and its still there. We were strong and could handle anything. I just want a new start. She still says she loves me and maybe in the future we will be together. I'm so confused help Dude, There are no mixed signals going on here. Read what you wrote: Your GF breaks up with you4 days later she's with another guy (it was a plan)You confront her and she BS you and you buy it hook, line and sinkerShe tells you "Get Lost"Out with OG again- 3rd base myAss!He bones her so well that she tells you to "Man Up" and no, it doesn't mean "go get a new job".There's nothing "mixed" about her "signals". She has told you quite clearly that she has found the bigger, better deal and the fact that she "found" it 4 days after breaking up with you says a mouthful. Her new bed buddy is getting a trial run and you are like an insurance policy for her. "Man up" and be done with that Ho.
Author stormer1092 Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 Dude, There are no mixed signals going on here. Read what you wrote: Your GF breaks up with you4 days later she's with another guy (it was a plan)You confront her and she BS you and you buy it hook, line and sinkerShe tells you "Get Lost"Out with OG again- 3rd base myAss!He bones her so well that she tells you to "Man Up" and no, it doesn't mean "go get a new job".There's nothing "mixed" about her "signals". She has told you quite clearly that she has found the bigger, better deal and the fact that she "found" it 4 days after breaking up with you says a mouthful. Her new bed buddy is getting a trial run and you are like an insurance policy for her. "Man up" and be done with that Ho. When the day after it happens she comes back to me saying she made a huge mistake and that she's sorry doesn't make her a ho. I'm not trying to defend her but this is a girl I love you know.
Renard99 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 When the day after it happens she comes back to me saying she made a huge mistake and that she's sorry doesn't make her a ho. I'm not trying to defend her but this is a girl I love you know. I loved my ex when she broke up with me and started shagging with other guys, doesn't mean she needs defending though. Yes, she's said she made a mistake, but she's not doing nothing about it. You claim she's afraid you'll walk away again, yet she sits there and does nothing.... that's says to me she's playing you buddy. Keeping you at enough of a distance not to be in a relationship but close enough for you to come running. If you're willing to be walked over then be my guest.
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